Ever Heard "I know you're AS but..."

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as respectfully as possible, AS is not a "personal issue" that one can choose to "be a dick" or not be a dick about.

i think you're proving OP's point.

So every one of us individually is acting like a dick? You know this for sure? You can't just group us all like that.
In my case I get told when I get angry, become asocial or don't want to do something new. How is that taking it out on everyone else? I don't say 'it's because of AS' and I sure don't say 'you should treat me better.'

You try getting yelled at because your senses have overloaded and you act out or are paralyzed with rage and the more people tell you to snap out of it the worse it becomes.

I never said nor meant to imply everyone with AS is the same.

Likewise I hope you are not implying that any type of behavior is OK from someone just because they have AS. No matter what our lot in life we need to be thoughtful of others. I wasn't talking about someone quietly exiting a party. I'm talking about the people that said they are often accused of being confrontational or rude.

As unfair as that sounds, and as much as everyone is getting on your case for this, I do kind of know what you mean. It doesn't necessarily mean it applies to everyone (or ANYONE) in this thread, however.
There are some things I just can't help. If I'm struggling to keep a conversation going with one of my friends, they don't blame it on me or think that I just don't like them, they understand that I simply can't help it. But I remember when I was younger and I would get overloaded at a party or social gathering, etc, before I'd learned to just leave I would sit in a corner and try to be as far away from everything as possible. I thought leaving would offend everyone more. Someone would approach me and ask if I was alright and I would snap at them. That's an example of being-a-dick-about-it. I wasn't doing it on purpose, and eventually I learned to handle myself better, but being a kill joy was bringing down everyone around me when I should have just left the party on my own.

I hope no one misinterprets me and thinks I'm saying that all aspies are inherently dicks who need to fix themselves I'm not saying that at all. I was sort of an inherent dick, but by no means does that imply anything about anyone else. I just know that it's possible lol.

EDIT: To elaborate further in the hopes of not offending, I'll say that all the examples everyone's been posting of times when someone's said "I know you have AS but..." have been examples of them being in the right, and the person saying that being a total dick.
Especially

That kills me. That's definitely one of the worst/most common

"I know you have AS but..." reminds me of "I'm not racist but..."
A sentence like that is never going to end well.

I used to work at a Zumiez and it was my job to be social with 3-6+ people simultaneously. add 8 hr shifts,cramped and aspergers= was a very hard job . but honestly if i didn't have to stay and close, i didn't mind it. my managers were pricks though, i got sent home early multiple times for supposedly having an attitude. one of my co-workers one night who was an assist mngr
told me i have no right to complain about noise levels, and closing til 1 Am. i finally told him i have aspergers, and that what everyone i work with see's is a mask, and he looked dumbfounded. Like he honestly couldn't grasp the concept that all my social skills i had, were picked up from friends, and being taught at the zumiez staff meetings. eventually all the shifts i got for 3 weeks straight were closing shifts, so i quit... 2 days later my manager tried to re-hire me. i declined


idk about anyone else, but being an 18 yr old male, my whole life i have always found it really really easy to socialize with girls and get girlfriends. might be the topic for another forum but, do any of you think that maybe since i grew up with my mom and 2 sisters, i learned all my basic social understandings from them? maybe if my dad had been in my life, i would find it equally easy to befriend more guys.

I know you have AS but..." reminds me of "I'm not racist but..."
A sentence like that is never going to end well.

boy is THAT true!

I think that sounds exactly right. You studied those interactions and learned everyday and could replay them with ease. It's a good point that as we practice we get smoother at what you call the Mask (I call the Force Field).

I was a receptionist for awhile many years ago and learned how to answer the phone and direct the calls, and how to greet people who came in. I was actually trained in how to greet people, and got to see many many people doing greetings all day long. People who came in greeted me back, and when I contacted the people inside that they were here to see, that person would come out to get the visitor and they would greet each other.

When I left that job I was very good at greetings! Problem is as soon a the greeting is over...... awkward silence....

[quote]"When I left that job I was very good at greetings! Problem is as soon a the greeting is over...... awkward silence...."


yea, when I worked at zumiez, I had that problem a little. but what helped was copying other conversation starters that my co-workers used. thing is working there my social skills got very very good. but now having not worked there for a while they feel about 50% what they could be. i also noticed if i didn't get hrs for more than a week, i would come back as bad as when i first started working.

I think the people who say these things are kind of dense. Think about it, that's like saying: "I know you're in a wheelchair but do you have to roll around SO MUCH?"

It's basically saying, "I know you're different but can't I just stay as ignorant as I was before?". And apparently we're the ones who want things to be the same.

And, yes people have said such things to me.

What's that saying? "Everything after "but" is BS"

Maddox wrote that when someone says "I am not racist, but" it is usually followed by something incredibly racist or bigoted.

And "not to be mean or anything but (says something mean)"
"No offense but (says something offensive)"
"Not to be rude but (says something rude)"

This is what it reminds me of. I think people abuse these to get away with it. Now it makes it hard for other people who uses these but they genuinely mean they don't want you to take it the wrong way when they are about to say it.

I totally agree. What kills me is that people don't understand that there is a difference between a fact and a judgement. It one thing to say that "Because you are really light skinned, the color of that dress washes you out, a darker color may look better" as opposed to "no offense, but you look like crap". People are way too judgemental.

The former is also more useful.
But I doubt anyone would ever say that because of a few reasons.
Too long.
Not knowledgeable enough about clothing.
Lack of interest in others.

My mom doesn't know about AS. She's always considered me to be "unique", not "unusual." (It seems I'm not the only one this has happened to.)

I forget what I was doing, but it was fairly recently when she told me, "I know you're unique and all, but do you have to be SO unique?"

Sometimes it seems like some NTs think that because they are the "normal" ones, they have the right to avoid frustrations, in opposition to us?
Does that sound familiar to anyone?