I really need some help

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Personally, I first approached all of this while still a chronic alcoholic, and I do understand that is not your brother’s case. Nevertheless, the following excerpt from "A.A.", the book, certainly does fit many non-drinkers also:



Overall, I believe ArtificialMan has offered some helpful insight here:



You have asked, "How did you manage to change what you tried to solve?"

There is no short answer here, but I accepted help from a man who began teaching me how to live, and I did that because I knew my own best efforts at the things mentioned above were not working. He began demonstrating effective ways to have personal relationships, and he began showing me how my emotional nature could be controlled. He helped me see how a lot of my misery was my own fault, and he taught me to get out of self to diminish depression. Not all of us can be self-supporting, but he showed me how to at least try effectively ... and now these many years later, I know I am not completely useless, and I no longer live in overwhelming fear of never amounting to anything or of the never-ending things other people might ever say or do. But with or without AS/HFA, none of that is truly possible as long as a sufferer believes he or she actually can somehow manage his or her own way into happiness.

Last edited by leejosepho on 06 Apr 2010, 6:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Depression is always both a cause and an effect. Welcome to the carousel.

1. I am an Aspie. I like to be alone
2. I am alone
3. I get lonely or sad sometimes
4. I do not really know how to share my feelings and sometimes I dont want to anyway
5. I get depressed
6. I get more withdrawn and lonely because I have even bigger feelings I dont know how to share.
7. I start to struggle in school, work, relationships
8. I get more depressed
9. Things start to fall apart
10. I get more depressed

The trick is to stop the cycle. You can try to stop the depression or the stuff falling apart, but either way its all a cycle. Maybe help your brother find ways to communicate his feelings such as drawing them, composing, writing, etc. Sometimes we have to be heard in a different way.

Upochapo - thanks a lot for that, that explanation seems very accurate and is very helpful. The way of thinking of the body and mind as being separate is very interesting and something im considering to pursue. Though due to him (and me) being unable to understand his emotions and what is body is telling him, and ending up going back to his mind and thinking about it is a problem, so im going to have to think how i'd go about doing that.

Leejosepho - also thanks a lot for your insight. by talking to us about his problems and (perceived) difficulties he is having seems to show he is on the right track.

It seems like he has a lot of these cycles which are connected to each other and has almost got lost in them and doesn't know where he is or what is causing the problem anymore.
Yeah aspies are usually better in communicating in other ways, but its trying to find the most effective way which he is prepared to communicate in which seems to be a big problem.
Thankyou


Also if anybody is interested he has just been prescribed some anti-depressants today, Fluoxetine (spelling?) which will hopefully "kick start" him. If anybody on here has had any experience of being on it i'd be interested to hear about it if possible?

Thanks so much again for all your help!

You're welcome, Gassy.

If I were you, I would try and telling your brother to try and let go of trying to figure out what is making him depressed for the moment. It's making him anxious. His system is overloaded with sensory input already that is why he keeps going back into his mind.

One thing that may help is getting your brother to try and start doing some deep breathing exercises from his diaphragm in a slow steady manner. This will help calm things down a bit. It's safe and easy to do. See if he can do a natural count. Mine is like 3 beats of inhale and 3 beats of exhale. The closer he can get it to his natural rhythm of relaxed breathing the better.

That's good news to hear about the antidepressant. They can be beneficial and hopefully his system takes to it pretty well. Once the antidepressant kicks in, he can use that opportunity to start figuring out his emotions and feelings and finding ways of releasing them in a healthy way and also start learning self-awareness. Feelings are always subjective and they are never right or wrong. If I were him, I would use the KISS (Keep it simple stupid) principle at first. That's what I did. If it's a good feeling, say I like this, this feels good. If it's a bad feeling this doesn't feel good. And, when the bad feelings crop up find a safe and healthy way to vent or express that negative energy and get it out of his system.

You guys have the right attitude towards the medication. You know that it won't solve the underlying problem. What is important right now is not figuring out what the real problem is that caused all this This may never make itself known. However, the negative feelings may surface. It's important to get those expressed and out. He'll be able to do this with the therapist or wherever or whoever he feels safe with.

In time, your brother WILL discover his triggers that cause a whole bunch of the negative feelings. This is not an overnight process and can take a very long time to figure it all out. He has a lot of good things going for him. Especially you. You both have the right attitudes and your brother seems to be a real problem solver and seems to want to grow and better himself as a person. You guys may not see it or feel it at the moment but he is off to a good start and I believe your brother will overcome this .

Take care.