When autism fades, do you really lose your unique talents?

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Then we'll just turn the cycle the other way and see what will happen:P

I went through the same cycle as the OP in my early 20s. I used my twenties to do the social learning that most people do in jr. high or high school. But I couldn't focus, couldn't think, and got bad grades in university. If I had actually been able to focus and apply my aspie skills to my studies back then, I'd likely be a biologist or geneticist today. Unfortunately, the networking I did then doesn't help me now as I moved half way across the US. All I have to show for it is a few formerly-close friends who live far away, and are now acquaintances.

In my late 20s, though, things changed. I became more logical-thinking than ever before, and consumed computer manuals and textbooks. I had such a passion to learn programming and how computers work, that I went back to school in my current location and studied computer science. I did well, but didn't socialize, as my social skills were fading and my classmates were all 10 years younger. I didn't get any better at math, I still struggle with it, I just got through it with huge amounts of focus and determination. I never could have learned this stuff before, for me it is definitely a trade-off between productivity and socializing.

I'm now coming down from a brief (2 years or so) attempt at being social again. It was fun to try for a little while, but ended up as an EPIC FAIL. I want to just lose myself in programming and other solo interests again, but now there are other responsibilities holding me back. I'm going to gradually cut down on the social activities I've picked up lately. I look forward to them, but I make mistakes and end up anxious and exhausted. Online socializing works better for me.

I also find that I can concentrate more if I don't socialise as much.

Not socialising frees up time to reflect, think, ruminate and work alone.

I think that if you socialise you can't concentrate on analysing the physical environment as much. If you chat to someone, the whole of your consciousness fills with their eyes and you're concentrating so much on them on what you do with them, that you can miss surrounding details. You forget about your surroundings because you're so engrossed in socialising.

I don't see anything wrong with discussing ideas and sharing with people now and again.
I also think that socialising can be a great recreational activity to engage in after the work has been completed.

However I have found people trying to chat to me about topics other than those related to the work on field-trips distracting. It's very hard to try and concentrate on two things at once. I have two modes: work and play. I either fully play or fully work.

If you engage with someone socially (and look into their eyes), you inevitably miss details in the physical environment.

If you focus on and observe details of the physical environment, you can easily lose track of what's going on in the social environment. You can't look into someone's eyes as easily because you're looking elsewhere at the details of interest.


So in order to be able to analyse and observe the physical environment well, you probably have to be a little socially naive to socially disengage for long enough to look at the surrounding physical details.

I think it's a kind of a 'balancing act' between being socially naive enough to notice what's going on in the physical environment, but socially adept enough to communicate your observations to other people. That would be my guess anyway.

That balance really hard to achieve though.

I didn't have any real talents when I was young, I was just smarter than most of my peers. I've found as I get older, I don't have the same level of intense involvement in anything. Having to do everything for myself, including earn a living, means I can't drop several weeks into a new interest.

Talents, such as being organised, seem to fade the more people talk to me or I'm having fun. I become thoroughly disorganised when I try to concentrate on socialising. I can also forget things when I try and listen to someone else.

I read up about organisational skills and planning thinking that these would improve my productivity.

At one point, I was so organised, that I effectively organised all of the people and fun out of my life. My efficiency isolated myself and I couldn't be spontaneous. People said how efficient and organised I was.

Whereas other people would just walk out with their friends to go out on a whim, I found I couldn't do this. I wondered how people could get together and go so easily.

I couldn't be spontaneous and I didn't know how anyone else could be spontaneous.

I kept asking how, when and why we were going somewhere which probably turned a lot of people off. I made meticulous lists and wrote myself instructions. I was petrified of anything going wrong because I knew that I couldn't rescue myself with small-talk. So I tried to mitigate all of the risks by thinking through my own private risk assessments and itineraries. This is why I had to know about any trips at least a day in advance so that I could plan for all eventualities. I did so much planning that I ended up paralysed and lonely in my room with the perfect plan, but no-one to go with me. I also had no idea as to how to go about getting anyone to go with me because this how to had not been mentioned in any of the books that I'd read.

Other people just said 'Who?' 'You' and small-talked and they were off.
They don't spend hours worrying 'What if?' or 'How?', they just go.

Asking 'How and why?' can be incredibly isolating.

As for organisational skills, I've read study skills books that say that good organisational skills propel you towards success in your personal and work life. Once you became good at organisational skills, the books claimed, these skills would propel you from one success to another like a surfer rides waves one after another (as an analogy).

Unfortunately though, waves don't always come one after another (as I know from experience). There are sometimes cross winds, or the wind is blowing in the wrong direction, or the tide is wrong, or there's suddenly a novice swimmer in the way, or there's a great big rock in the way, or a freak wave, or you get caught in a rip current or a sea-gull decides to relieve itself on your head. You have to react quickly to all of these things, not sit alone in a quiet corner and plan.

It's spontaneity and the ability to adapt to the changing situation that helps a surfer navigate the breakers, not good organisational skills and planning like those books claimed. As the situation changes, any plans you've made could no longer apply.

That's why any number of plans or organising will not save you in a rapidly changing social situation. It doesn't seem to be the kind of activity that you can make rigid plans or have a set formula for.

Thank you for sharing your experiences, and for your advice! I can definitely believe that the idea of "life cycles" applies to everyone, whether Aspie or NT. The 30 and 40 year olds I know tend to have a few close friends that they see every so often rather than a bunch of people that they see all the time...also all of them tend to be very productive and creative in their chosen fields. This social 'boom' may be just a phase, so I'll enjoy and savour it while I can.

I concur. Even though I have become well adapted to the NT world, my underlying mode of operation remains the same. The main difference is I can make some of my external behavior conform to the NT mode so as not to provoke upset or hostility. But what is going on underneath is still the same as it always has been.

I am as literal minded as ever and I am attracted to patterns, as I always have been. I have learned not to be obsessive in my conversations, althogh somtimes that slips out.

Think of it this way: Suppose you are in foreign country and you learn the language and some of the folkways. That is not going to charge your basic character or personality.


ruveyn

Are aspies the only ones who can be reborn?

when not if?

I meant, turn NT.