"You're not autistic!"

Post Reply New Topic

When I worked at a machine shop we watched some talk show that was discussing autism. When they described the traits and what to look for I said I bet I have some minor form of autism. My coworkers laughed and said your just really shy your not even close to autistic. To prove their point of them walked up and pinched my arm so I punched him trying to give him a charlie horse. They then said an autistic guy would scream but not defend themselves. I was diagnosed with Aspergers a year later. Go figure.

Being NT does not make a person stupid and irrational.
Having greater social ability =/= evil, for crying out loud.
There are stupid, irrational NTs.
There are stupid, irrational autistics.
It has nothing to do with what diagnosis or lack thereof a person has.

To answer the OP: I've never been told outright that I'm not autistic. I've had people say "you seem normal to me" (and then act hurt and surprised when I'm incapable of relating to them in the way I think they should- I did warn them ), but they didn't really know anything about ASDs. When I've told people who were familiar with autism, they'd usually already figured it out.

The problem is, people instantly think if you are autistic then it means you are ret*d.

All the time, when it is from someone "off the street" I reply, "What university did you get your MD from?" Even some phycatrists doubt my autism diagnosis or claim I have outgrown it and it needs to be changed. Some people also need their licences revoked or an ass whipping or both. When phycatrists doubt my diagnosis I tell them goodbye. If it is some bully on the internet I usualy just ignore them unless they say something really nasty and even nasty comments are beginning to roll off of me like water. I guess what dosen't kill you really does make you stronger.

I was accused of being self-diagnosed on the Internet once, but no one in real-life has ever accused me of faking, probably due to my trustworthy reputation and strict knowledge control.

I've only heard this once. Usually I get more of "You seem so normal!" or "I never would have guessed!" I think people are surprised mostly because I'm a girl, and because I have superficially decent social skills. One person did tell me outright that he didn't think I had Asperger's. This really pissed me off because he was basically saying that he knows more about Asperger's than the specialist who diagnosed me does, and more about me than I do.

I've been told quite a few times (by both professionals and average joes) that I am quite high functioning and that most of them would never have suspected that I have an Autistic Disorder (AS) if I hadn't brought it up. However, in the last few years I have almost mastered the art of 'pretending to be normal,' and I rarely bring up the fact that I have AS to most people unless I feel it is relevant.

To people who are around me constantly (roomies & friends), my symptoms are far more obvious, but most people in my day to day interactions seem to think that I am just a sophisticated and detail oriented person.

There is another issue here, relating to the disbelief others can feel to us HFA's and that is the shadow or persona.

Many people with HFA especially those who have been traumatised into concealing their true autistic identity and personality, develop a persona to such a refined degree that they can become so plausible in their role (adapted/counter-self) that they can appear completely the opposite of the autistic stereotype.

There is enormous sadness for many people in the spectrum who have had to survive by involuntary pushing into the shadowlands of their unconscious their true-self.

Such a person with HFA can becomes so
accustomed to disguising themselves to others that in the end they become disguised to themselves........that is until extreme mental distress leads the troubled soul to seek new ways of understanding.

This is my life story

So when people say to me "hey, you really do not look autistic" I just say, you know............it's a very long long story. And if your really interested in finding out how I survived you can read my book.

Maybe people need to be informed that there are many "Autisms".
With different causes...manifestations etc.

Perhaps the phrase "I'm autistic" is too vague for people to understand.

If people knew about the specific issues affecting individual people, perhaps they'd be more understanding.

The issues are different for different people.

This is why I'd feel very uncomfortable about carrying around a card that says:
"This person has difficulty forming meaningful relationships."

It wouldn't be true for me. I have formed very deep meaningful relationships and people have called me a good friend. They have been grateful for my practical support. They've said that I'm a fantastic listener. I do try to reciprocate.

This doesn't change the fact that I struggle to initiate casual conversations with strangers or get overloaded in crowded/media bombarded places. It doesn't change the fact that my mind zooms in on the details of objects. I still cannot small talk easily. I lecture, joke and analyse far better than I small talk.

Not everyone is affected in the same way or even has the same underlying biological condition.

Maybe there are in fact several different "Aspergers" with different causes.
This is the impression I've been getting from the reading that I've been doing.

I'm frustrated by the vagueness of it all.

People should be getting the practical support that they as individuals need.

I think what happens is when you know something for a fact and someone tries to tell you otherwise, that really annoys you? Like one time I saw the community mental health team and saw a psychiatrist who admitted he knew nothing about autism and then was able to say that he did not think I was autistic [yet I was diagnosed thirteen years ago with HFA]. Also there is the stigma, it took me years to get over the fact that I am autistic, to be able to open out, to talk about it, even to join a community like this!

I'm waiting for a diagnosis but my mother initially refused to believe that I might have a form of autism. Now she is thinking that I might have Aspergers but very mild because she can't see any proof otherwise. She is a nurse and there were plenty of signs from teachers, my social life, behavior and how I express myself to indicate it. Teachers constantly talked about how I seem to think differently, found it hard to interact with people and achieved results below their expectations of me. I had next to no friends, usually just one at a time and I often relied on finding other girls (all girl school) who also found it hard to make friends or who had split from their own group. I get affected by things differently - I hardly reacted to moving to a different country but people who talk to me when I don't want to communicate can make me upset. I also don't show things the same way - one time in maths class a teacher interrupted my thoughts because it looked like I didn't understand something - I actually was thinking about the concept more deeply because I understood it and found it fascinating.

I've always thought I had a form too mild to diagnose because I didn't understand much about it back then but now that my counselor is saying "Aspergers", I've been forced to look at autism more closely and I actually match Aspergers or High Functioning Autism quite well. I talked to one of my friends with Aspergers who has a savant skill in diagnosing psychological disorders in people and he is convinced it is High Functioning Autism. I hope it is High Functioning or if it is both that I have High Functioning first because most of my friends with Aspergers express themselves differently and tend to be more vocal.

But back to the topic. My cousin-in-law agrees that I have some traits, most of my closer friends agree that I have some form of Autism. One of my friends has a lot of friends with Aspergers and thinks that I don't have it because I don't act like them. I spent a lot of time working on NT skills so I can pass off as NT to most people (before I knew it was what I was doing) and I'm very good at it most of the time so I guess that explains why he won't believe me. My recent ex didn't believe me but he's stupid that way. I will find it hard to explain to my current employer when I am diagnosed but I may not be with them for long after the diagnosis so it wouldn't matter. I'm lucky that the Disability Liaison Unit at the uni are willing to accept that it's likely providing they have a letter of suspicion by my counselor but with the recent problems at uni (too long, difficult and off topic - may start a new topic to vent about it) it may be too little too late to fix things.

I've had this response with most people I've told.

I've stopped telling people for now.

I don't know why it happens, but yeah.