Why am I like this with people? Are you?

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23 Apr 2010, 10:31 pm

My friendships go like this: someone expresses (platonic) interest in me, I'm happy to have a new friend. We do small talk for awhile, and everything's fine. Then, all of a sudden I'll start feeling incredibly uneasy about them and I'll stop talking to them altogether. My mom says I do this because I don't like commitment, which is partially true. Another part of it is that I'm really scared of allowing myself to get close to someone, because I don't want them to abandon me when they see the darker sides of me.

Spazzergasm
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24 Apr 2010, 11:24 am

IdahoRose wrote:

Yeah, exactly. IT's like some switch turns on, and suddenly their presence makes you panic!

hartzofspace
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24 Apr 2010, 8:34 pm

I have had this happen a lot. The friendship will start off really nicely, and we will talk on the phone or hang out fairly frequently. Then, I will start to feel smothered. The other person will invariably become puzzled, and start to press for more of my time then I am willing to give. And/or demand to know what it is that they've "done wrong." The relationship usually skids downhill after that...

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Mdyar
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24 Apr 2010, 10:13 pm

hartzofspace wrote:

Same
I'm moody and I change directions, and then the other person becomes puzzled and ........-insert "bombs away emoticon" here-.

katzefrau
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30 Apr 2010, 2:29 am

i'm often too scared of people i like to even talk to them. it's terrible.

in fact, because i'm like this i have mistaken other people's absolute disinterest for a similar thing going on.

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CaptainTrips222
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30 Apr 2010, 2:44 am

If I like the person, and want them to think highly, I sometimes find a reason to excuse myself. I'm secretly paranoid they'll see that I'm kinda weird, and reject me. And what can I say, there's some truth to it.

katzefrau
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30 Apr 2010, 2:57 am

CaptainTrips222 wrote:

uh, yes. exactly that.

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Blindspot149
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30 Apr 2010, 11:34 am

Spazzergasm wrote:

Every time I seem to somehow magically "hit it off" with a person, I retract, and it ends.

Anyone else get this?

This is my usual 'social' pattern with new people.

When I actually do have a genuine interest in someone new, I either just lose that interest (because I set my expectations too high) and/or my 'enthusiasm' evaporates in a flash (sometimes at the same time that I am actually trying to make a connection) :!:

......and then I can regain my balance....

This seems very weird to me :shrug:

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Last edited by Blindspot149 on 02 May 2010, 12:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

Spazzergasm
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01 May 2010, 8:34 am

Me too.

lyricalillusions
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02 May 2010, 7:30 am

The more someone tries to get to know me, the more scared I get, but the more aloof to my presence they seem, the more comfortable I am. If someone seems interested in me somehow, I get even more terrified than usual & shut down.

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CosmicRuss
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02 May 2010, 8:35 am

I was extremely shy from a young age and all my school friendships seemed to only last short periods of time. Never had a 'best' friend and that has continued into my adult life,
I have never had a relationship lasting more than perhaps a week because I always end it over my insecurities.

It doesn`t bother me at all nowadays although I would like to think I can meet someone similar who takes me for who I am, as I will them. :oops:

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Spazzergasm
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02 May 2010, 9:32 am

That must be hard. What happens if you force yourself to stay with them? Maybe you would overcome that rut? Or try and incorporate some internet time with them.

CosmicRuss
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02 May 2010, 9:53 am

Spazzergasm wrote:

That must be hard.

What happens if you force yourself to stay with them? Maybe you would overcome that rut? Or try and incorporate some internet time with them.

Hi Spazzergasm, hence my membership here.

I have only had internet access 3 years and my last relationship was maybe 5 years before that so I haven`t put that to the test yet. Something for me to build on, thanks.

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Spazzergasm
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02 May 2010, 10:00 am

Only 3 years? Golly! Were you living in a cave or something?

CosmicRuss
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02 May 2010, 10:57 am

Spazzergasm wrote:

Only 3 years? Golly! Were you living in a cave or something?

I put off getting it because I thought I would never, ever go outdoors again if I did.
That did happen for a while but I am online for only 10 hours each day just now. :roll:

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Spazzergasm
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02 May 2010, 4:11 pm

CosmicRuss wrote:

Spazzergasm wrote:

Only 3 years? Golly! Were you living in a cave or something?

I put off getting it because I thought I would never, ever go outdoors again if I did.
That did happen for a while but I am online for only 10 hours each day just now. :roll:

XD, wow. I do spent a lot of time on it, too.

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