Do people think your ret*d before they get to know you?

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ppl think I am not "ret*d" but stupid when they first meet me because I have a far away look in my eyes...I have been told. I actually have this look because I am thinking all the time, not always on the present moment, but I love knowlege. I however am phenomally bad at math which holds me back in the science dept. I love science though as far as the information and factual part of it. I am also bad at spelling and diction because I have a moderate hearing loss my whole life and I spell things the way that I hear them. But I am very creative and I paint, write poetry, draw, sculpt, do fiber arts, and experiment with new forms from time to time. When people see my art, they usually cant believe that I had the brains and the depth to "pull it off".
This seems to be a common phenomenom in N/T and AS relations.

People have never thought that about me.

Before when I was more "naive" people thought I was weird or dumb.
And dumb not because of how I acted but because I got really bad grades because I was going through an emotional trauma thing and lost interest in school, but I wasn't sad or depressed. But people also thought I was homosexual or something cuz I was tomboyish, but it was only because I appeared to take no interest in dating and I always wore pants, but only because I could not stand skirts and stuff.

Now people think I'm just really quiet, aloof, emotional, childish, or caring or generous. Or all of them. Mostly childish, since I throw mild fits sometimes.
And some of my friends treat me like a child, and they're in the grade before me.
Which doesn't surprise me because I have always felt the most immature out of everybody, even if I was the oldest.

Some people have even called me a child. I take that as either good or bad, since I act like a child does throwing fits and being naive and asking questions and acting too happy all the time I'm not being emotional. And then caring or generous because I always give people stuff. But I only give people stuff so I will not be hated and also since I like seeing people happy.

I'm not exactly sure. People definitely find me off-putting. I find it very difficult to put together conversations and I think people judge me negatively on this.

Yes, most definately I've had a whole boatful of people even fellow Aspies whom, have felt that I was ret*d for not being up on current trends or due to the fact, my typing & writing skills tend to often create a conundrum unto most people resulting in many persons thinking I'm some 16yr old teenager which, is not the case whatsoever.. I'll admit that I do my best to write out my posts in a way that can be seen as intelligent and thoughtful but, since I don't go into very lengthy elaborate responses I guess most people tend to think that my IQ must range in 80 and below.. Anyways, whenever I'm onlline I'm always trying to get my point across as best as possible including this post of mine which, I hope can be seen without any confusion and all.. There is not much else I can say at this juncture though, this thread is something I found very interesting both on an intellectual level as a personal level both..

I can't help but wring my hands over and over when I'm nervous or bored. People usually take it wrong and ask me stuff in a slow voice like I'm a stupid dog or something. I snap out something witty and intelligent, then they get rather miffed and ignore me. I've given up pretended to be interested in stuff at work because everyone accuses me of being a walking encyclopedia, yet another label I try to avoid. At least my numerous pets love me.

I'm called weird and creepy, and people often mistake me for somebody who wants to have sex with them. But I'm too smart to be called ret*d.

I was thought of as an rtard in school by people outside my immediete circle.

_________________
I'm a writer, not a fighter and my pen is always loaded.

Magnús Scheving is my Icelandic rose

i tend to operate in absolutes, black and white, and find comfort in order... in saying that, i have been described as blunt and arrogant on a number of occasions... but never ret*d until recently, and that was my own brother. :-/

*****

from here (click)

my brother flew into the country on the 12th of December with his Fiancée and baby son for Christmas. i asked my older brother to leave (threw him out) last Monday afternoon (21st December) after an argument that started that morning.

the argument was about me not wanting to go to a catch up BBQ with his friend. the friend used to also be my friend until we had a shared birthday celebration around 18 months ago. i was made very uncomfortable by said friend and his friends. i will not elaborate though i will say that i do not like being the butt of jokes (there is a limit to my good humour) and i do not like my generosity or admittedly naive good nature being abused... or coming to the harsh realisation that this friend has been taking advantage of me, and making me a joke for some time.

so, my brother called me a f****** ret*d because i did not want to attend the BBQ. i don't like being called a f****** ret*d. i was pretty vocal in my response, i exploded at him. once in the morning, and then later in the day when he returned from his planned day out. he came in as if he had done nothing wrong, and wondered why there was no warm greeting from me. he repeated that i was indeed a ret*d and when asked he said that "yes" it felt good to insult me, he was also good enough to raise my AS and social anxiety in a not so positive light (f****** mental issues). i was made even more upset by this.

i may have over-reacted but i think i was in my right to do so... maybe a little bit anyway. i am tired of the s**t that is served up to me. i am 29; i am not someone that can be bullied, i am not someone that can be the butt of jokes, and i am not someone whose good nature can be abused. admittedly, i am naive to the ways of the world and too idealistic for my own good... but it does not mean that i can be milked for it - for the fact that i am not overly competent in detection of less-than-honourable intentions and agendas, and it would seem that i lack the cunning intelligence to have agendas of my own.

dear reader, you may sense that this blow up was not all about what occurred that day, unfortunately for all present it was probably about 20 odd years worth of frustration due to bullying... bullying in the home and at school.

as a child i was treated as a servant, as a teenager i was a lackey to be picked on (spotty, gangly, clumsy youth that i was), as a younger (though established on my career path) adult it would seem that i was a ready source of money to support him while he finished his study... and indeed, in retrospect, that my generosity is a fantastic convenience because i have some difficulty in saying no and in not being able to ask for loans to be repaid (:wall:)

i was quite angry. i told him that when he insults me like this it is difficult to know what to feel when i have always gone out of my way to help him - even when i was getting a foothold for myself and just starting out. i told him to get f****** a number of times, called him a c**t goodness knows how many times, asked him how much mileage he intended to get out of the story of me blowing up (asked if he and his friends would get a good laugh), and also told him that all the open ended loans i had ever given to him were to be paid back.

as i said; i was angry, admittedly it was not the appropriate way to respond to the insult but the words are said. i feel bad/sorry for everyone else present... it was not directed at them. if i didn't explode at him i would not have ruined Christmas for my family... but then if i was not insulted this would not have happened.

*sigh.

i don't know what else to say.

people...making the effort to get to know me?

Wait...are we in the same dimension, still?