Aspergers and comprehension of NT instructions/questions?

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To the OP:

I also always thought that my seemingly high frequency of missing the person's intention from the multiple interpretations I generated was because I was "too smart". But, it turns out that ToM deficits in trying to imagine how the other person thinks leads to this interpretation problem, and that increased 'smartness'/'creativity' only really seems to lead one to the ability to generate ever more 'errant possibilities'!

I know this because there are also many times when my brain can create a multitude of intepretational possibilities but I also intuitively know what the person's intention is right away, and this creates the opportunity for a joke. So the "quickly getting what the person is saying" mechanism is independent from the ability to generate interpretations.

It seems half the time I "get it", and half the time I "don't get it". Not like half/half, but there's a noticeable amount of times when I "don't get it" whereas others of a substantially lower IQ clearly do.

The less prepared I am for them, the less I am able to comprehend.

[quote="draelynn"]I've been told that asking so many questions is passive-aggressive on the job. Point blank - you are too smart to not know what I mean. A compliment and an FU all in one sentence.

EXACTLY!! So many of us have had the same treatment, or subject to the same assumptions - they think we're pissed off and just trying to obstruct progress and/or meetings. And, it's not just about the quantity of questions, it's the quality of the questions, that could trigger such assumptions. One time I had a co-worker say to me "I suspect you already knew that." I was pretty sure that my his tone and expression he was insinuating that I was being passive-aggressive. The truth was, I was second-guessing myself, because so many other times I had misinterpreted, that it was like walking on eggshells and I became over-cautious in validating my perceptions.

I guess the only other conclusion they would reach based on your "obvious" or excessive clarifying questions, would be that you're weird. I will quote a paragraph from Barbara Bissonnette, who is a coach for adults with AS:

Sometimes neurotypicals will be surprised that you are asking a question about something that is obvious to them. If someone says to you, “You should know that,” or “It’s obvious,” you can politely say, “Actually, it’s not obvious to me and I want to do a good job. Would you explain what needs to be done?” (Bissonnette, B. "Asperger's Syndrome, NLD, and Employment, 2009.)

Of course, this is a "survival" line, as it is unlikely to enhance your image or make you stand out as management material for promotion - it might encourage others to take advantage of you - but I think her solution is the best one under the circumstances.

Again, there is a caveat of excessive questioning. I would personally rather people believe that I'm a stereotypical eccentric genius who's "not all there" rather than a passive-aggressive a**ole with a chip on my shoulder. It is easy to also see how Aspies might be perceived as P/A when they find themselves in a misunderstanding and find themselves saying "But you didn't explicitly say that at the time." That also contributes to the hypervigilance I mentioned earlier about second-guessing oneself when you have the correct perception the first time. During a misunderstanding, NT's will often angrily reply "well, if you're not sure, THEN ASK!! !" - when the reality is, I was sure I had the correct interpretation. One more incentive towards the second-guessing route

If anyone has any coping strategies, would certainly appreciate hearing them!! Mine have only worked somewhat.

Wow - the more I read of the trouble others here have had throughout life - the more I can relate. I'm almost a 100% certain now that I have Asperger's.

I marvel at how much NTs understand each other when I haven't much of a clue what's going on - it's almost as if they use telepathy!!

I also relate to the form filling in thing! - I'm always asking 'Well do they mean X, Y or Z?' because to me they could be refering to any number of things. Again some sort of telepathy needed!

I agree with the last poster that it's almost like NTs use some sort of telepathy - that they effortlessly decipher the nuances that take us clarifying questions to uncover, or we miss them entirely. That's still one area of AS that I don't think I'll ever overcome completely. I've conquered other areas, such as voice pitch and modulation, and less rigid body language, and have done public speaking on presentations to any size of audience. The trouble is, during the last presentation I gave a couple of months ago on an IT-related subject (to an audience of about 25 people), one of the audience members asked a question that I found long-winded. I asked him, so when you say X, do you mean Y? And right away, an audience member piped up and said "No, what he's saying is Z." I could tell he was saying it in an annoyed tone. And I thought, how the heck did he know that right away without probing?? It made me feel inadequate, despite my other positive attributes. I tried to self-talk myself internally into believing that maybe it was because the annoyed "Mr. Z" was not under the same pressure that I was, and if I was in his place, I might have intuitively comprehended the questioner's meaning.

Yes I have this. I even had a misunderstanding at work with my boss about trash but luckily he said it was his fault and that he maybe didn't make himself very clear. At my old job, my office clerk always get mad when I misunderstand him and even trying to ask would upset him. You would think that all bosses would want their employers to ask if they don't understand. He told me the same but when I did, he get mad. I hate the You Can't Win situations.

Another thing that sucks is when people expect you to ask questions and then get mad when you failed to ask. How are you supposed to ask questions if you don't know you don't understand?

I have always interpreted the date question as dates like in month, day and years. I always find them interesting.


This is another reason why I have troubles with cooking. Luckily I know I am supposed to stir even though the recipes don't say so. They just expect you to use common sense.

There were many times while I was at uni that I had to re-do assignments that I had misinterpreted. For some of them, no matter how many times I asked for clarification, I still couldn't "get it".

I find vague instructions annoying. State it explicitly! Also, could you give me some examples of when you have misinterpreted something? (Again, this is showing my dislike for vagueness. "Misinterpretations of instructions". Do you mean instructions that come with games? Instructions when someone assigns you a project? Instructions as in directions where you are supposed to go? Instructions as in step-by-step instructions, for example in a laboratory?)

I've had my share of true disasters because of misinterpreting instructions or questions.

For me, it's pretty clearly caused by problems with Executive Functioning and Auditory Processing.

I mean, someone can be talking to me directly, 4 feet away, with no other distractions present, and I still experience lapses in comprehension, where I have to force myself to read lips because the speech I hear doesn't always register as speech. It might come across as garbled noise. It's still the right volume, but the processing has malfunctioned somewhere.

And I have to be very sequential with how I deal with instructions. For best results, I've found that I need the instructions presented not only orally, but also as some physical written list. If there is any room for doubt or interpretation, I will usually mess something up. I need very clear and unambiguous questions and instructions.

I hate it when someone asks an abstract or metaphoric question... I take it all literally, unless I can figure out something else they're trying to say. 90% of hurt feelings between my wife an me, early in our relationship, were due to my earnestly "hearing" something totally different from what she said or asked. We have worked hard to successfully solve that problem by my listening and thinking before responding, and by her carefulness in asking direct questions. It makes it SO much easier for both of us, and I am grateful that she's willing to do that.

Where I get in trouble is when a stranger asks me a question; case in point maybe a policeman asks where I'm going, I'll answer literally, when I should make something up. If I say I'm on my way to the fire station to listen to the monthly air raid siren test, he'll think I'm being sassy, and will get mad. I don't see why, but that's the way it is. If I were to think before answering, I'd say "I have the day off and I'm just out doing a few errands, and probably going by the fire station to get some information. "

Charles