autism and obsession with "showing"

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i was like this as a child and also still am to an extent, although much more reserved about who with (family, people who are likely to be interested). but if i'm still talking and subject gets changed i am holding my breath until i can say "but as i was saying" blah blah until i am absolutely finished. i have to backtrack and continue where my conversation was derailed by someone else's input.

i was quite extroverted as a child. when i was six or seven my brother had a friend over and i bored her showing her everything i had made and done and explained that i sometimes had to show new people everything. what i failed to do (and still fail to do) is seek to discuss things that happen to me with other people. i am just now explaining to my mother about things that confused me terribly as a child.

i think the red flag as with a lot of social interaction is the lack of reciprocation. as mentioned in previous posts, as in not considering what another person's interests are (unless they also interest you).

i once was talking to a guy (date) and he stopped me finally and said "i'm not even listening to what you're saying. i'm just thinking about how good you look." i was shocked but appreciated his honesty. if i find someone is truly disinterested (unless it's a close relative - that's part of their job, right??) i will shut up pretty quickly. also if more than one person is listening and i suddenly find myself "in the spotlight"



i don't lack a desire to connect with others, i'm just aware usually that it isn't happening. i will get lonely and then spending time with someone else won't help at all.



unless it's just not written clearly, i think the dsm crit would have us as invalids / robots. there was a post recently asking if anyone had such strange special interests as the textbook example of the kid obsessed with deep fat fryers. result was most interests were quite normal, just explored with unusual intensity or specificity.

Based on the people with Asperger's I've met throughout my life, I would say that the criterion implying total aloofness is not a practically feasible one. Many of the people with AS I've met are very willing to talk at great length about their interests.

As for the normalcy of interests, it seems to me that the more someone matures and interacts with the rest of the society, the more "normal" their interests become. It really depends on what you consider to be "normal", though. I am guessing that any fixation on a specific object would not be considered to be "normal" by the society. And many, many people with AS have such preoccupations with certain objects, fixating on the object itself rather than the meaning of the object. The nature of such preoccupation, in itself, is odd. But remember that "odd", "normal", and "weird" are all relative terms.

I love sharing my interests with other people, because if they enjoy it too, then we can have reciprocal conversations about it instead of me just rambling on.

I have learned not to try and include people in things I am interested in; it never works. All that ends up happening (at best) is that they look on indulgently while I woffle on about whatever. I used to try and get my family - back when things were slightly less egregious - to listen to Morrissey, so that hopefully they could share my enthusiasm. They didn't, and I would get really frustrated because they would TALK OVER MORRISSEY'S SINGING.

HOW CAN YOU LISTEN TO THE BEAUTIFUL LYRICS IF YOU TALK OVER HIM?



Oh, wait - you don't want to listen to the beautiful lyrics, and from what you've heard you think that they are depressing and annoying rather than beautiful. Never mind, then.

something to remember is that autism is a development delay disorder, therefore the things in the diagnostic criteria apply more aptly to children during the developmental stages than to adults who have learned to adapt. thats one reason why its harder to diagnose adults than children.

there is a specific developmental time in a childs life where they should be learning to point out objects of interest. autistic children often do not do this at the typical age when non-autistic children it.

so the real question should not be whether you do it now, but did you do it at the appropriate age when an infant. if not, then you should fit the criteria, even if you do it now as an adult.

That's a good point. I really can't remember if I used to point out objects of interest, but I do know I used to share my interest in insects.

Ooooooh, i'm glad you posted this topic! I also often get sort of fixed on trying to get other people to enjoy the things i enjoy, and i've wondered about that in relation to that criteria(i match the other three, so i don't need that criteria anyway.. but i still think about it). It doesn't have to be related to a special interest, either. For example.. Often i'll see a movie that i think is funny, so then i'll try to get my parents to watch it with me. Even though i've already seen it, i want to watch it with them to see their reactions to it. If they show no interest, i feel sort of disappointed.

It isn't just other people aren't interested it is also I don't get more from my interests when they are shared. I think it is false that anyone can share another's experience. We just imagine we aren't alone. We have flickers that someone is actually walking with us. But in reality we walk alone. Noone can enter our brain and know how it thinks.

I also don't care to show anyone what I've done or what I make. I don't do anything that I wonder if it is done perfect or it is junk. If it is perfect, I know it and when it is junk, I know it. I have no desire to do 'show and tell' with anything. It drives me crazy when someone is doing it to me...asking me to look at it and tell them what I think. Why do they care or why does it matter what I think? What do they think?

I don't get it




But, now I am even more confused. I think people are right that this does not pertain to everyone on the spectrum. I used to know this little aspie. He was almost non-verbal except for some secret language he spoke. He loved it when I sat with him, alone with him, and line up his cars or stack things, follow him around and do what he liked. He was noticeably happier and content. If I didn't pay that special attention I would catch a very sad look in his eyes across the room...awww sweetheart

I think intellectually I realize that I'm alone and there's nothing I can do about it, but I still crave the illusion. I still want to think that one day I might meet someone who can reach inside my brain and see the real "me". It's one of those obsessive thoughts for me.

I've always been fascinated by the sky and clouds. When I see a beautiful sky yet everyone around me is seemingly too busy with other things to care I feel like I just want to curl up and die. It's like the beauty I see is invalidated because nobody else cares. I even resent people and see them as nothing but monkeys who I'll never relate to.