Does anyone just try to fit in with so called normal people.

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I did try to fit in with non-disabled people and it didn't work for me as i came across as akward and had nothing to offer in a conversation so therefore i do my own thing which in my opinion works for me.

I tried to fit in earlier in my life, but it took me until middle school and high school that "fitting in" was overrated. Granted, no one special in my life, but i didnt delude myself into thinking that i needed others to help with class work, or rely on them for projects. Admittedly, i would help if someone asked, but that was about it. My philosophy has always been, "Let them think what they will of me, but i will prove otherwise in a method of my choosing, when i choose to."

Yes, I try, some thing fail, I take time out, I think, I try again and each time there are improvements. I joined an autistic skills group and already I have thought about an aspect that kept going wrong and know that I can change it somewhat.

What I don't know is how much I will be able to get along as if I was completely NT, it could be a lot after all these years of trying, re-trying and re-thinking, or maybe not so much but every time I throw myself back in the lion's den, I get more skilled at coming out alive.

Not really, mostly I stick to situations were interactions are sharply defined. This can be extended to almost any aspect of society. As an example, I don't even try to 'dance', but I am a very good square dancer. In the latter, all movements are pre-defined and easily followed. No need to talk while dancing or even between tips. Since there's a chronic shortage of men in the community, women ask me to dance.

no

Yeah and it was tiring. If people accepted me then I can. That's how we fit in. I can fit in at the aspie groups and at the fetish gatherings I go to. I am accepted is why.

I've got friends but I'm not sure if you'd call them normal. They seem to obsess over one rock band that been around for 20 years. And my other friends are just young and immature...actually they are the normal ones.
I hang around the people that don't have an ASD but are they normal? One of my closest friends has anxiety and OCD.

Yes and No.

Before i knew about ASD and AS, i held the view that everyone/thing on the planet by virtue of being there, belonged to the whole of life process. Therefore, i did belong and had no need to 'fit in', because, of course I did fit in, I belonged.

As a kid the politics of others' desires became evident and so too, the degree to which this interferes with the life process.

My belief in the power of the life process persists. Therefore, I continue to walk in my world knowing I belong and fit in and go about my business as best as I can, achieving what I want, working/thinking around the variety of obstacles that arise.

Many people have pointed their finger at me accusing me of being 'different' and not letting me belong to , or fit into their world.
I always knew my world was too vast to be pinned down by simple thoughts and stunted social needs.
Taking aside my attitude, I do understand why some people would exclude me or stop me from fitting in.
These human social orders don't like to view autonomy in life.
There is a lot of coercion to fit in..to be what is deemed 'normal'!

Will it ever change? I have to say yes, as that is what I desire.

I make an effort because you never know when you'll meet a decent NT person who will associate with you.

I was never interested in such things.

Well then,

I was invited to a Halloween party at the weekend and so full of newly found 'self awareness' of AS and confidence in my ability to 'monitor' my behaviour, off I went with my wife and daughter to THE PARTY.

It was quite funny. I was certainly (more) aware of what I was actually doing and how I was interacting with people, but it was still a mess

The strange thing was I could see it happening.

Not straight away but I could see it after a few minutes, rather than after the other person had run off to the nearest international airport.

I was giving my wife a running commentary of my evening's performance and feeling somehow very comfortable with it.

I am what I am.

I ended up speaking with the only other person at the party who seemed to be as out of place as me (and he was displaying a few AS traits too)

He even acknowledged me as I was leaving with my family.


The morale of the story (and as explained by a really great poster a few weeks ago when I first joined WP):


There is NOTHING mild about my AS. It is very real, EVEN when I am 'observing' myself and I am stone cold sober.

Even after I have rehearsed things like;

Dont give a speech
Let them talk too
Don't start quoting from 'The Black Swan' and explaining how over 50% of the gain in the S&P is the result of just 10 days in the past 35 years, which is over 12,00 days....


I blew it and it's ok that I blew it because my wife loves me and my children love me.

I have also started to finally get to know my wife's husband, the man who has been living inside my head all my life, in 'a dream world, in an Autistic Matrix'

Me

Faking it is easy I find. Most time I find no need in doing so but I might make the effort. Especially when it comes to lunches with the boss or outings with the wife's coworkers/friends.

What I do is relatively simple.

Smile, force it, it is easy to make smiles look genuine by making sure your eyes almost squint a little. The corner of your eyes are the keystone to "authenticate smiles".
Take on a persona - there was a guy I knew and I was amazed how awesome he was able to socialize and whatnot. Most time I just think, "What would he do". And do it.
Touch people, I hate it but hand on the shoulder or whatever you see other guys do seems to work.

Little alcohol and some anti-anxiety meds sure help.

There are some other places to make you really successful in this department but I don't know how well most people would be for checking it out.

Since we are in a very small minority, not even 1% of our species, it is probably worth making an effort, as there is probably some hidden gold in the other 99%

Yes there must be some very worthy people out there. Don't know whether "fitting in" is the best way to deal with them though....I suspect the best people will just accept us for who/what we are, as long as we don't do them any real harm. It's every bit as important for them to make the effort to fit in with your ways - friendship should be mutual, or it's just exploitation.

I think friendship essentially comes from a common purpose, and I think that's just as true of NTs as it is of Aspies. At school I used to caricature the unpopular teachers, which helped me to fit in with the rest of the kids, but I never saw it as fitting in......I was just doing stuff I thought was funny, and luckily they agreed with me.