The "are you ok?" invaders

Post Reply New Topic

It's equivalent because it induces the same degree of panic.

These people KNOW the person means well. They just find that it makes them panic to be approached when zoned out.

dup post.

My ex used to ask me things like "Are you ok?" and "How are you feeling?" and I hated it. Then he finally stopped when I got annoyed by it but I saw he did it to others too because I saw him doing it to his friend. He asked it a lot.

I hate it when my husband asks me what's wrong or if I am okay but I tell him I am fine and ask him "why?" and he says I looked unhappy or upset. I guess I have these weird facial expressions that don't match the inside or he read me wrong.

If anyone asks me if I am okay, I say "yeah" and problem solved.

I also hate "how are you?" I just say "good" or "fine."

I try and be polite because these people are trying to be friendly and they don't know me so how are they supposed to know?

My boss used to ask me all the time "what's wrong?" and I started to get irritated by it. It was just annoying because I was getting it everyday. Mom told me with my attitude, my boss is going to think something is wrong and I should try putting on a smile she won't think something is wrong.

?????

It annoys me when people ask me, "Are you okay?"
(BTW I am very well aware that they mean well!)

As others have mentioned before, the Are You OK Brigade tends have impeccable timing for interrupting when I am in the middle of a daydream or a deep-thought session. Or when I am feeling perfectly fine, and didn't realize that I looked 'not ok' at all.

My response is usually, "I'm fine, why?"
For some odd reason, people don't answer that "Why?" They just smile and walk away.

And then I have to try to re-gather the thoughts that those well-meaning people unintentionally scattered everywhere. Life goes on.

Last edited by CleverKitten on 31 Mar 2010, 6:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

As much as those questions annoy me, I learned recently how important they can be. End of fall quarter this year, one of my classmates appeared to be sleeping in the commons area. Finals were approaching, everyone was on overload, so no one thought much about it. About 15 minutes later, someone decided to check on her. She had passed out and barely had a pulse. This was not drug or alcohol related.

Since then, I try not to let it bother me as much and accept it as genuine concern.

Right, I used to ask "Why," after my answer until it continued and continued. But I've experienced it so much I guess I know their reasoning.

Yes, that happens to me, too, with my coworkers. They actually bother to ask "What's wrong?" without me telling them anything is wrong in the first place. Is it really common decency to ask a person what is wrong? Do people really think that if you're not smiling, then something must be wrong? This is not my assumption at all, ever in my life, although I smile anyway (usually nervously).


It's funny that the scenarios of extremes are brought up here when "Are you OK?" is really not an extreme. I mean, it's not like having spiders thrown on me, but it does take me out of my train of thought and it makes me think about whether or not I'm okay. It's something I would never consciously think about, but am asked often and then I must take the time to consider. I don't think "Are you okay?" is a question that saves humanity; it's not the most caring question and it's certainly not a "big deal" question. It's just an annoying question to me that pretty much means nothing in the end.

Hey, if someone really cared whether or not I'm okay, then why do they let it go after I tell them I'm okay? That doesn't sound like a genuine question at all. What would happen if I said no, would they think it's a big deal? (From my experience, they don't.) By the way, I apologize granatelli, I didn't mean to bash at you; instead I was focusing on the topic. I didn't realize until now that other people have posted such similar comments as yours.

There was a clip that I still think is hilarious from the parody movie Scary Movie 3, where one girl is dead with her head fallen off, and the other girl is asking, "Are you okay?" The girl who is asking this totally disregards the fact that the first girl is dead/decapitated. That is my kind of comedy. But that is not what happens in real life.

It will only annoy me when I'm watching a movie and my friends would be asking me if I was okay, what really would annoy me is that I would have to constantly come up with an excuse to say that I have a headache or got alot on my mind, it normally works.

I remember another member asking me that and that is the same answer he got from me.

If someone in public asks me if I'm okay, I head home as fast as I can.

Reason? Ever since I turned around 13 or so, if I go out in public I have a really good chance of some "good citizen" asking if I'm okay. And no matter what I answer, I have found they often call the cops on me to report a "ret*d" (usually the word they use) person "wandering around unsupervised". If I'm lucky the cops leave me alone or take me home. But often they don't believe I live alone and call my phone number asking for staff. And since my cat can't answer calls... and I have been taken to psych wards or to police stations. Worse if they sneak up from behind and grab me and I startle and try to pry them off me and get thrown in handcuffs before I realize it's the cops and not like a rapist or something.

The last time this happened to me I was sitting outside my own apartment complex waiting for staff to arrive. Unbelievable. I still don't know... I mean I understand the times I was melting down but most times I wasn't doing anything. With my power wheelchair I get bugged less often because people attribute my appearance to a physical condition. But aside from this I have no idea why they have to report me for walking around or sitting or whatever. I got lucky last time. The second cop knew me and pulled in after the first one started questioning me.

But basically before I got the powerchair I stopped going outside alone to avoid this. And I know from stories in the news that I am lucky I have never gotten shot for failing to respond quick enough or reaching in a pocket for a communication device or something. So to me "Are you okay?" is a signal to go home NOW.

I never udnerstood that. I know why they feel that it's a nice thing to ask, but I always felt like I was being attacked.

If I say yes they arent going to believe me. The fact that they are asking randomlly proves that.

I want to smack them in the face, to be honest. I know that they're trying to be caring, but it's so annoying. They're like flies buzzing in your ear. I get really irritated, but I've learned to contain myself and just walk away.

This is yet another reason I avoid human contact as much as possible. Jello Biafra of the Dead Kennedys coined a good term for this phenomenon (and based upon what i've heard about Europe and my few encounters with Europeans) and it seems to be a uniquely American one for the most part.

He called it...."Zen Fascism". Americans seem to lust for optimism at all costs. They just can't bear an unsmiling face nor can they seem to conceive of a troubled person in a shiny, happy, non-judgemental, easy-going, stress-free, non-competative, fair, classless, etc... utopian society such as our own I believe our corporate culture is to blame for much of this. We no longer allow human beings to feel a full range of emotions. We brutally repress all outward expression of negative, or even neutral for that matter, emotion lest such emotions hurt the almighty "bottom line". Everyone must walk around with a perma-smile and a happy helmet....or else.

I've gotten to the point where I simply ignore people (like clerks at check-out counters) when they tell me to "smile". How do they know if the unsmiling person didn't just lose a loved one? How do they know if the person isn't suffering from some serious physical and/or mental problem which makes damnably difficult to get out of bed in the morning...let alone smile? I'll never understand why some people find it necessary to bother strangers, even in quasi-friendly ways like this. I don't ask people to kind to me, I don't ask them to be cruel to me. I just want to be left in peace. To be fair.....most people do just that. Nonetheless....there still are plenty of "busy bodies" who just seem unable to leave "well enough alone". I have to wonder if these people have nothing better to do with their time and thoughts aside from bothering perfect strangers about one trifling thing after another. I can't even stand getting on elevators because some clown who can't bear the "awkward silence" has to start babbling about the weather or something. Jesus Christ....we're just two creatures of the same species temporarily inhabiting the same space!! ! Is there really any NEED to intrude on someone else's microcosm simply because you can't deal with silence for one minute?

Furthermore....we seem to live in a society in which everyone is a comedian in their own mind. Usually....I find their "humor" to be pretty dull, predictable and downright unhumorous. Author Joe Queenan wrote something about this in his book, "Balsamic Dreams". The book is essentially a scathing, yet somewhat tongue-in-cheek, criticism of the baby boomer generation. Queenan said there was once a time in America when people were just expected to be DECENT. Now everyone is expected to be comedian, a genius, a gifted-eccentric "artist", a beauty queen/nubian god, etc.....We live in a society of narcissists.


It might be one thing if a person APPEARS to be open to petty small talk. But i'd say most who are just standing in line with a blank expression on their face and not making any eye contact aren't.

I don't think they always have good intentions either. While their intentions usually aren't nefarious (like they want to kill, rob, or rape you).....what TRUE "good intentions" REALLY motivate people when they tell you to "smile"?

I just think it's their sneaky way of pretending like they're so well-adjusted and wise. It's almost like they're saying, "Haha!! !....i'm happy and you're not....sucks for you"! !!

Or does it depress the poor dears when they see an unsmiling face? If so....I suppose I must rediscover my mission in life. I guess I need to remember that i'm here to bring joy and good cheer to every heart


In any event.....my utter indifference towards 99.9% of my fellow humans usually shows on my face and because of that....MOST people look at me very briefly and then, thankfully, quickly turn away.

Sorry....maybe i'm cynical about this, but I doubt it has much to do with "human kindness" in most cases. I mean OK....if we're talking about someone laying down in public...that's one thing. Obviously that person might be sick, injured, or possibly... dead. But this nonsense of "smiling on cue" really is absurd IMO. I SEE ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WHATSOEVER TO SMILE IN THE CHECK-OUT LINE OF THE GROCERY STORE!! ! I'm not yelling.....i'm just trying to emphasize the utter lunacy of this crap. Why is so necessary to invade and interrupt the microcosm of a complete stranger with such mundane and meaningless nonsense? You telling me to smile isn't going to alter my world one bit for the better. Violating the sovereign mind of another for this idiocy is really uncalled for. For the record....i'm not "sh***y" to such people....I simply ignore them.

It's just pointless and there's no selfless justification for it IMO. That is....I really think it's more about a selfish, ego-driven impulse within the individual and less about "human kindness".

People might LIKE TO BELIEVE they're being "kind" when they smile at perfect strangers or when they tell them to smile. I tend to believe it's just their easy way of feeling good about themselves in a society as morally bereft as the Third Reich.

After all....everybody wants to pin an easy good guy/girl badge to their lapel in this asinine society of sociopaths.

If Americans REALLY wanted to be good guys n' girls...they might want to consider boycotting Wal-Mart and countless other organized crime syndicates euphemistically referring to themselves as "corporations".

But that would be too much of an inconvenience eh?.....It's much easier to smile while 15 y/o slaves in "developing world" concentration camps die for that cute plaid skirt you only paid $12.00 for.

Well, I for one will not stop asking people who seems to be either in distress, on the brink of a seizure or unconsciousness whether they are ok. I've helped quite a lot of people who've zoned out because of drugs or illness, and won't be deterred by the off chance that the person may have AS and is actually doing fine. I won't take that chance. Then I'd vastly prefer to be yelled at for interrupting.

The question "How are you" in greeting, does not signify a need to know the real and detailed answer. but the question "Are you okay?" more often than not signifies genuine concern. And it is actually a good thing that people care about each other's well-being enough to ask. It would be a harsh world if no-one cared.

my response to the are you ok question is usually
"i'm ok thanks"
people leave it at that.

has anyone ever been asked that question, said yes and been asked this follow up?
"no, how are you really feeling?"

My NT sister gets asked this a lot by a guy she knows who is training to be a psychiatrist.
it would be annoying because you would feel "Hey I don't need a psychiatrist, mind your own business!"

It does bug me when people tell me to smile.
It also bugs me when I have a smile on my face because some random funny thought is in my head, and someone in a bad mood snaps "why are you smiling for?" so basically you get told off for being happy.