Why is it so hard for NT's to comprehend special intrests?

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Second person to say that in a week on a similar subject. I just used a lot of chanspeak and anime terms that non-anime fans or channers probably won't get

it won't let me post it here, heres a small post i typed explainig it

http://tinypaste.com/ff9f7

you made me explain this =/



It's the same with people who are fans of obscure things, and it gets popular, and the old school is angered at some thing the neophytes bring in. It's understandable in some aspects, if they genuinely make things too socially acceptable by selling out (Science fiction) or something else. "New ideas" tends not to be enough to pis soff the old guard....



"Don't talk about politics" and some other things as it pisses people off. lol. Though I don't really follow that advice too much.

I actually asked a question like this in the hotline thread. Here's what i understand: you have 2 people in the ASD, one is obsessed with say numbers and the other is obsessed with a sport/sports team. The one who's taken to numbers will be viewed as the stange one to the public, but the one who is into the sports wont be. Its considered to be normal/acceptable to associate with sports, cars, etc (due to stereotypes and social trends) whereas the number guy/gal is a nerd or weird. Is a very funny division, but you can pretty much get an idea just by some observations (assuming that observation is something you will do).

NTs do the same damn thing, except with guys they do it with football and girls do it with make-up and Disney films (or whatever BS is cool now).

But when we do it with something else, it's terrible!

Idiots.

I think the main point is determining the difference between an interest and an obession. A person may enjoy talking about sports (or numbers, or anime....) but may also enjoy talking about other things. One should be able to maintain back and forth communication (about their interest or something else) and both parties should feel they are contributing to the conversation. Furthermore, the person should be able to guage whether the other wants to talk about this and if not, move on to some topic of shared interest. That's why sports or fashion are common topics: most people have some interest in them, though most people are not obsessed with them.

With an obession one may spend all his time on that topic and talk about it TO THE EXCLUSION of everything else and whether the other person wants to or not. With Aspies sometimes an NT can feel like the aspie is talking at them but does not care if the NT is interested or not, and does not care if the NT wants to contribute. You know how you feel when someone disbarages your interest? That's how NTs feel when an aspie goes on and on about an interest. It's not what most people do and after a while it bores the heck out of us because we don't share your inerest in ____.

To the OP, perhaps your parents took away your interest in order to expose you to other things and make you more "well rounded"? NT children and adults have a lot of things they are interested in (and many things that don't interest them as well), and they probably didn't understand the impact of removing your interest.

Peace,

What do you do when you do something inbetween like I do? As a kid, I did talk about the same weird subjects like the birds and stuff over and over again to people without caring if they were bored with it, but as an adult, I can tell when people are bored with it and move on. But on occasion I do get into a sort of mode where I can't stop talking about it.

Sometimes I'll bring stuff up, and if the person seems disinterested I'll just stop the convo right there. Usually people seem disinterested when they say one word replies to your conversation, don't look at you and look at something else, etc...

I agree with PunkyKat. I'm very defensive of my special interests, and I get very competitive if somebody merely suggests that they're a "huge fan" of one of my special interests. This is because I know that nobody except another Aspie could possibly have the love and level of intensity for the special interest as I do. I'm not a conceited person, and I very rarely brag, but I will go out of my way to prove the level of intensity of one of my major special interests if I'm so challenged. For example, last year at college, I ran into somebody who noticed I was wearing an I Love Lucy shirt. This person claimed to be a "huge fan" of the show. Lucy is and always will remain my biggest special interest, and it burned me that this person thought they knew so much about it. So, I just started showing off my encyclopedic trivia knowledge, and when I posed a moderately difficult trivia question (but not a difficult one for a true fan), to which the person did not know the answer, I walked away in victory.

I also have experienced loathing of NTs becoming interested in one of my special interests just because it's suddenly considered "cool." I don't mind when other people LIKE my special interests. In fact, that's nice, because I know that I can talk about the interests on a deeper level. But I get positively competitive and defensive when somebody merely suggests that they're a bigger fan than I am. To me, only another Aspie can love a subject as much as another Aspie. I like taking on trivia challenges for my interests, though, because it's the one time that I can let my encyclopedic knowledge shine, and know that memorizing useless facts actually comes in handy. Plus, my special interests define who I AM, so if somebody starts showing an interest in one of my obsessions, I feel as though they're copying me and taking away a big part of my identity.
-OddDuckNash99

You took the words right out of my mouth. I'm not very good at wording my feelings but this is EXTACTALY how I would explain it and EXTACTALY how I feel. Just replace Lucy with meerkats and you have me there.

I dont like to be bad at something but I have never felt and competitiveness when it comes to my obessions. If someone likes my interests then thats good. If they say they like p*** more than me just fine. And I know most anime lovers know more about anime than me. I feel no need to feel competitive.

Oh, good! I'm glad that you feel the same way. I've found that, at least with the Aspies I know, they're either defensive/competitive about their special interests and don't want to share them, or that they wish everybody would like their special interest (so they could talk about them with more people). My good friend is of the latter type. She likes sharing her special interests. I, of course, am competitive. I like spreading the knowledge of my special interests, informing people about them if it's not a well-known subject, but if anybody crosses into my territory, watch out!
-OddDuckNash99-

I suppose it must be because I invest a lot of time in them, and they make me happy. Kind of like drugs, I guess. Only it's not drugs. Though, my mom has called them obsessions, fanaticism, and stuff like that.

Agreed, it is viewed as unhealthy and almost as a drug. The NT world values being "well rounded," and considers that to be the path to a healthy and fulfilling life. For most people, it is. For AS, it is not.

Socializing is not unhealthy for a true NT because it does not cause stress or misery. The happiest NTs are the ones with a solid base of friendships. Studies have shown that. What causes misery is empty socialization in pursuit of some unknown goal that never materializes. Some NT's make that mistake, but it is considered a mistake, or unhealthy when done in that way. If socializing or spending money reaches the point of obsession in an NT it is, likewise, considered unhealthy. While you may think that certain NT's value some of that to the point of obsession, it's all relative, and it may not actually be at that level. The woman in the movie "Confessions of a Shop-a-holic" - THAT was obsession. For her, shopping was like a drug. In the NT world it is understood that needing anything at that level is unhealthy because it can't be sustained.

Just know that some parents of the next generation are reading

I learned long ago that my son NEEDS his special interests in a way I cannot relate to. While I stand firm that he can't expect ME to share his interests, we fully support those interests to the extent we are able. I worry about real life taking the wind of his sails on them, to the point where a few weeks ago my husband asked about some homework my son hadn't started and I said, "not now, he's working on a new game!" Something he hadn't done in half a year, because he kept seeing too many real life obstacles. My husband looked at me, "inventing trumps homework?" And I said, "today, yes."

Interesting point. I just can't share my son's interests, and the details literally hurt my brain. But I've told him he's free to talk all he wants, but he has to accept that I may not really be listening. Is that an acceptable compromise? For a while he tried to quiz me on what he had told me, and THAT drove me nuts. Face it, I have my own needs and quirks, so we've got to find a way to meet in the middle.

lol wow, I had noooo idea it was ever uncool to be way into a certain animal. It always seemed like animals were one of the "neutral" interests. I can maybe see how a guy might get teased for liking furry cute little critters like meerkats, but I've never seen a girl get teased for it.

In general, I think that NTs accept most special interests and that people have them, NTs have special interests too. Special interests only become a source of irritation when it is all the conversation is about. And NTs in general only regard special interests as unhealthy when they seem to exclude and isolate the persons having them from "normal" interaction with others. I can't blame parents of aspie kids for being worried when they see that other kids shun the company of their kid because their kid is only interested in talking about their special interest. Because not being able to limit one's focus on one's special interest when conversing with others will, unfortunately, constitute a problem when socializing with NTs. NTs find what they perceive as onesided focus and conversations boring. And unfortunately, they are not good at hiding it.

At our home we have one big open living area. My stepson wants to be around his dad and I, but it becomes difficult when he talks constantly about his special interest, or sings about it, or hums songs about it, or reads books about it while commenting every few seconds on something he's read about it.

I believe in being supportive of his special interest, but if you are sharing living space with others you have to take some consideration of their needs as well. I can't focus on what I'm reading if there are other noises in the room. Either can my husband.

Our son is allowed to read books about his special interest in the living room, or watch videos (with headphones) but he is not allowed to sing the same song over and over again repeatedly, or interrupt us every couple of minutes with some new fact he wants to share.

His needs are important, but so are ours.