I wouldn't want to be a child again. I was often physically abused by my older brother until he left home, then both mentally and physically abused by other members of the family, mainly my sister who wanted to rule over me. She'd play all sorts of mind games with me, and it drove me insane. She'd abuse my and our parents wouldn't do anything, yet if I fought back, I was wrong.
I spent the first 6 years of my life, prior to attending school, only around my family, since our parents didn't let us play with neighbor kids because there was one really bad one amogst them. I used to want to play, but since my sister was the only playmate I was allowed to have, she made it clear she was in charge and everything was her way on her terms, no compromise, no exceptions.
For a while we went to separate schools, and it wasn't so bad, then my parents wanted both of us in the same school, and she often got others to pick on me. Of course, there were no consequences for her, even when she admitted to what she did. They were trying to get me to be more like her since she read a lot, played an instrument, was in the marching band, how could someone like that be bad?
Then later they became obsessed with the idea of me swimming learning to love it, so they denied me everything and began forcing me into the pool whenever my sister went, declaring in some cases that if I wasn't doing anything, I had to swim, and of course no activity I did was worthy of being considered "doing anything." She could take a day or 2 off from swimming anytime she wanted with no consequences, but of course I wasn't given that option.
They also frequently took away the only things that gave me peace, time by myself to play, radio, music, TV, for some reasons that were often vague, contradictory, and obviously done just to make me miserable and not accomplish anything.
I just wish I had been allowed to be myself and let be. I probably would have grown up into some sort of nerdish, techie type, who would be happy with who he is, not afraid to actually want a direction in life because he knows it won't be sabotaged.
_________________
PrisonerSix
"I am not a number, I am a free man!"