Having Children

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There are lots, but my personal opinion of the worst neurological disease ever is Tay-Sachs Disease. A genetic mutation causes (something or other) to build up in the brain cells starting at birth and brain cells die. It's generally fatal by toddler age when too many brain cells have died to sustain life. What an awful way to die after such a very short life.

My youngest son, like me, has Asperger's. We attend a local autism support group with other children---most falling under what has been termed "classic autism." I value each of those children's lives. They all feel like family to me. They are happy children full of life, and they make their parents happy. We all have fun together. And there are some of the children who are very challenged. But they are worthy to live. They are human beings like any other person on this earth.

We cannot know for certaintly if a child will be born autistic or not. And if they are born autistic, so what? If the parent(s) cannot handle that, I believe the child should be put up for adoption. But they deserve to live---in my opinion.

Well I don't want my child to give the same grief to me as I did my mum when I started school. I want to bring a child into this world who's going to be socially happy.

All children, including NTs, bring grief/challenges/etc. to parents. And just because a child is NT doesn't guarantee social happiness. The autistic children I am around (many are classic autistic) are very happy---as are their parents.

I have no problem being a father to a child I have helped my cousin take care of her kids when I was a teenager and they turned out alright. The only problem I have is if the child is autistic he/she would have to deal with the same crap I had to. I still live near the high school I did when I went to school so they will have to deal with my former bullies kids. It would kill me if my child went thru the same bullying as me. What if the child could not handle it as well as I did or just ended up comitting suicide as a result of the bullying. I would not be able to live with myself if that happened.

If a parent wants to have children, but is afraid of what might happen in the future, consider this. This parent's goal is to have a successful/happy child. If the parent decides to have the baby, then there is a chance the child will be successful/happy, and there is a chance the child will not be successful/happy (autistic or NT). But, if the parent decides not to have the baby, then the chances of having had a successful/happy child are 0%.

It's up to the parent to decide what they want. But we can't live on fear of what might be---even NT parents have autistic children. If all of us that are autistic were never born, where would the world be today? And the same goes for the NTs. It takes both of our groups to make the world work.

As for bullying---well...there are plenty of NT kids that get bullied too. I don't hear NT adults say they're not going to have children because they fear they might have an NT child that might be bullied.

My wife and I couldn't be happier with our autistic child. I find him special to me because we both have autism. It's our special bond. Bullied? He says there are times, but that the other kids get bullied too, and the teacher disciplines the bully. It's life---we can't be afraid of it. And our oldest son has many autistic traits too---and he is happy and successful. He brings us great joy, and he is happy and successful at school.

I have dreamt of being a dad for over 15 years and if my son or daughter is diagnosed with Autism or Aspergers i will smile.

You may ask why would i be so happy about it? Well the answer is actually quite simple.

I will be happy knowing that if my child is diagnosed with Autism/Aspergers we will share a bond greater then anything in this world, I will understand my child perfectly, even if no one else does.

I will be right there with my child every step of the way, passing on everything i have learnt in this life to my child, i will show them how Autism/Aspergers is a gift and that being "different" isn't a bad thing.

Now i am not someone who comes across as your typical Aspie, but hopefully my words have left you, my fellow aspies with another perspective of how having a kid with Autism after everything you have been through, is a HUGE advantage for your child, especially in the world as it is today.

Last edited by olaph2k on 12 Nov 2010, 9:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

glider18 you are absolutely right, I couldn't have said it better.

I still think it's easier to have a NT child. Then I wouldn't have to go through getting the child statemented, getting the child diagnosed, having social services involved with us, having to take the child to the clinic a lot, going through all the heart-breaking of bullying and loss of friendships through school, coping with his/her obsessions.... No - I don't want all that. I want a baby to be born who has all the right developments, and starts school without any fuss, makes proper friends throughout school, gets on well - life can go on as normal then.

I hate having AS so much, and I know I can't get rid of it, there is no point in passing it on to children, to grow up in this cruel world.

Sounds like an ideal child you want---unfortunately for you those children are rare, even in the NT world.

All my of cousins seem to be that way - when they started school there was no worries for the parents (only general worries), but no worries in particular, and they all coped normally throughout school. And I could tell my mum envies all of her sisters and brother and brother in laws and sister in laws, because none of them had hassel with their kids, who all have friends even today, and my mum felt very lost and bewildered when all the teachers were worried about me when I was first at school and she had to take me to the doctors all the time. She didn't need that, and neither will I if I have kids.

I totally agree. It's not like autism is the only thing that could ever possibly make things harder for a child. A child who is gay is very likely to be bullied, regardless of neurology. A child with health problems will require many, many visits to the doctor. I caused my parents a lot of stress because I was a very wild teen. They spent about 3 years hoping and praying that I wouldn't be arrested or get pregnant (I didn't).

There are kids who don't have health problems or school problems or bullying problems or dangerous rebellion problems. But to assume that you will get such a kid is reckless and bound to lead to disappointment.

Nobody wants stress and worry about their kids but it is a highly likely possibility the minute you become a parent. Glider 18's point is that you don't avoid this stress and worry simply by not having a child on the autism spectrum. The things that stress your aunts and uncles are probably invisible to you and your mom. Your cousins have lots of friends. That's fine, but it's not a ticket to stress-free parenting. It just gives your aunts and uncles a different set of things to worry about. Do any of the friends use drugs? Do other illegal things? To be a parent is to worry. If you get to avoid worrying about IEP meetings and school bullying then instead you have to worry about drunk driving and sex.

Try schizophrenia. What used to be called dementia preacox. That is big time crazy requiring institutional care. Or paranoid schizophrenia.

ruveyn

That is a horrible thing to get, but AS is more common than that, and it sticks with you your whole life without any cure for it.

I can remember from way back, as a little kid even, that I did not want kids. However, if I did have kids with my current partner of three years, the kids would almost certainly be Aspies, and that would make me happy. I would know what my issues were as a child and that the child is likely to share those, and I would be able to understand that child's strengths and weaknesses and make things easier for them than it was for me. I wouldn't have that same intuitive understanding with an NT kid. I like my way of thinking and I believe that the kid would benefit from being like my partner and I.