Do you find the stages in a relationship a little... fake?

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Moog
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21 Oct 2010, 1:19 pm

menintights wrote:

Moog wrote:

I dunno, would you stop listening to songs because they always have a beginning, middle, and end?

You mean for the same reason I don't kill myself knowing my life will end someday?

My issue isn't so much that a relationship has a beginning, a middle, and an end--it's the crap that people do or believe in to get from point A to point B and their seeming unawareness that they can skip all the crap and still have a pretty good relationship with someone.

Some people seem to enjoy the whole process. I don't think it's crap. I think most people when they mature a bit can recognise that things take a certain kind of course and can recognise some of the landmarks along it. But relationships still need to be built, they don't spring up fully formed overnight. And, it's not like something people choose; emotions do what they do, the course of a relationship is what it is.

"Hey baby, how about we move from stage 6: Boredom, to stage 8: Hatred?"

I'm really not sure what you are trying to say to be honest.

To take the song analogy further, it seems like you want to fast forward the intro and the verse and move straight to the chorus, or something. I guess that desire is fair enough, but realising that that's not how things work and accepting reality is probably a good way to go.

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number5
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21 Oct 2010, 1:39 pm

menintights wrote:

jpfudgeworth wrote:

It really is like actors playing parts.

I hate the way romantic relationships develop so unnaturally compared to friendships. To me, every relationship must be built on a friendship or it's fake.

If people were more honest about themselves and with themselves, I'm sure fewer hearts would be broken on a regular basis too. I don't even know why people play along with this "game" when they don't have to. It's stupid, unnecessary, and a complete waste of time.

Couldn't agree more. I was friends with my husband first and before I let him put the moves on me, I made it clear that I don't play games. It's all a bunch of BS anyway. I was ready for a husband and, luckily, I got a good one. We've been together, committed, and game-free for over 13 years.

happymusic
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21 Oct 2010, 6:32 pm

number5 wrote:

menintights wrote:

jpfudgeworth wrote:

It really is like actors playing parts.

I hate the way romantic relationships develop so unnaturally compared to friendships. To me, every relationship must be built on a friendship or it's fake.

Friendship's definitely important, but I don't think it has to come first and I don't think that if it doesn't that that means fake stages will be the route the relationship will take. When I met my husband I was immediately interested in him romantically. None of the stages of our relationship have been forced or faked and like I said before I haven't felt disappointed in him.

My mom and stepdad were married six weeks after they met and he says he knew the minute he laid eyes on her that she was the one. He proposed the third week. They've been doting on each other for 26 years. They helped me understand what a healthy romantic relationship should be.

menintights, I don't understand the context of these stages. I was wondering where they are from - do you have a link to an article or anything? Excuse me if I've missed something in the thread (completely possible...even likely