what exactly separates worldly WPers from the hermits?

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greetings, HandSanitizer please vote anyways, as you are a wrong planet member.

i would not say that i was ever able to pull myself up by my own bootstraps- more like i just stumbled mostly barefoot through life. nothing i ever tried ever worked out as intended - so basically, my whole life has been accidental. "your mileage may vary" is probably the most succinct, encapsulating response possible in the english language. IOW lots of pertinent meaning in those 4 words.

that sounds pretty good. but i think the most notable things are the "couple of NT neurons" you mentioned.
i believe my loneliness was so much in my face that i was forced to embrace it and stop trying to flee from it. i am also pretty stubborn, to a fault. so if only i had a bit of luck and the proverbial couple of NT neurons i might be more of a success- IOW a bit o' luck and a bit o' pluck.

hey, as long as you're happy, whatever works. just as long as nobody else is made unhappy.

a spectrum, indeed. from my perspective, from reading thousands of WP posts, i long ago came to the conclusion that there were posters who DID at least claim to "have it all," albeit with some individual issues. compared to my own situation, these folk seem to me, to be generally high-functioning people who sufficiently cover a lot of the bases in their lives [like success at attracting mates, financial success, professional success, finding a semblance of happiness in their lives], though they [per se] generally described feeling not "up-to-par" on some personal issues [IOW they were disappointed in a lack of adroitness at some specific life task]. figuratively-speaking, not "up-to-par" is still a world better than totally lacking golf genes in the first place.

I am hoping to develop my hobbies and other things enough that it wont matter about my lak of success in the traditional sense.. not easy though, then again not a lot of thngs really worthwhile are easy.

hermit

I am working on this. since finding out about this I am slowly not feeling like an all around failure. I am feeling like I just need to not talk to people. that's it. before I didn't know what was wrong and so my entire life felt screwed up, I am moving into compartmentalizing what is affected by this and what isn't, what I can do well at and what I can't.

So the general tone of the replies is despite the upbeat exterior, it's all still lurking beneath the surface! Sometimes, those who feel themselve to be more succesful are the most forthcoming and upfront, so perhaps the less-succesful tend to be less obvious and fade into the background, despite being the overwhelming majority. So it skews your perception of the situation of a typical person. Like in real life, where the media take the extraordinary and present it as common, and generally regard the ordinary as unworthy of attention.

Why can't we make ALL communities to be like the one you're describing?! It would be good for everybody, not just Aspies. Oh, I forgot. I'm an *idealist* and as I've been told many times by "those in the know", we have to ignore idealism and instead, make the world a harsh cruel place so that we learn how to survive in the harsh cruel place that we've made.


A big "me too", on that one! Despite being in some terrible states, I've never been able to afford 'breaking down', so just keeping going on, often with no fuel in the tank. I've always known that a breakdown, or just sharing with others how bad I've felt inside would do me no good, just drive away the few opportunities and contacts with the outside world that I already have. Maybe this attitude came about from habit due to not having a partner till my 30's. Maybe from being brought up in material poverty, knowing that nobody around me had any surplus to give. Whatever, only having yourself that you can rely on, is a big motivational factor.




Yes, I was mostly like this when younger. Isolation drove me to settling back into the mainstream. Although I had many drop out friends who seemed to have no problems obtaining partners despite zero income. This never worked out for me at all, so I figured I would have to get hideously rich to cancel out my hideous appearance and hideous personality! There's the motivation and drive, right there... The 'rich' bit never worked out, so now I'm tempted to go back to a life of simple poverty. Only I have dependants, commitments etc Avoiding loneliness seems an expensive activity.

My opinion from haveing organised aspie meet ups and met a variety of different aspies is that 'success' in work, friendships and relationships does not depend on severity of AS but more on self conciousness and resiliance. The people who had jobs and partners and friends tended to be people who were not very self aware and seemed less bothered by others reactions to them. Where as the ones with no jobs, who shut themselves off, tended to be very self aware and aware of how others reacted to them(nervous, easily embarrassed, self critical). In short the devide is between the 'cares' and the 'cares not'. It seems to make aspies more resilient to rejection and to keep trying if they dont realise how weird and annoying they are.

I think so far I'd classify myself as a "successful" aspie.

I have lots of friends, am studying and getting top grades at university, and have a great casual job doing what I enjoy (singing) that isn't too stressful. The money I get from youth allowance plus my singing is more than enough for me to support myself comfortably (mainly because I don't tend to spend hardly any money most of the time anyway), and I've never gone without anything I wanted.

I'd say that I am where I am currently because of a combination of environmental influences, really really strong drive and stamina (I'm the sort of person that pushes themself until they pass out), and good fortune.

That is not to say that I don't ever struggle and have problems. I often get so exhausted that I get super depressed, anxious, etc and I can have massive meltdowns from time to time. Pretty much all the time I feel like I'm struggling to keep my head above water, and if I stop swimming as fast as I can for even a second, I'll drown (basically I feel like I consistently living on the edge, because I'm constantly pushed to my outer-most limits to live the life that I chose).

In all honesty, I think that the grass always appears greener on the other side. The biggest sacrifice I've made when I transitioned from "hermit" to "successful" was to have to relinquish my special interests. I don't have the energy to summon the passion within me any more to immerse myself. I often sink into serious depression because of this.

yeah, that's probably me. I'm not sure how weird and annoying I seem to other people, but I know that I'm very resilient. I get down on myself sometimes quite strongly, but I always bounce back.

That has nothing to do with it for me. As I noted in my other post, social stuff is so minor compared to my problems with everyday functioning that in comparison I barely notice it. Not that my social problems are less than others, just that compared to other stuff it's barely noticeable.

I am the sort of person who ignores my body and overdoes things to a degree that can be unintentionally self-destructive. And even at the height of my oblivious steamroller mode I can't hold a job. What happens when I overdo things is that I become unable to understand my surroundings, unable to find my body enough for voluntary movement, my brain becomes so full I can't think, and I get a sensory backlog of unprocessed sensation that involuntarily replays and overwhelms my mind again the moment I become even a little able to think.

That kind and level of processing problem is impossible to push through with willpower. Attempting to do so only intensifies the problem until thinking and therefore effort is impossible.

This is why I really loathe the idea that being autistic is all about social skills, and that failure to perform to a certain standard is all about emotional problems or lack of confidence. It's like when I tried to explain the sensory processing, movement, and cognitive issues that made me unable to eat even within two feet of food. And no matter how I explained, some people here insisted that I either had a death wish, excessive self-pity, or other emotional problems. Because the reality of the way my brain works was so completely foreign to people whose only real problems were social and emotional.

My problems with work, self-care, and everything else, are not because of excessive self-consciousness, anxiety, or social or emotional issues in general. They're because my variant of autism is all about processing information and responding to my environment differently than usual. Is that really so hard to understand?

that is so simple, brilliant, eloquent, and actually devastating, in a sense. they can close the thread now.

I am a 'cares' person, as in cares to a ridiculous extent. I do have curiosity if it was fostered by growing up in a dysfunctional family and being propagandized against by one parent which was supported by the other, in other words I was 'painted black' at a very young age, like 2 or 3 is when I remember the beginnings of the abuse, and I think my aspie gullibility contributed to extreme frustration with this. there is no way of knowing but I do wonder if family environment (i.e. support or lack thereof) is a determing factor in who will isolate and who will be able to 'brush off' or ignore, negative feedback/experiences.

"My problems with work, self-care, and everything else, are not because of excessive self-consciousness, anxiety, or social or emotional issues in general. They're because my variant of autism is all about processing information and responding to my environment differently than usual. Is that really so hard to understand?"

Why is it so hard for people to realize there is more than one sort of autism? ::shakes head::

I've observed that self-consciousness and social/emotional issues are more within the compass of "normality" both for NTs and aspies...even the biggest NT has experienced social anxiety at times...since more people have experienced something like it, they feel they know something about it (although sometimes, they're wrong)...executive function and sensory overload are rarer and harder to understand if you haven't experienced them...and thus are harder to explain to others...

anbuend, I've been meaning to say for a while how much I love your blog and how much I've learned from it. I know you've said words aren't natural to you, but you write so evocatively. I naturally think in words and I aspire to write as well as you do. In a lot of ways our life experience and ways of thinking are very different, so what you say has been eye-opening. At other times, such as when you write about these sorts of issues, although they affect me differently, I feel like I can relate.

Ignorance is bliss, they say.

I'm super self conscious. That's why I'm a super hermit.

I used to say I'm an alpha male trapped in an omega's body (and brain).

I think I did better socially before I heard of autism. I'd learned to put on a persona that made things run smoothly in superficial interaction and seemed to at least attract men (although it repelled women, but I've never discovered a way to get women to generally like me.) After the discovery of autism and subsequent diagnosis I started peeling off all the fake layers and discovered I was in fact still as odd as I was at seven years old, only more unhappy about it. But I think in the long run I'm better off.

As far as success goes I'm fairly successful, depending on your definition. I have children and do well with them, probably because they're a special interest of mine. (OT I think that's the kind of special interest most NT women can understand once they have children) I have had four romantic relationships. My first one was short and sweet, he was the first person I ever knew who was as odd and outside of things as I was. Two and Three were partly successful. In retrospect I see a lot of autistic problems. Couldn't read them, said the wrong things, misinterpreted them and obsessed about them. Especially number three, I think he was actually my special interest which was unhealthy. My current relationship is partially successful. We love each other, but we can't manage living in the same household, largely because of my autistic traits. I seem to be able to form relationship, but I have to work hard to maintain them, while maintaining happiness and sanity.

Socially successful? Superficially yes. But I have only one friend. Can't make friends, can't keep friends, get anxiety from too much interaction.

My main success is and always has been academia. I count my biggest blessing as the fact that I have no learning disabilities, but rather fall in the gifted category. It does nothing for one's popularity, but it's still success.

As fas as a career goes - that remains to be seen. I'll be heading from studies to labour within the next year. I'm hoping for a doctoral post followed by academic position. Otherwise translations are a good option. I worry about it though. Being a student is one thing, but even in academia you have to maneouver colleagues and bosses. I can do it fairly well, but it comes at a high price.

I think I can probably do most things NT's do, just not all of them at once. I have to choose. I've chosen away having friends and socializing now. When I try to be normal I have really bad anxiety. I was never able to connect the dots, to see why my anxiety couldn't be treated, only subdued by medication. I have almost constant anxiety (fist in your throat kind), but it's held back by being on 2 anti-depressants and some selfmedicating. I have daily pangs of anxiety, but I never know where it comes from. It's only now after my diagnosis that I can see it has to do with not knowing what's going on when I'm around people, from always working so hard at every social thing, from fighting with myself to be more normal and functional when I just want to sit around all day and stare out the window and bite my nails.