Living on your own terms/Not caring what other people do

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IWishIWasCioran
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25 Mar 2010, 5:45 pm

Fairly new here on wrongplanet but must say I'm enjoying immensely reading folks comments (not for the problems any and/or suffering of individuals, but as concerns the fact so many folks have Asperger's/related 'in common', as myself.) I'm not looking for a friend(s) (although, que sera sera), just the personal satisfaction I receive via affirmations expressed herein by others that are of a similar bent; it brings a wry smile to my face in that so many folks in the world who are 'not' seem to have such trouble accepting folks who 'are.'

I'm a baby boomer in my 50's and have always been a 'resister' of sorts: I don't acquiesce: I fit in to the extent say a 'job' required - but - not what the social small talk of no concequence some embrace as requiste; I make my own way/place. I treat others as I wish to be treated - decently (ahh, there's the rub: what exactly does 'decently' mean? Varies from opine to opine, obviously); I expect others to do the same... as such re: the latter, I have been disappointed in life - often. As I've said many times, human beings disappoint me greatly for the most part; seems to me society is made up for the most part of 'belonging' to or 'joining' this, that or some other 'group' or 'clique' if you will. Fine, if it works for you/that is what you want - perfectly fine as well & uneccessary on the other if it does not and/or you do not wish to 'belong.' Ditto this forum; to each their own: be here for the compassion, the laughs & giggles, knowledge gleaned & imparted, whatever... no expectations beyond.

If only the day to day life were as simple.

I have in the past had folks take my resistance to being 'like them' (me trying to 'be different' their inference) via such innocuous ways as my freedom of choice (including whether I chose to socilaize be it on a coffee break, lunch, someone's birthday in an office/gift-giving etc.,) as a personal affront. Right, as if my goal in life was to be obstinate and contrary - 'just' to spite them. Hilarious.

Even being 'decent' as twere, the nature internet posting is such that readers may often be unaware and/or do not understand nuance(s) in another's reply, cannot see the tongue firmly implanted in cheek, etc. Misconceptions are easy enough to come by even when folks aren't trying to be difficult, let alone when 'in the world' there are those who thrive on just that tack, i.e., -"you WILL conform to my standards and sense of normalcy whether you like it (spelled 'can') or not."

I would no more try and make someone else 'be like me' (not that there's anything wrong with that - being 'me', aka yourself) than would I be amenable to others who try & force me/whomever to be like them. Too many folks in my experience seem to feel I and others were somehow being 'arrogant' ,or, to use their words, spoken or inferred - "you think you're better than us, huh?" etc. Such insecurity and paranoia on their part.

Any way, enough of this LONG post mine for now, I need to rest my typing digits (if we were 'in the normal world', someone might think I was trying to impress with either my verbosity or typing ability - or both :P )



danmac
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25 Mar 2010, 7:35 pm

[quote="kia_williams"]Mmm, the fun subject.


A world where a "lack" of social indicators actually makes someone look for more subtle signs than getting freaky
thank you for that
I have a firm belive that my personality(everybody has a place not disese,sickness,)will not be truly defined for a long time and I have always been very good at reading people,firther more I can always see non-norms,I've said he/she is bi-polir,scizo,crazy(don't get ofended by crazy it's a term I use it just means not normal, I am crazy ,I look for crazy girls for compainynship normees bore me)and have been right alot.I try all the time to show me friends its in the eyes .....the pattern, almost starry. they never see it



zen_mistress
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25 Mar 2010, 11:06 pm

therange wrote:
I noticed a lot of Aspies on here seem to have a gripe with NTs, and there's a lot of NT bashing. I'm not even saying I disagree with a lot of what is said - there is a lot of truth to it, but I guess my point is, why do NTs or people that don't understand matter?

At my core, even if I could change the things about me that needed to be changed in order to be able to function normally in society as far as having a full-time job, blending in, etc., I'm a guy that likes being at home more often than not, and if not for my music projects, liking to occasionally dine out, liking to clothes shop, liking to be seen with nice clothes, and having errards to do, I would never leave the house. I have no ambition to travel to exotic islands for a vacation. In fact, I'd really just like to see more of the United States, places like Seattle, Arizona, LA. I don't drive, and even if/when I get my license whenever I move and live in a more carefree driving area (my area is like a mini Boston or New York as far as traffic and stopping and going) I won't care about what kind of car I drive. Will likely just get any 10 year old car that has good mileage.

In other words, I don't require a lot of money to survive. My mom is a good cook, but a lot of the time, I eat microwaveable macaroni and cheese, cans of soup, and take-out pizza and calzones.

I understand there are some people on here that want to live the so-called "normal" life...want a family and kids, expensive things, a house, etc., but for those who don't, why worry what NTs are doing or thinking?

It reminds me of people into politics who follow it like sports and waste time and energy getting mad at the other side. What's the point?

Moreover, I don't mind in the meantime being seen by a few non-understanding members of my family as the grown man living with his parents and not working. Anyone who has truly sat down and heard my story knows that I have endured and survived more than most would be able to handle if put in the same situation as myself. Does it bother me when someone notices my awkwardness in public (which doesn't even happen as often anymore now that I'm displaying more confidence)...of course it does. But I don't let it dictate my life.

I know some people will say "Don't you want independence?" The way I see it, I am independent in other ways. Sure, I rely on my parents for food, clothing and shelter, but I'm free of the bullsh*t that most other people choose to put up with (Aspies and NTs alike) so they can project an image of being a functioning member of society. I don't have any kids, any bills for unnecessary things, and I don't require much to survive.

For the Aspies that want the American Dream, I'm not criticizing you. But for those who don't, why does the small stuff matter?


You may be happy with that situation now.. but when you reach your 30s it will get very, very old.


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Taking a break.


anbuend
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25 Mar 2010, 11:30 pm

I don't generally gripe about NTs as a whole. But the reason I care what people think? Because my life, liberty, and many other things have depended completely upon the opinions of others in the past. To be in a situation where people's opinions of us don't have life and death relevance is a privilege not everyone has.


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Danielismyname
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26 Mar 2010, 12:01 am

I compromise for no one and I don't care about "them" at all.