Please Help Me To Understand This Conversation

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Even if the jokes fell flat, the apologies couldn't have been more polite. Make no mistake about it. I am fairly high-functioning (except when I open my mouth in public, but this is different). From my perspective as being rather between these worlds, I can tell you that what you typed in the way of an apology was not in the least arrogant and patronizing. I mean, what I read sounded like a gracious apology to an agitated person by someone genuinely puzzled at the aggressive reaction. It read that way, really. How anyone could read it and get more irritated I'm sure I don't know.

The fact is, a person can be nice sometimes and still have a side to them that is something to avoid. If a person can't cool off in the time this person has had, then they are not likely to do so for quite a long time... if ever. There are times when I swear a person is trying to be angry. What I'm seeing here is one of those exposures that sometimes happen... a person showing a side of themselves that trumps the "ordinarily she's very nice" that always seems to come in the wake of such moments.

In other words, you would not be out of line to say that you're not sure you can continue the friendship if this is how she feels about you. I know you don't want to lose the friendship, but if it was me, I would never again be comfortable posting a comment that this person could read. I would wonder every time whether she would be waiting to pounce, having already concluded that what she sees as arrogant and patronizing comments are apparently a capital crime. Even if you did sound that way (which you didn't), it wouldn't warrant this tantrum, especially after your effort to apologize.

I guess what most concerns me here is that she is determined to find fault and this gives you pain, and she has no use for common courtesy such as you have displayed, and I hope you will at least find a way to get away from the conversation entirely. I'd suggest a final polite response and then say nothing more of the matter. She isn't working toward resolution as you are. She seems to me to be eager to stir up contention. Some people get a buzz from doing that.

I would just let it be. Trying to explain yourself can make it worse. I would just let it go.

This is like deja vu. I used to have these kind of misunderstanding's all the time. Though, on message boards rather than individual friendships. I think the main reason I've gotten less of that is a matter of who I interact with. If I'm doing something different, I don't know what. Well, I know how to deal with them better. Especially, just let it go is sometimes the best thing. But, if I'm doing anything that makes these kind of things not start, I don't know what.

Having a troublesome "friend" is worse than having no friend.

This friend of yours just doesn't seem like a very nice person - unless they are just having a 'bad day'.

What you said did not warrant her nasty replies, IMO. I think she is the one who should apologize.

Find more understanding and less volatile friends would be my advice.

i know our replies might not be what you wat to hear, you might be thinking it's easy for us to say that this friendship is not good for you and advise to let go of it, but i know from experience that we are prone to dismissing bullying as " she was angry because i did something wrong and she must forgive me" type of things.
Not everybody can end up liking you. i know it's harsh but sometimes it's good to set boundaries for yourself and decide what you can or cannot accept from people.
i agree with other people who said she might be getting a kick out of making you feel like this, she is just letting all of her rage out, for no reason ( i mean, even if you had been arrogant and not joking about feeling like you read a lot, is it a reason to say she is "upset!! !! !!" like you had personally insulted her or something? i think not...)
just mention to her what katzefrau said. The fact that you have asperger's doesn't mean she can use you as emotional punching ball.

(Hoping not to kill the thread)

I have seen this stuff play out IRL and it seems to quite often occur within groups of women.
I wonder if a small part of the jigsaw is that women are still not really supposed to be competitive. They are supposed to sit demurely in the corner, with their eyes lowered, waiting for someone to approve of them.

(NB that is my tongue-in-cheek)

It should be acceptable to talk about the books you have read, without someone thinking you are boasting or competing.

Maybe she has a chip on her shoulder about her education for some reason.
Shame about the double standards that people often apply - if someone finds it hard to pick up social skills, it is no more their fault, than someone else struggling with academic studies.

People often pigeon-hole others and then interpret what they say in the light of whatever label they have applied. As in what they would find funny off one person, they take as an insult off another.

I think you didn't mean to upset her and there was no real reason for her to take it that way.
Further more you have apologised, that she felt upset by your remarks.
End of story - you can't do anything more.

Maybe after some time reflecting, she will apologise for over-reacting and/or admit some failing/insecurity/problem that might have contributed to this. (Or is that just too optimistic!)

(edited for spelling)