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KJC
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13 May 2010, 3:45 am

I value some praise, but it crosses my mind most times, that they see the task in it self something that doesn't require so much effort. I find it demeaning when people compliment me just because they expect worse from me. Its like that Seinfeld episode where Kramer is mistaken for mentally handicapped.



zen_mistress
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13 May 2010, 3:56 am

I love gettting compliments. I love giving them too but people can sometimes think i am being insincere, or lying, or I want something. I just give compliments for the pure pleasure of it but I guess perhaps a number of people do not, so compliments can make people suspicious.


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Todesking
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13 May 2010, 12:14 pm

I always think they are lying to me or are trying to be nice to me because they think I am mentally slow or something. I never say thank you when people pay me a compliment. I like to say I know I am good and do not need your lies but I just keep my mouth shut and go back to work.



LipstickKiller
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13 May 2010, 1:28 pm

When I was little I believed every single nice thing anyone ever told me. Come to think of it, I did all through my teens to. Gullible, like: Why would they lie? My mother told me I was too easily flattered and I shouldn't believe the nice things people said about me, except maybe teachers.

Boyfriends would be really angry with me because I insisted their friends weren't hitting on me, but just giving me nice compliments because they were nice people who liked me. :roll:

Yeah, I roll my eyes at myself. I went to not believing compliments at all but figuring most compliments if not all came with an ulterior motives. The only compliment I'd believe was a good grade on an exam. It's only recently that I've begun to question this dogmatic approach. My husband and my psychologist both told me that if I evaluate compliments logically as an afterthought, I can probably figure out if there was an ulterior motive. It all comes down to my utter inability to determine when people lie. I'd consider this one of the main drawbacks of my autism, it makes me very vulnerable.



hartzofspace
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13 May 2010, 3:18 pm

LipstickKiller wrote:
It all comes down to my utter inability to determine when people lie. I'd consider this one of the main drawbacks of my autism, it makes me very vulnerable.


Same here! :oops: :?


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Xinro
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13 May 2010, 3:45 pm

I get suspicious if someone lays them on too thick. I like to be praised occasionally if I think I did really good work. If someone compliments me too much, I wonder what their problem is and dislike them more.



Janissy
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13 May 2010, 4:38 pm

StuartN wrote:
An acquaintance told me my (baby) daughter was beautiful. I thanked him and said I was very pleased to hear it. He got really angry and said it was a fact, not something to be pleased by.
.


He got angry??! !!???! ! That's somebody with hair-trigger anger. Yikes! Your baby daughter is beautiful. That is a fact. However, there is nothing wrong with being pleased by a fact. Are we only supposed to thank people for things that aren't true? Yeesh.



Janissy
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13 May 2010, 4:42 pm

StuartN wrote:
An acquaintance told me my (baby) daughter was beautiful. I thanked him and said I was very pleased to hear it. He got really angry and said it was a fact, not something to be pleased by.
.


He got angry??! !!???! ! That's somebody with hair-trigger anger. Yikes! Your baby daughter is beautiful. That is a fact. However, there is nothing wrong with being pleased by a fact. Are we only supposed to be pleased when people say nice things that aren't true? Yeesh.



Ichinin
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13 May 2010, 5:21 pm

serenity wrote:
I've heard some people on the spectrum say that praise, and compliments don't influence them at all, and they couldn't care less about what others think. How is it for you? Does it feel good, bad, or indifferent for you?



Indifferent, i do not "feel better".

However, it is good to know if someone appreciate the work you do since that kind of feedback comes very rarely. If you do something wrong, people will usually tell you very quickly.


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mechanicalgirl39
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14 May 2010, 7:38 am

StuartN wrote:
An acquaintance told me my (baby) daughter was beautiful. I thanked him and said I was very pleased to hear it. He got really angry and said it was a fact, not something to be pleased by.

This is an extreme, but I often find that compliments contain some hidden motive, subterfuge or dishonesty that I just don't understand. I like it when people recognize that my work is good and state what they see - like perhaps they would talk about it if I was not there. I like criticism the same way - just straight, honest appraisal.

Compliments tend to be personalized and specific to the relationship between the complimenter and complimented. Often they seem to be about power, like boss to worker, or about group belonging.


Jesus!

He was being very unreasonable. Nothing wrong with being pleased by a fact. It's a fact that I have 20/20 vision...I'm not allowed to be pleased by that fact?

People like that are part of the reason I have rage problems...


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