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flowerncsu
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26 Jul 2010, 9:15 pm

I don't remember ever being told that I didn't make eye contact well, although I do remember when I was little, having to look at people's foreheads to "fake" eye contact, so maybe I did have that issue when I was too young to still remember, and figured out a coping mechanism early.

On the other end of the spectrum, I very often got fussed at by my peers for staring, when I didn't think I was. Which led to a long time during which I didn't much like to look at people, for fear of being accused of staring. Either I've found a better balance now, or adults are too polite to comment on it, because I haven't had anyone complain about either lack of eye contact or staring in years.

Once I started dating seriously, I mechanically taught myself to make eye contact in a romantic, "puppy dog eyes" kind of way... and then found that I like that. Maybe I always liked looking at people, and that's why I got staring complaints. Maybe that's also how I figured out the forehead trick so early; if I liked looking at people, but not at eyes.



dyingofpoetry
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26 Jul 2010, 9:37 pm

buryuntime wrote:
One post says that in other cultures eye contact is frowned upon. So, is eye contact something that just comes "naturally" with being human, or is it something that is "naturally" picked up since it is expected of you in society?


No. It is naturally "unpicked-up." Eye contact is natural to humans as a form of non-verbal communication. Children will try to make eye-contact as soon as they are able to focus. However, in some cultures, most of the Far East, for example, children learn from parents and others that it is impolite, like children also learn that it is impolite to pick their noses. They are told to look down when communicatiing in a formal setting and eye-contact is reserved for after the formal barrier is broken and a friendship is etablished.


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Celoneth
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26 Jul 2010, 10:14 pm

I get the death stare when I'm really angry.
Otherwise eyes creep me out, I try to look every now and then but it's unpleasant and I don't ever know how long to look or when to look. Before I knew about AS, all I knew about eye contact was you were supposed to do it during interviews and when teachers were mad at you, so I assumed it was some sort of societal ritual, like wearing a suit, that you're supposed to do on formal or serious occasions, but apparently people do it all the time.. which just confirms that people are very strange.
I like to draw eyes though.



Mitsouko
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27 Jul 2010, 7:57 am

Nobody knew anything about Asperger's when I was growing up.
I thought adults were inconsistent and would bully me for no reason. First I would be told off for not looking them in the eye, then all of a sudden they would yell at me for looking murderous when I wasn't. "So do you want me to look at you or don't you?! Simply pick one of the above, duh!" Then they would say I was rude. Go figure!
My violin teacher would often say "Stop looking through me." I thought everybody was mean and I was OK.
I started to practice to look in a different way and nobody complained later, so I guess I have mastered it.
I have practiced everything- voice control, speech tone, inflection and speed because everything about me irritated my teachers and my maternal grandparents.



dancinonwater
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23 Jun 2011, 1:29 pm

I don't have much trouble with this either. It can be a little tough to maintain eye contact for a long time, but its not like most people with Autism or Asperger's.



Jory
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23 Jun 2011, 1:49 pm

The fact that I never make eye contact is one of the reasons I’m surprised that I wasn’t dragged into a psychologist’s office much sooner. I can force eye contact, but I don’t like doing it because I feel like I’m acting and not being myself. There are tricks I can use, though, like taking off my glasses when talking to someone (which turns them into a blur) and looking at their forehead instead of their eyes.



Ames76
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23 Jun 2011, 5:20 pm

I can look people in the eyes until they ask me a question, and then I look away.



CyclopsSummers
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23 Jun 2011, 6:16 pm

Even as late as 8 months ago, this was a problem for me. It says so in some of my posts. But now, I realize, this no longer bugs me. It's simply gone. I hadn't realized up till now this very moment.


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