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Analyzing how people treat us vs NTs

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TheDoctor82
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22 Mar 2010, 6:31 pm

it also brings up an important point:

what's the point in honestly learning any better social skills to interact with these people when they've already decided they don't like us?

I have just enough to get by, and that's good enough for me; I just let my qualities shine thru instead, and use those to my advantage.

Believe me...no matter how good your social skills are, they can tell something is off...and they still won't like you.

And knowing us, whatever time you spend working on your social skills is time not spent on what you're good at doing; basically you're doing little more than making bare improvements to an area that'll always be half-assed at best, while neglecting areas where you could absolutely shine. And it's busting your ass to impress people who already don't like you.



Shebakoby
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22 Mar 2010, 8:25 pm

TheDoctor82 wrote:
it also brings up an important point:

what's the point in honestly learning any better social skills to interact with these people when they've already decided they don't like us?

I have just enough to get by, and that's good enough for me; I just let my qualities shine thru instead, and use those to my advantage.

Believe me...no matter how good your social skills are, they can tell something is off...and they still won't like you.

And knowing us, whatever time you spend working on your social skills is time not spent on what you're good at doing; basically you're doing little more than making bare improvements to an area that'll always be half-assed at best, while neglecting areas where you could absolutely shine. And it's busting your ass to impress people who already don't like you.


Yeah there's a certain futility involved in people whose minds are already unchangeably made up. There's no point making an effort for douchebags.



alana
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22 Mar 2010, 8:38 pm

TheDoctor82 wrote:
alana wrote:
justMax wrote:
I do this due to a reverse filter, the only people who matter to me, are those who have shown I matter to them.





that really is the lesson we have to learn. I understand in memesplice's case with inlaws there isn't much you can do, but it still is the point. Sigh...I am thinking now about the last attraction I have had to someone and it's kind of the same thing. God it's depressing.



I actually don't find it all that depressing to be perfectly fair; as you even said we make really good partners; but deep down, they obviously don't.

One thing I like about being Autistic is that if nothing else really weeds out all the bad people, that sure as hell will do it.

When finding a soul mate, virtually everyone is already wrong for someone. Perhaps you've heard the saying "there's someone for everyone"; that's true--someone.

There's someone for everyone, but there're also substitutes for everyone; ya just gotta work a lot harder at it with the latter; oh...and humans aren't known for being motivated and hard-working...ya see where I'm goin' with this?

Being rejected by everyone on the planet doesn't mean you're not worthy....it means they aren't. It's just nature's way of showing it to you.

But then..look how they're relationships usually go. High divorce rates, alimony, etc.

Basically, everyone and their mom is attracted to each other; we're left out of that equation...but a lot more good comes out of that then you may realize.


sorry, to be clear, that 'depressing' comment was more in reference to some recent experience of mine, not to the situation in general.

in my brother's experience what I have gathered is that he did not fare well as a younger man but the older he got he had no problem finding women because enough women had wised up to lose the studs and were looking for someone faithful, with a job, some maturity and some sense. he was a virgin til 29 (he is also pretty religious so i think that had something to do with it...he did have girlfriends so I think his thing was more the christian no sex before marriage than being on the spectrum which he clearly is). His girlfriend now is the bomb, she has a good job, her master's degree, two kids in college, etc, a really together woman.



memesplice
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23 Mar 2010, 2:26 am

Thing is you've got to become hyper objective if you are going to survive this family partner thing.
Think about it.

1. They are going to spot you are "different" at some point and decide you are "annoying".

2. They're going to do that NT hostility exclusion thing. It's just a few simian bites to the face not a lot more than that and you can deal with it.

3. They won't know it but you will make a good loyal partner to their family member. You will be into your kids and prioritise them, ie not go out boozing etc, have loud mates in house etc, go off with other women. You can help the kids with learning, ( did A level with one of mine in a week) run your kids around to Karate etc., spend your spare cash on them, and that is really all you want to do.

4. It's the partners family's perception of you, not your own self understanding. They're most likely than not going to respond like this, so basically , if they do behave like this you've got to think I love my family ,so fck 'em ,right from early on


You've got to acknowledge this might be how it's going to be from the start. If they do turn out to be Aspi friendly and accepting then that's going to be one big bonus. More likely than not what ever illusion you have of being a part of something, a family etc' group is not going to materialize, so it's just another wishful self delusion, and you've got to get in there with some hard reality in your head before you start dealing with them.