Do you wish you were never born? Do you think about suicide

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I wish my mother aborted me, I even told her on numerous occasions.

Anyway, on Nov 5th next year, I will be starting my starvation. I should be dead days before my 30th birthday. I'll be dammed if I reach 30 with things missing from my life. I will also kill anybody that tries to save my life, by keeping a very sharp knife hidden by my bed.

Sometimes but it is a brief passing thought...I have many undeserved enemies, I wont give them the satisfaction. If I die...It is not my doing.

well I can tell you from my experience that romatic love is really overrated. If you love yourself you dont need another, but when you do find someone worth the hassle, then you can love without dependancy and delusions.

Why 30?? Is that because you watched the 30 year old virgin? I can tell you this waiting until you are 60 to find a good woman is better than ending up with a woman who is a crazy maker and certanly better than dying and possibly missing right person. You will find that if you wait until you are in your 35-40's that the women who marry these guys that are like peacocks but have no real substance and treat them badly, they will be leaving them by that age and be looking for men with more inner quality than outer quality. And that is when you are more likely to find the love of a woman. At your age, women are shallow and superficial, and are attracted to men who are likewise. But women age like wine and have more character and depth as they grow older.
Becides women hit their sexual peak in their 40's.
Somethings are worth waiting for.

Jojobean is right. My parents didn't marry until they were in their thrities, and the result was awesome.

If you're thinking about suicide, you have to realize that you're in an Aspy low, and you're not thinking rationally. I don't think there's a time when it's justified, but if you really are thinking about it, give yourself at least a month, may be talk it over with people here. Anyway, if you're dieing, you have to believe that there is 100% no chance that at any point in your life thinks might work out and you'll be happy. Because if there is even the slightest chance, isn't that a chance worth living for?

I know what it is like to be in this situation, as I was sucicial once and had a plan to carry it out, but thought of my mother and how I loved her and did not want to hurt her. The presense of death was so thick I could have cut it with a knife. I fought so hard to keep from killing myself...the battle was waged hourly. I was afraid to tell my mom for fear of being locked up for a long time, Eating was so hard because I had no desire to eat at all. But I forced myself to eat by telling myself that I needed to eat, in case I survive this. After 3 months of struggling utterly alone, mom came to pick me up for spring break, and discovered quickly that something was wrong. She took me to councilor whom I spilt the beans too and was placed in a crisis center. I was suicidal because my OCD had become truly unbearable and I just wanted relief, but I did not know what OCD was. I was put on medication and within a few weeks, I was getting better. I was released in 3 weeks, but it took me about 6 months to fully recover. But I am more stable than ever, and I am thankful that I did not take my life. I would have missed so much.

When you are in the claws of suicidal thinking and behavior...it is soooo hard to see any hope, but that does not mean that it is not there. For you, if you wait around as time goes on, you will find that women really are like fine wine...the longer you wait, the more character and depth they have. Some people dont marry until later in life, and that is ok, and studies have shown that those who wait to marry later in life have much better marraiges than those who marry young. Young women may be prettier on the outside at that age, but most are only skin deep and will only end up hurting you emotionally.

You more than anyone else in the world deserve your own love-Buddha

I'm an only child and really wish my mom had someone who was more normal, I think she would like that.

I think about suicide at least once a day. I never think seriously about it, but just as in, "oh, wouldn't it be nice if my life ended for a change" kind of way.

The reason I don't is two fold. The first is that I would never have the guts to actually kill myself. The second is that I have the need to persevere. Life sucks, but it's easier to muddle through it than to wish you were dead. Besides, incredibly brief flashes of satisfaction make me keep going. There are a few good things in my life that have happened to me in the past few months or so, namely that I moved to a different city. I'm fitting in nicely here.

it's really sad to read some of the responses here. please don't be in a hurry to die. till i was 17 my life was about as bad as it could get. went to vietnam, in the air force, returned to nothing but found an ok job. fought depression till 31. found the key. insane aerobic activity. became a marathoner and bicycle racer.....changed my brain chemistry. from 36 to 39 had a somewhat normal existence if you discount a. s. ran biked and traveled the planet.

then i was murdered by a drunk driver. can't run away from the place the universe wants you to be forever!

love of a man or woman? you can live without it. trust me. no human has ever loved me.

no family? how i wished i had never known my mother and father.

bullied at school? i only went to school 1/2 to 2/3 of the time. do it on your own.

the key is to find something to live for. most of you have not had time to do that. it was 31 or 32 before i realized the person i was needed to not worry about being anywhere near normal. for me it was trying to help non-human animals. 31 or 32!

it was 39 before i was ' truly happy'. wanted to live. then.............man, i hate drunks.

so, wait at least as long as it took me to find myself, THIRTIES! you may find the reason for you to continue by then.

i'm so injured now, it doesn't matter what i do. i keep going to care for my companion animals. my something to live for.

My mind has been made up, I am going to go.

IF something does happen before I do myself then I'll stay around.

Actually yes, I have thought about it a lot my whole life. As far back as I can remember I have wanted my existence to end, because of the physical pain of the sensory overload issues and the psychological pain of social rejection, isolation and loneliness.

Knowing I will die someday actually cheers me and in some ways prevents me from suicide. Death is guaranteed and that is a comforting thought. But what then? In 1995 I wrote a song called Death (link) about watching my parents die that asks some of the most fundamental questions people have always asked about mortality.

I tend to think now that this particular pattern of energy that makes up my body will dissipate, but the energy is eternal, and there might be an awareness at my ground of being that is also eternal. Whether or not that awareness will retain any memories of this particular manifestation after the pattern fades is less certain, but on the other hand, every moment of one's life is now, forever, so in the infinite(?) field of potentialities and "now moments" everything I've ever been, experienced, thought felt and dreamed is forever (of course I could be wrong). I might not want to revisit some "now moments," but there are some that I wouldn't mind playing over again.

I wrote a song about twenty-five years ago that has not yet been recorded or posted anywhere until today. The song's title is "I want to die today" and the lyrics are:

I want to die today, don't want to live anymore.
I hope I die today. I wish I'd never been born.
I want eternal sleep, don't want a life after death.
I want no memories so there can be no regrets.

These lyrics are copyright ©1986 to The Bicycling Guitarist.

This song has the same verse music (fingerpicking in D) as another song I wrote about the same time called Entropy (link) that has lyrics but no audio file yet posted in the Philosophy section of my web site.

Most of the time I just want to commit suicide. But I have a feeling that something life changing is going to happen soon, I am going to hold on and see what its going to be. It does get better even though it seems there is no hope.