Either can't or wont speak when upset?

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When I get really upset, or when someone else is visibly upset with me, I also find it extremely difficult to communicate. Why, I have no idea, it just becomes exponentially more difficult to vocalize my thoughts. This is really the only situation that I ever feel this way in though (although it does happen a bit when discussing highly emotional topics as well). It isn't that I'm not capable of communicating or anything in those situations (I can and do if I feel I need to), its just that I feel an extreme desire not to and it can be very uncomfortable, not to mention that finding the right thing to say can be hard. Fortunately though, I have an almost nonexistent temper so I very seldomly get angry lol...and I also try to behave in a way such that no one ever really gets angry at me either. Obviously I can't speak for anyone else since we all have completely different personal experiences, but I'm sure there may be some similarities!

my entire family suffers from similar things, for various reasons. my SO and our autie both are selectively mute and cant talk in some social situations. theirs is usually an anxiety based reaction and goes on as long as they are in that situation. both my autie and aspie sons get highly emotional like you describe your son doing and then shut down and cant talk; my aspie usually just sits there silently or only answers with "i dont know",and my autie is usually jumping up and down screaming. my mostly-NT-but-not-really son gets emotional and cant use words, but is very vocal with throaty "ehhhh" noises at those times. i myself have issues when i get highly agitated where my brain literally shuts down and stops sending commands to my mouth to say something; i cant vocalize or even think at those times, its like my brain is frozen and there is no processing going on.

it sounds like your son is doing two different things, both shutting down and self injury. he is probably shutting down because of extreme emotional overload, and then when pushed even farther by other people, he is going into self injury mode. if you can give him space when he shuts down, he may be able to recover. but if he gets pushed over the edge and starts injuring himself, hes pretty much too far gone to come back any time soon. self injury can be pretty common in autistics when they are highly agitated, my SO bites himself, my aspie occassionally hits himself, and my autie throws himself on the floor at those times.

Unfortunately I am in no position to help the OP as I have a lot of problems with this myself. I literally can't speak a lot of the time when I'm upset. I just switch off and go practically mute.

Everything the OP wrote in their initial post is such a good description of what I experience and I just found it affected me so I had to let you know that.

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Warning, may trigger hearing sensory issues.

This little girl and how her mom is talking to her reminds me of when I was a kid. Notice the back to back questioning? As it turns out this girl needed a hearing aid too. Her crying to me makes me feel she is hurting. I also had ear problems and was in pain. Did not express my emotions but the back to back questioning would send me further in pain and the harsh tone of voice.



[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BIacA1HrB4[/youtube]

i'm like that. people don't really get it, although neither do i. they think i'm being rude or moody or something

This thread is kind of old so I'm just gonna say...

shutdowns. Purely and simply, that's what it is. We lose the ability to speak, have coordinated motor control when we shutdown.

When I'm tired or hungry or stressed or upset or anything like that being able to talk is usually one of the first things to go.

Suggestions:
1: Sometimes I can still write when I can't talk. Try giving him pencil and paper to express himself.
2: Sometimes if I can't do either of those things, I can still sort of play Charades to act out what is wrong.
3: Sometimes the pressure to communicate caused by the impatient worry of whoever is taking care of me is exactly what is keeping me too stressed to communicate. Telling me it's okay that I can't talk right now and giving me a relaxing break and waiting for me to bring up what I need after I've calmed down is often a good idea.
4: Sometimes I need to get out a lot of nonverbal emotional expression before I can find any words---things like waving my arms really hard and making noises---but I'm afraid of getting in trouble for that. Giving him a place to vent like that could help him get to a verbal place faster afterward.

I realize I'm a lot older than your kid so it's not necessarily all aplicable, but I think I needed the same sort of things when I was little. (I just never really got them, so I can't be totally sure they would have worked then.)

My 10 year old son is this way also. He is just now starting to be able to occasionally communicate a bit when he is in meltdown mode, but even that is a struggle.

We have attended a WONDERFUL therapy camp where they taught the parents (and the kids) that the brain of a person on the autism spectrum gets stuck in loops when stressed. It is like the brain has a short circuit. When that happens, the auditory and verbal capability basically shuts down. However, the visual ability is still functional. So, one of the things they taught us was to keep a small white board and pen with us so that we can write messages such as "I can breathe deeply and count to 10" or "I can get up and go to a safe place". Always an affirmative "I can" statement which seems to get into their brains well. It is amazing how well this can work with some kids. My son often will push the white board away or erase it, but I do try, and sometimes it works. I have found that even though he HATES writing at almost all times; when he is in meltdown mode, I can give him the white board and ask him questions and he can write the answers even though he is not able to verbalize them at that point.

This inability to hear and speak is my major way of deciding if I am dealing with a temper tantrum (he is mad, yelling, able to tell me what is going on, etc.) or a true ASD meltdown (no speech, only grunting sounds, if any, doesn't seem to be able to hear what I am saying).

This is important for schools and caregivers to understand. My son knows that he does not get away with tantrums just because of the ASD. There are consequences for those. But, a true meltdown is viewed differently.

Another difference is that tantrums are generally shorter and he can move past them fairly quickly (depending on the reason for them of course). Meltdowns can last 15-60 minutes, and he usually falls asleep afterwards because he is so exhausted from them.

The camp IS great. It was especially great when my son was first diagnosed and we had no idea where to start. In the summer, they do 5 days of therapy (as a day camp). They do OT, PT, vision therapy, neurologic music therapy, speech, and probably something else I am spacing out on right now. There is at least 1 adult for each child (max is about 8 kids per session). They do one-on-one therapies as well as group programs. They do a lot of sensory work too. At the end of each day, all the therapists get together and discuss the day. That way, if one therapist noticed something that might help in another area they are able to use that information for the next day. At the end of the 5 days, all of the therapists sit down with the parents and go over what they saw during the week. It helps you go home with ideas for home, for what therapy you should try to do at home, and just some new insights on your child. (This fall, almost every therapist told me that my son really shines when he is able to be the leader - so I should try to find opportunities for this. This could explain why he had such a hard time as a 4th grader in a 4th-6th grade class. He was one of the youngest, so he wasn't the leader like he was as the oldest in the 1st-3rd grade class.)

They also do a great job of starting with the assumption that all of the children are very capable. Even those with communication issues are viewed as having a lot to say and being able to communicate effectively if they are provided the appropriate materials.

My son would go to camp year-round if he could.

But, they really helped me learn to distinguish between a meltdown and a tantrum. And, they were the first ones to tell me that my son really COULDN'T hear or speak (at least not effectively) during a meltdown.

recently I was told I am autistic. This is new to me. Am I? I will tell you what happened to see if anybody else has had similar experience. Today at work I was Feeling overwhelmed but trying to keep working and calm myself down. Manager was standing behind me at a distance, but I still did not like the fact of someone standing behind me and watching. He kept telling me to smile and didn't want to. I was very frustrated and just trying to do my job and not freak out. He asked me what's wrong and I didn't feel like talking. All my energy was gone. All I could do is shake my head no. Then he starts asking me why I'm not saying anything. then he said just be yourself. I said I am, But it took a lot of effort just to say that. Then he noticed I was doing something strange with my hands. I guess, because he said what's the matter did you burn yourself? I work on a Hot grill, but no I did not burn myself. I just wanted to be left alone.