People and their inconsiderate socializing!! !

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I can't even believe you're serious here.

What possible "gratitude" do I owe these idiots? I don't cost them a penny.

The only people in this world who've ever done a thing for me is my own family.

And frankly....they haven't done much aside from allowing me to live under their roof and keeping me on "life support" so to speak. It's not that big of a sacrifice for them and even they admit that. What....should I just be grateful because some have it even worse? That's like asking the denizens of Dante's first circle of hell to be grateful they're not down at the ninth level with Judas, Brutus and Cassius.

Oh sure....if you want to consider summarily ignoring me for 18 years when I BEGGED and PLEADED with them to believe me when I told them there was something terribly wrong with my brain a thing I should be "grateful" for.....then go right ahead.

Should I be "grateful" for the fact that they weren't the least bit invested in my education or anything else about my growth and development?

Should I be "grateful" for that the fact that they didn't bother to learn ONE THING about NVLD even AFTER I was officially diagnosed and THEY were proven wrong for 23 years and I was proven right?

Should I be "grateful" for the fact that they emotionally (and they freely admit this by the way) and physically (though to be fair...the physical abuse wasn't anything serious) abused me for 18 years and beyond?

Should I be "grateful" for the time they called me "a little a-hole" when I was 8 years old in front of all my peers and their parents? All because I couldn't catch the stupid ball on my little league team?




Should I be "grateful" for the fact that they STILL don't take me seriously when I tell them there's something neurologically amiss with me which far exceeds the usual and infinitely less debilitating manifestations of NVLD? Even after I had myself accurately self-diagnosed at 14 (insofar as NVLD is concerned at least) and they already been proven wrong once before? I guess my own self-observations count for nothing even after they were spot on once before. I guess it's easier just to assume i've exaggerated or imagined my problems (especially with memory). That's really a smart assumption to make when you LITERALLY wouldn't even know the difference between NVLD and Dyslexia


Does this sound like your idea of good parenting? Is throwing a bit of money towards their kids the ONLY thing we should expect from parents after they were the ones who forced them into this world?

Look...if you're expecting me to pull out the world's smallest violin for a few comparatively rich people (namely my family...who is certainly within the upper middle class) who've thrown a tiny bit of money at me and allowed me to live under their roof... it's not gonna happen.

It's really not that big of a sacrifice for them. I've been dirt poor for my entire life and i've helped out FRIENDS and STRANGERS when I could barely afford to feed myself. Even then...I didn't feel it was that big of a deal to throw a few dollars at someone. So i'm certainly not trying to make myself out as a saint here. It was the easiest thing in the world to allow a destitute friend to live in my apartment when I actually had one. At the time....even though I wasn't 100% financially independent of my family, my own money which I WORKED for was entirely supporting this person, my ex-girlfriend and largely myself.

There are things in life which require far greater sacrifices than just opening your wallet once in awhile. And those are the very sacrifices NOBODY, even the people who brought me into this world, have made for me.

So please don't tell me about what I should be grateful for. As for the world beyond my family, THEY ought to be grateful I didn't become another Cho Seung Hui and believe me, I was sorely tempted from K-12 and beyond. And i'm willing to bet he didn't put up with half the crap that I did.


You know nothing about me aside from anything i've been willing and able to share in this group. Hell....I don't even know that much about *me* (meaning my brain and all it's mysterious impairments even the psychologists are clueless about) and that's the main reason I started posting here in the first place. I tried to get some answers...but none were forthcoming though I certainly don't begrudge anyone for not being able to provide me with any. It's really no fun having to play one's own neuropsychologist when one is hardly qualified for the job, formally or otherwise. So until you at least spend a year walking in my shoes, kindly spare me of your presumptuous lectures about "gratitude".

I'm sorry to be so abrasive here sinsboldly and overall you seem like a swell person and all. But it really gets my goat when people start to judge me or anyone else when they can't POSSIBLY know a thing about the cross I/they have borne.

My only crime is that I was born with a brain impairment no one quite understands. I'm all-but certain NVLD is only the tip of the iceberg and not even close to the most perilous one at that.

So you live through what i've lived through and then come and tell me what I should be grateful for and who I should be grateful to.

Whatever this makes me in your eyes...so be it. You're darn right i'm angry and bitter too. In all good conscience, I feel I have every right to be and I won't be apologizing for it anytime soon.

And therein lies one of the biggest problems with this world...the rest of you aren't angry ENOUGH.

no offense to you, either Horus, you seem like a nice enough young man. I am sorry you are so frustrated with your life right now. I won't get into what I have been though (but at about 14000 posts, it is spread out all over WP ) and what I still have to endure, also having that same brain 'impairment' as you do, as I am an Aspie, too.

But gratitude doesn't kill anyone, really and the only thing we can really change in this world is ourselves. Becoming grateful for just breathing, or being able to see, or walk or even type on the internets is a gift you give yourself. Then you feel better because your attitude has changed. Feeling better is a good thing, and I wish it for you.

your mileage may vary, of course.

Merle

Well....no comment about how "nice" I am or not. I'm just a very confused and desperate person who has become very tired of living with something I don't understand.
You and I may share some things in common neurologically speaking. But i'm as confident as I can be that the differences matter infinitely more than the similarities. My socioemotional, motor and executive functioning issues are very similar to those with
NVLD/AS, but i'd say that's where the similarities pretty much end.

I'll grant you some good points about gratitude here. But....feeling much of anything pleasant right now seems all-but impossible for me. I don't even eat half the days out of the week. Sometimes I don't even get out of bed until 2:00 or 3:00pm and i'm hardly asleep until that time. I could be offered a round-trip all-expenses paid vacation to French Polyneisa (one of countless places in the world i've always wanted to visit) right now and I swear I wouldn't go. NOTHING gives me the slightest bit of pleasure and all I feel and think is an agony I can't possibly put into words.

In other words....i'm damn-near profoundly depressed and I have been for about a year now. It's not that the circumstances of my life were so much different when I wasn't FEELING depressed, they just didn't bother me as much as they do currently. In part, because I was denying them at the time. But when that old "Depressive Realism" kicks in....I really get to see my life in all it's horrid and hellish clarity.

I take meds.....but nothing ever seems to do any good. Might as well be eating a few asprin a day. I'd like to get a Cytochrome p450 test in order give me some idea of what anti-depressants might work me. But again...my insurance isn't going to cover this and I doubt the psychiatric treatment I receive via the county right now will either. My family is of no help at all. It's just the same-old ridiculously tiresome "bootstraps" rhetoric i've heard for 40 years now. Depression, like all mental illness and neurological disorders is simply not real to them. In the sense that they still believe EVERYONE can "get over" EVERYTHING by dint of their own efforts alone. I'm afraid that's not quite the way it works for millions of schizophrenics, severely depressed people, people on the spectrum, those with learning disabilites, memory disorders, etc....

There are still many things i'd like to do, see, experience, learn, etc.... in my life. Many things i've never done and I really haven't done much at all. But I can't even get started and wouldn't know where to begin until this bone-crushing depression becomes manageable at least. I can't even imagine holding a job at Piggly-Wiggly bagging groceries right now let alone going to back to college to get my degree in psychology (something I started 14 years ago...but never finished). The learning/memory problems are what they are and whether they will ultimately prevent me from getting my degree, etc....or not is something I have no way of knowing for certain. But the depression won't even allow me to try. I'm surprised i'm not downright paralysed with catatonia considering how I feel in mind, heart and soul. Oh well.....the endless struggle continues and obviously will continue until they chunk my worn-out carcass into the black earth.

Well....take care for now....no hard feelings on my part. I'm just the epitome of a basket case and I wish to god they would've thrown me away while I was still in the womb.

the point is that the lollygaggers are WASTING other folk's time. it doesn't matter if the victim [of the wasters of other folks' time] is unemployed or not, everybody's time is equally valuable to them. a considerate person would either get on the elevator with their buddies or exit the elevator to be with their buddies, thereby avoiding stopping the elevator and wasting the time of others who for whatever reason need the elevator NOW. it is all merely part of the golden rule- i won't waste your time, so you shouldn't waste mine.

that doesn't mean that we should all jump up and down and say, "what a wonderful thing!" celebrating such is akin to rubbing salt in the wounds of the poor.

well, far be it from me to rub salt into my own wounds. I didn't know speaking the truth is akin to being joyful about that truth. I am just saying it is easier to put on a pair of slippers than try to carpet the whole world.


Merle

no insult intended for you or your wisdom, but those are some mightily expensive slippers. i also could go about saying things such as "he who has all the gold makes all the rules" but that would not be a proud accomplishment nor would it respect the true golden rule. parroting right-wing capitalist slogans doesn't make any but the lucky ones at the top feel better about life and living. i find such to be depressing. i don't like being reminded of my low status. sometimes tact is necessary when "speaking the truth." a kind person [AS or no] would at least try to be more sensitive to such concerns.
___________________________________________________________________
"you say 'trickle-down' and i say why not percolate up?" [sen. tom harkin, IA]

You happen to be right. There is a way of handling this without too much unpleasantness: you politely tell the other person you don't follow baseball and you really have no interest in the game. That will cut off any further interruption. If you tell them politely, it should cause little or no hostility.

ruveyn

I know i'm right


At any rate....I think you have misunderstood me here a bit. I wasn't talking about people who try to have conversations about baseball (or any other "small talk" topic) with ME.

I was talking about two or more people having these sort of conversations with one another while holding up others who aren't involved in the conversation and have no desire to be.

Insofar as strangers who try to engage ME in conversation about baseball or some other "small talkie" nonsense are concerned, that's yet another thing I could kvetch about......lol.

I've always loved it when some American males just assume other Ameican males are as fanatical about sports as they are.

50% of the time I don't even know what teams are playing in the superbowl, the world series, etc....100% of the time I don't care.


While I hold no brief for the late Anton Lavey and his "satanism", i'm always willing to give credit where some is due. That said...his eleventh "Satanic rule of the earth" is somewhat appealing to me.


11. "When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him".


Ok....ummm...well maybe we shouldn't "destroy" anybody just for talking to us about baseball or something. Still, it would be nice if nobody bothered anyone else simply to engage them in small talk while "walking in open territory".

Some of us just don't view this sort of thing as mere friendliness. Some of us view it as a needless interuption of our thoughts and an intrusion into our microcosm. If you go to a bar, a party, etc...then yes...you should expect this sort of thing. There is a time and a place for this nonsense and neither the check-out line or the Dr's office (among countless other times/places) qualifies IMO.

Idk....maybe i'll grow some b***s and run a little experiment next time some stranger attempts to engage me in small talk at the check-out counter or wherever.

Maybe i'll just say, "I'm sorry, but with all due respect, I really don't feel like conversing at the moment".

It would be a perfectly honest statement. Not that i'd care if people thought I was crazy for saying something like this, but I wonder how most would react? Obviously i'd probably get a reasonably polite reaction from most people, but i'll bet that wouldn't be the case with everyone.


Which brings me to yet another gripe (you'll have to forgive me....i'm both a misanthrope AND a jew....lol ) I have with humans...especially of the NT variety.

NT's are supposed to be the ones who are so fabulous at understanding nonverbal communication. We NVLD-ers/Aspies are disproportionately weak in that respect according to *conventional wisdom* (though i'm personally not...it's just that I have trouble EXPRESSING MYSELF nonverbally). So why is it that i'm a person who gives absolutely no nonverbal indication that I want to talk to anyone and yet countless NT strangers talk to me anyway???

In fact....I intentionally go out of my way to look unfriendly. Often enough...I try to look downright hostile or even psychotic. I never smile at anyone....even if they smile at me. I never make eye contact and I avoid even looking at most people's faces whenever possible.
I often have a very angry/hostile look on my face as well. Nonetheless...it's like NT's are oblivious to all this because millions of them try to engage me in small talk wherever I go.

If they're so great at reading facial expressions, "body language" and nonverbal communication in general, why can't they see I want absolutely nothing to do with them??? DO they see this and just decide to engage in me in conversation out of spite or something? Is this perhaps the subtle way adults bully others who seem like easy targets because they project a less-than confident aura?

lol... I don't think it's really their intention. I truly believe some of them do it to make themselves appear friendly and polite.

Boyfriend explained it to me somewhat like this... I asked him why people ask EVERYONE how they are doing, when they cannot possibly care because they don't know these people.

He said it makes you appear open and friendly to others... so while the intent is actually to BE friendly and open, the underlying message it sends to others is that you are, so others like you. So... when they see you, they will still do it regardless. Though not intentionally self-serving, I don't think fully... it still winds up serving that purpose, and those that DO want to engage in small talk will pick up on this.

As far as the other stuff goes... I still stick to my original thought: I don't care if people want to chit chat... go for it, by all means, all day long if you want! Just don't do it in front of the doorway!! !

When you are in public you must put up with having other people's conversations wash over you. My advice is to get away and be by yourself as soon as feasible.

ruveyn

Of course. I don't mind other people's conversations "washing over me"

I DO mind it when their conversations, at least their non-essential ones, are preventing me from accessing the elevator.

Maybe due to impairment in this realm what you think you are conveying is not what you are conveying. How do you know you are conveying anger and hostility rather than looking lost or lonely?

Well...I can't be certain though I am lonely and lost too.

But I certainly don't consciously attempt to convey these things.....people might be inclined to bother me then of course.

I DO try to consciously convey anger and hostility....I am angry and hostile, but I don't try to convey it to others because I have any desire to express said anger/hostility.

I try to convey it because people generally steer clear of those they perceive to be anger and hostile.

Whatever the case....it seems to work fairly well usually....most people DO leave me alone. It's just not a perfect NT stranger repellent

I don't do this because I personally dislike anyone. I GENERALLY dislike the human species, but there's alot of fantastic folks in the world, including many NT's.

I just prefer to be left alone 99.9% of the time....regardless if whether the person intent on not leaving me alone is fantastic or not.

AuntBlabby,

I would also feel horribly patronized if some right-wing capitalist was parroting the suggestion that "he who pays the piper gets to call the tune". I would be out smashing the state and chanting 'death to the fascist insect the preys upon the lives of the people' again!

I am sure it doesn't take me to 'remind you of your low status'. I am not exempt from feeling financially inadequate and suffering from a lack of funds and resources. I am not cheered or encouraged when I remind myself that the people that don't feel that way could not understand what it is to be actually systemically hungry and chronically homeless.

There are no 'gentle' ways to state the utter inequality that money or the lack of it makes. It is not a gentle subject. It is a subject to be shouted from the rooftops and forced down the throat of every parroting self satisfied 'I got mine, jack," the "my happiness is the only thing that matters, and to hell with everybody (lazy, unworthy, self indulgent welfare queens) else" ...right wing fascist . . .(mumble. . . grumble. . .

well, anyway, no offense meant to you, AuntBlabby, or anyone else for that matter, and I apologize if you thought I was being anything but empathetic to our common concerns.

Merle

And I really wouldn't put it past the lollygaggers to be subtly ticking Horus off, either. When someone has a huge button on their back that says "in no way should anyone push this button lest I 'go off' all over you" lots of nice people might just enjoy tickling their fingers across said button.