Suffering: I really don't understand

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I don't suffer from Asperger's, I suffer from other people.

ohmigod I love this

You only suffer from it if you resist it.

I get exhausted by spending too much time in close proximity with people, and I live in a constant state of anxiety and hypervigilance when I am out in public. The end result of all this is depression. So, yes, I do suffer from Aspergers syndrome, and I suspect others do as well.

care to elaborate?

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Don't know what you mean by this.
Years ago, I thrived when I resisted the idea of Aspergers.
I also didn't actually know what I was resisting because no one could give me a scientific explaination of what it was.

If anything, I haven't suffered from Aspergers, I have suffered from being too passionate about what I'm interested in.

I have suffered from studying too hard to the exclusion of everything else.

I have suffered for people calling me too intense about subjects that I was studying.
I thought that was the whole point of studying, to be passionate about what I was doing?
Obviously not.
The point now seems to be to socially chat about ideas in cliquish groups rather than get down to the "nitty gritty" of studying real objects.

This is why I don't study any more.
Why bother when other people are obviously bored or stressed?
Why stress them out any further by caring?

It seems that wherever I go, I'm an unwelcome guest.

People would much rather be casual about subjects than passionate.
I don't honestly blame them. It's too isolating and stressful to take the time to study things properly from all angles. Passion hurts.

Determination hurts.
That's why I hear: "I can't be bothered." a lot.

Ah, I see what you're saying. No, resisting being Autistic is basically resisting the reality of who you are; this destroyed my mother.

You have the chance to prevent it from destroying you, but you have to make that choice on your own.

Where is Albert the Fifth Musketeer when you need him?

It seems that there's no room for the "Fifth Musketeer" any more.

If it is the case that I do "suffer" from Aspergers, I seem to suffer from it a lot more when I'm expected to collaborate in a cliquey, chatty group of people that I don't know.

The depression is coming from a social/cultural clash, a mismatch between the introverted culture of my family and the culture of the outside world.

I have noticed that I don't seem to suffer from Aspergers when I'm at home in my room. I also am much more outgoing, polite and relaxed at family gatherings. I can understand and predict my family even if they do sometimes drive me up the wall. They seem to automatically understand that I sometimes need space to recharge. There's no problem. If I say that I'm going for a walk on my own during an outing or a gathering, there's no problem. In fact it's useful if I go on ahead and look out for facilities etc.

I feel much safer and more myself in the family group. I also know that I won't be judged.
It's weird, but the family does seem to act as a buffer against all of the sensory overstimulation/anxiety. I know that they'll never leave me behind. I have been left behind my people that I don't know before because I've had difficulty keeping up with the pace.

I've also noticed that I didn't suffer from Aspergers when I was discussing ideas in the lab with my Physics and Chemistry teachers. I didn't suffer at Technology club either. They said that I was polite and always on task. I did not suffer when I did experimental projects on my own: I got good marks.

Maybe social environments like these are mini-cultures (microcultures?) where I do not suffer from Aspergers. I tend to speak a similar "language" and have similar interests to other people in these environments.

It's interesting, but given the same physical environment, I can suffer or not depending on the social/cultural expectations; crowding and sensory stimulation.

I wish that I could test for these variables quantitatively.
What are the thresholds?

It's interesting, perhaps if there was a certain cultural change, I (and maybe other people) wouldn't "suffer" so much?

Maybe there are environmental factors that bring out "symptoms". Maybe in a different environment, some of these "symptoms" could be adaptive or even "assets"?


I also didn't suffer when a relative showed me how things worked.

Last edited by AmberEyes on 23 Oct 2010, 5:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

I've always hated the whole "sufferer" thing in relation to Asperger's. No one suffers from Asperger's.

I believe that human beings suffer from each other to a certain extent.
Go to an overcrowded shopping complex at Christmas time to see this.
Any Supermarket on a Saturday too. Hear the kiddies screaming with the torturous sensory overload.

If people didn't suffer from each other and their relationships weren't a strain, the marketers in the advertising industry could not make money. If everyone was perfectly secure and happy in their social lives and their bodies, they wouldn't have to keep buying new goods to impress/placate their "friends" and family. The industries are based on dysfunctional relationships and personal insecurities.


This is perculiar, but I notice that I do not suffer from "social impairments" if people take the time to listen to me.

I find that I'm much more outgoing and confident if I'm talking to someone who's "on the same wavelength" as I am. I find that I can respond to people better if there's a common shared topic of interest.

Maybe that's it. Maybe people are less "socially impaired" around those who share similar social languages, values and customs.

You're right, of course. We all suffer from each other. But no one suffers from Asperger's.

On the one hand, human beings suffer from each other.

On the other hand, we can also benefit from each other.

For instance, I found that I don't suffer from Aspergers when people ask me for practical help or advice. I do not suffer when I impart information on special interest topics that they desperately require. I felt alive and deeply connected to others.

I think they would've adamently disagreed that I "suffer" from Aspergers. They would see me as a helpful and kind person in these scenarios.

It feels brilliant to open doors for others and help them out.
I wish I could do this more often.

Surely answering people's questions and helping them with practical tasks is social reciprocacy?

Could this be a kind of practical expression of empathy?

If both parties benefit, surely this is a kind of social contract?

In these cases I believe it's possible for theory of mind (working out what the other person might need) to exist with minimal smalltalk.

I believe that there are many different kinds of theory of mind, some are better for certain purposes/situations/people than others.

We do not "suffer" from our "illness", unless some of us want to be NT, which I certainly do not wish to be (in fact, I actually want to be anything but Neurotypical). The only times we suffer are the times when prejudiced, bigoted teachers, activists, and peer groups try to squander our happiness.

I don't suffer from my Asperger's: I flourish in it. I thrive with my ability to concentrate. I bloom with my artistic talents. I live vibrantly with my creativity, and my unusual viewpoints allow me to live a unique life. Asperger's isn't a curse; it's a blessing.

well. i guess if you dont think its a disorder, you shouldnt let it bother you.

i'm really indifferent to my aspergers, sometimes i love it and other times i hate it

I've often had unusual viewpoints.
But I didn't know that they were that unusual at the time: relatives often paid attention to details.

At the bank, my eyes could study the details of the mosaic flooring and the marbled columns. I could've written poetry about the architecture or thought about the mathematical patterns. Those parts of the bank I can deal with.

However, studying the interior design of the bank is not going to help me open a business account. It's not going to help me be "friendly" to the cashier. If I could, I would compliment the beautiful interior decoration. That's how I'd like to open the conversation in an ideal world. But it seems that's not what people want. This is why I'm terrified of going into banks, something that "normal" people wouldn't think twice or even be scared about.

My style of smalltalk doesn't seem to match 99% of the population.

I can say that it's a beautiful day and comment on the flowers.

I could make notes on the flowers, classify them, write poems about them or draw pictures of them. I can do all of these things brilliantly on my own.

But these skills didn't seem to help on fieldtrips when I was forced to collaborate with other people. I'm sure that Charles Darwin didn't have to contend with a group of girls chatting away, texting on their mobile phones, fighting over a quadrat. There was no option of working alone. Someone had to be in charge of the tapemeasure, another person the clipboard, another the ID guide etc. If someone had given me all of this equipment, I could've probably done the work more accurately in about half the time. I wasn't allowed to do this because there was not enough equipment for each person.

I have been told that I have a "good brain", but it seems to be much less effective if I have to contend with swarms of arguing, drunk or chatty people.

Therein lies the "problem".