Were you beter off,not knowing you had AS?

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In a word, "NO."

I was already familiar with the condition, because my 10 yo son has it. It just never hit me, until my doctor suggested it, that I could have it too. Once she did, it was like that scene in Sixth Sense, where Bruce Willis has all these images hit him at once and he realizes his true reality.

That's how it was for me. I was hit with a sense of "So THAT'S why I am the way I am!"

I don't plan to live my life much differently. I have apparently already put coping strategies in place at work (to be successful at my job) long before I had my Dx.

It's just good to know WHY I am the way I am.

Better off knowing
Somehow 'knowing' this has alleviated this ball and chain of anxiety that about wore me down to nothing at several points in my life.
I always knew something was wrong/different with me, and it took everybit of intellect that I possessed to cover over and hide my weakness to avoid exposure.... so I thought.
e.g. Difficulties in relating to people :
Taking things literally.
Not getting jokes in real time.
Difficulty in following people in conversations in real time.
Problems with showing empathy.
Executive dysfunction issues.
etc.

At first reading up on it ; NO, as I tried to find a weak point in the information on AS .
I resisted the thought despite some close family members thought I was autistic, and was in denial looking for a way out because I knew the only cure was measured in caliber and not milligrams.

The more I reasearched it though, the more the shoe fit, and it explains 'me'.

Last edited by Mdyar on 30 Nov 2009, 8:26 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I always thought it was me with the problem, even though I had no idea what my problem was. It's interesting how differently people see that.

I wonder if it's better to learn one is on the spectrum if one already thinks there's something wrong with oneself, but not so good to learn it if one doesn't think there's anything wrong with oneself.

For me, perhaps it's mostly a self-esteem thing that makes it so good to know I may be an Aspie. My failure to make friends and some of the other problems I've had kept my self-esteem pretty low through school and through much of my work life. Learning about AS made me realize I could finally stop blaming myself for everything. At 53, I have to tell you, that's quite a lift!

Of course that doesn't mean I have no responsibility to continue to try to get along. I realize now that there's no one to blame -- NTs or me. It's a two-way street. Yes, NTs need to learn to be more understanding, but mainly they need a lot more education about autism. How are they supposed to know how to get along with people on the autism spectrum if no one ever tells them what that is or what it means? I was completely ignorant about it until just a few weeks ago. And knowing that describes me doesn't mean I stop trying to adjust. Just that I don't have to feel so crappy about myself all the time.

Well I guess when it hits you it's a shock. But then it settles in to you. It's like superman going in the fortress of solitude and understanding his origins. He knew there was something different about him. Now it's oficial. -Son, you're from another planet! Yes, you got an eye stare that burns people away and fly at light speed in a constant daydreaming gaze. You've been living in another planet all your life and everybody else seems to have noticed all along but you. It´s like my cat, I could swear he thinks his human. But it's very enlightening. I think I've come to terms with myself and now feel more confident. I don't have to be normal anymore. What a relief! I just have to fit in and laugh a little more. And maybe use shades all the time...

My girlfriend noticed how cathartic it was for me when I was finally able to accept my hypothesis was logical, and unfalsifiable.


Had a couple miniature breakdowns, like when I mentioned how I hated being tickled as a child, but she had once told me she actually liked it, so when she's feeling playful I poke at her sides sometimes.

She told me I've gone a little too far a couple times though, not reading her actually wanting me to stop. Started crying, had to go sit and hug her and apologize, even though she wasn't upset by it at all.

I didn't know she wanted me to stop, and that was the worst thing about being a baby, which is one of my earliest memories. Having people tickle me and being unable to ask them to stop torturing me like that.


Then I was able to relax a lot of coping mechanisms, which was an immense relief, being able to explain what they were, understanding that not everyone does these things. Seeing why I had been unable to notice certain things in the past, being able to explain the numerous little details that I've always been told were rather odd... but distinctly "me".


Mostly though, it confirmed why I always preferred to describe myself as a cat, than a person.

I was happy for the discovery. I know why I must try harder than normal people something, I know that is not a lack of will but simply that something is more difficult for me, it was a relief.

Good question.

I can certainly relate to 'living in a fool's paradise' before discovering my AS.

It has been quite a shock finally discovering what I am but I am happy that I know for several reasons.

I am now very proud of my achievements, personally, career wise, and physically.

I now know my limitations, accept that I don't really like being around too many people and have stopped/reduced blaming 'others' for being too stupid or boring to be worth associating with.

I have a kind of peace that I have never felt before although knowing about my AS isn't always completely peaceful.

I tend to spot and speak to 'Geeks' at parties and often enjoy doing so.

I guess I found my Home and for that I am very grateful...........

An excellent question.

The simple answer is, "No, I was not better off when I did not know."

The day after I was diagnosed, I didn't become better at anything. I didn't suddenly develop new social skills, or new filters. There was no epiphany.

What did change was my understanding of what brought me to that place. I realized that I had misattributed many of my social deficits to improper causes. I realized that my behaviours were a part of a larger pattern. I began to understand how my learned behaviours could better be integrated into that pattern.

The diagnosis was also, for me, affirming. I had emerged from a disastrous career choice (leaving government to go into self-employment) which I would never have made had I known ten years ago what I know today. I know now that while I am fully responsible for the failure of my business and its consequences, the failure does not diminish me as a human being. I may lack the skills that others have which would have helped the success of my business, but I have other skills that are valuable in a different context.

I was talking to my doctor about this just yesterday. I went to see her because of a cold/flu, and she took a minute to ask how I was doing with the AS diagnosis.

I told her that it was like that moment in "The Sixth Sense" where Bruce Willis character realizes that he's a ghost. And suddenly, WHOOSH, all these scenes from the movie are replayed, and he/the audience realize their impact now that everyone knows he's a ghost.

I told my doctor it was like that. That now that I have a Dx, scenes from my life make sense. Having a Dx doesn't instantly give my life meaning, or fulfillment. But in light of what I now know about myself, scenes from my past make greater sense.

35? That person is 9 years further along than I am. I am just now, and I mean like in the last couple of days, starting to realize the things mentioned above.

To answer the original question, no, I am much better off knowing about my AS. I cried tears of relief when I got my DX two years ago. It explained EVERYTHING. It has enabled me to get some much-needed help that I wasn't getting before. It has healed the rifts I had with both parents, because now they know that the problems I've had in childhood and in my adult life were involuntary on my part.

The only trouble the diagnosis has caused is that it made me obsessed with reading everything I could get my hands on and asking tons of questions of friends, therapists, websites, etc. so that I could erase my AS traits and be a "normal adult." My attitude up until a few days ago was like, "OK, now that I know what's wrong, I can get it fixed." All I did was become an exhausted, dying-on-the-inside faux NT. Sit, roll over, shake hands, play dead, and do all kinds of tricks so that NTs would reward me (which they did). Well, I'm tired of performing and ready to live my life on my own terms (which is what I thought I was doing before; after my recent scary self-destructive episode that landed me in the emergency room, I am beginning to see things differently).

Still, I am better off knowing that I have AS. Now I am going to try again to deal with it--the *right, healthy way* this time. I'm sure some NTs aren't going to like me as well, but do I really want friends/co-workers/employers like that anyway? Probably not.

I had exactly the same experience!

Great example.

There is one thing that has improved a lot my spirit and self-esteam. My self-talk has totally changed paradigm in the sense that I've allways had imaginary dialogues in my head with people I know in which I would try to justify and explain myself and try to say all I needed to say but couldn´t in a usual (and short) conversation. I never understood why but I would lie terribly as if I was trying to forge an explanation which would be acceptable for the listener and wouldn´t reveal my real nature. I've stopped that now I think unconsciously. Now I simply try and justify my behaviours to myself and understand why things happen using all the information I now possess. It's improved my self confidence a great deal and driven me to gain a totally new interest in myself and the ways to improve my personality.

No not really i mean there have been times where i wish i didnt have it but thats natural in everyone who has it but knowing i have it is a kind of reasurance that your different for a reason and knowing that you have it can also be the first step to understanding why you have it and how you can overcome it bit by bit i mean i have it and compared to myself a few years back im alot different in my opinion so yes im glad i know i have it and would be more upset if i didnt know to be honest!

Well I think that I am better off now I have worked out that I am an aspie.

All through my life things did not seem to add up, I knew something was not quite right and I did not understand some things. I had aquired a wife and she was getting upset with me because I sometimes giggled at the wrong moment. She had told me that she thought I had aspergers, I thought it was some silly idea which she was having so I ignored it.

One day things went very wrong, I sat down and started to read up on AS. I discovered that I matched the profile well and suddenly I understood a lot more about myself. Suddenly I understood myself more and was more at peace with myself. I joined WP that day.

If you had asked me a couple months ago, I'd have said worse. I had long suspected I had some form of autism, and I thought having the answer would make me feel better. It didn't. I sank into a deep depression. I was miserable. I felt like now I had proof I was the freak they called me in high school. I wanted to curl up and die. I stopped looking for work, stopped hanging out with my friends, slept for hours. I didn't want to tell my friends, I wanted them to accept me and I was afraid they would reject me.

None of that is the case anymore.

One of the big changes was that one of my friends was diagnosed with schizophrenia. She's not being shy about her diagnosis. And no one has changed toward her. She's not being ostrasized or treated like a freak. And I'm beginning to think the same might be true if I told our friends I had AS. Another big factor was finding WP. As a child, I sometimes felt like I was an alien and wanted to "go home." In middle school, I had a badge on my backpack that read, "Just visiting this planet." The name "Wrong Planet" clicked with me instantly! I finally feel like there are other people like me, and I identify with so much I read here!

I'm just working on learning who I am as a person with AS, a person with an explanation for why I'm so odd. I was 14 when I gave up trying to fit in and decided to be myself. And yes, I was called a freak, but I laughed about it with my friends. When I stopped trying to blend in, it let the world know that I'm a goth. I accept that I'm strange, and I'm glad I know the reason. Over Thanksgiving, my mother told me how much I've grown since I got my diagnosis, and that makes me proud. I'm no longer ashamed to have AS.

So now I say, no, my life was NOT better before I knew. It's better now. I'm better, now.

Better the AS you know topic

I will remember the psychologist's Dx words for the rest of my life: "Congratulations! It is Asperger's!" A huge boulder was lifted off my back, and all the puzzle pieces landed in place. One of those moments when you want to laugh and cry, or else just stare and take it all in.