pandd wrote:
I think that some of the posters in this thread are very naive and unrealistic. The behavior they want eliminated is normal typical human functioning not some kind of aberration. Changing such behavior is difficult if it is even possible. In terms of a child being picked on and rejected others are actually allowed to choose who they socialize with and even if their current peers can be taught to not pick on them, then how will this help that child if they move schools or attempt to interact with children outside their school, or when they are adults and need to get along in the work place?
In an ideal world everyone would accept everyone else, we'd all hold hands and sing coke anthems together in perfect harmony. We do not live in an ideal world though. Parents who want to help their children have a better experience when attempting to interact with peers are unlikely to be able to change each and every one of those peers, nearly as easily as they could teach their child adaptive behaviors that will benefit their child in all kinds of enviornments and circumstances, throughout their childhood and into their adulthood.
It makes a lot more sense for a parent to try to upskill their own child than to try and make everyone else's child a "better person". A parent has more ability to expand their own child's skills than they have to change the behavior of every child at their child's school. Even if a parent can teach every child at their child's school to be nicer people, any benefits to their own child will evaporate as soon as their own child leaves that environment for one fill of children who have not been "improved". If the parents choose to upskill their own child, then the child takes the benefits with them whereever they go.
True, improve your own child's social skill set and teach them to stand up for themselves. But I also think the bully and their environment (allowing this behaviour to occur) need help too. Is their dysfunction at home? how do the family treat him/her? How does he/she feel about himself and those around him/her? Is a mental illness or personality disorder involved?
pensieve wrote:
MissConstrue wrote:
I'm not sure why bullies do what they do. Most of the kids that bullied me seem like they had pretty good lives. I remember one girl in particular at school who had a lot of friends as well as good looks. I could never understand why she had it in for me.
They do it for fun or they start hating you for a very minor thing about your personality. When people make jokes about weight, race or disability I see this as a starting stage of bullying.
I knew some people that would harass people online (or troll) and it got me thinking that was probably how they were in school. I have since distanced myself from them.
I had two girls that verbally abused me (not at the same time, in different schools) and I didn't really know why. I didn't talk so they probably thought I didn't like them too, but I suppose race and the fact that I was a bit tomboyish were contributing factors.
MissConstrue, did this bully seem narcisisstic in any way? Pensieve has a point about tolerating bullying and the pully's perspective. If someone else decides there's something "wrong" with you and you deserve to be "punished" for it, you can do little to change that except stand up for yourself. I add that Prejudice on the bully's part is a factor.
04 Feb 2010, 12:08 pm
