What will your whole life be if you don't have ASD?

Post Reply New Topic

Why do people have to assume that opinion about a life circumstance has to always be the same for everyone with similar life circumstances? By standards like these I would have to either be mildly impaired or hate the conditions related to my impairments. And yet this is not true. Promoting opinions like this does harm people who have opinions that follow less along the lines society expects us to have.

If not feeling shame and self-hatred every time I flap a hand, or curl my wrists (in in a way that looks "ret*d"), or stiffly stagger down the sidewalk,

or get stuck trying to exit a store because the people around me are moving too fast,
or have someone walk away because I took too long to respond,
or have someone think I'm brain-damaged (which I acutally am) because my speech gets scrambled up,
or in 1,000 other ways have yet another social interaction go wrong,
or the fact that I have very little money and likely never will,
or that my health has been messed up for 20 years and isn't likely to ever get better,
or that I'm not likely to stick my "member" in anybody,
or have much companionship,
or go to grad school,
or work again,
or that I'm not likely to ever impress the neighbors (or anybody else who would care about such stuff) with a fancy car/boat/spouse/job/social connections...

...if not feeling or believing that I'm a worthless piece of sh*t because of all that stuff (and more) makes me "proud," then call me proud. I've already wasted enough life engaging in self-loathing, and lamenting the past and things that will never be. Life goes on and ultimately, the choice is to live, or not.

I'm not saying that I don't have bad days where I hate the world, G-d, and everything else, but just because someone isn't complaining all the time doesn't mean that they have no problems. And if they feel pride, it also doesn't mean that they have no problems.

I dunno, maybe the word "pride" is the problem. I see it as meaning "basic self-respect."

I'd have an easier time with social interactions. But for someone with an ASD, except for relationships with women I've have gotten pretty damn far in my life - so far.

I'd probably want to be with people more often. I wouldn't repeat sentences without realizing it. I'd be able to come up with glib small talks off the top of my head that sounded spontaneous and not appearing to be a cookie cutter. On the other hand, I wouldn't enjoy writing and words as much. Wouldn't be as interested in the things I am interested in. I would be incredibly mundane and boring. I would gain a lot of satisfaction from mediocre, everyday things just like others do.

I would have played sports and perhaps even enjoyed P.E. lessons at school (judging from the NTs in my family), I might be interested in romantic relationships, because I would have the ability to have an emotional attachment with another person, I would have a large group of friends and maybe even a best friend and I would go to parties and get drunk with these friends (like just about all the NT kids my age seem to do), I would not have as much knowledge of various things as I do now, and I believe my relationship with my parents would not be as good, due to me preferring to be with my friends. I doubt I would be popular, but I suppose more people would like me because I wouldn't be 'that weird, quiet chick with the odd accent who never smiles' which is what I am now

I'd have more friends and do more extracurricular activities. I might be at college out of state. I'd have a different personality. I'd be less anxious. I could walk into a grocery store with no problems. But I wouldn't know to be grateful for this, so I doubt I'd be any happier.

I'm going to try to answer the question. The one thing that makes it so hard is that individually, each trait might or might not be there in a nonautistic person. Autism impairs my ability to cook yet not all nonautistic people can cook. You can see the problem. But I'll play along as if this wasn't true, just be aware it <em>is</em> true and all I'm doing is describing the opposite or absence of my autistic traits without regard for how nonautistic people can have the same traits for different reasons.

I would notice mostly what my brain expected to notice.

I would recognize objects easily.

I would understand words easily and would have understood words before I could talk.

I would be able to speak all the time, and would never have lost the skill entirely by infancy or slowly through adolescence into adulthood.

I would be what my culture erroneously calls independent, and would actually believe myself independent.

My abilities would be stable, and neither as good as mine are at their best or as bad as mine are at their worst.

I would be completely ignorant of the vast realm of sensations and experiences that lie underneath language, traditionally defined thought, and movement.

I would be able to remember much more on demand and much less when triggered.

I would be able to move whenever and wherever I wanted to, within reason.

I would feel as if I lived within my body.

I would have a lowered tolerance for pain than I do now.

I would have relatively stable academic abilities over time.

I would have far less stored sensory information in my mind, and far more ability to deliberately access what I did have.

I would not be able to paint in the specific way I do (which is heavily influenced by unusual sensory perception) but possibly far more traditional technical ability to paint, and certainly more ability to make a paintbrush obey me.

I would not relate to cats in the manner I currently do (based on sensory stuff too).

I would not be able to understand the nonverbal communication of autistic people (especially those like I currently am) as well as I do.

I would not have the intense uncontrollable empathy I currently usually have.

I would not perceive so many things my society told me don't exist -- on a daily basis.

Stopping now for interrupting cat. Again many nonautistic people are not like this. It's just based on my traits.

I can't imagine that I'd be any kind of person that would be preferable from my current perspective.

I enjoy being the creature of focus, specialization, and obsession that I am. I can't see it as a detriment when this is the direction in which civilization yearns.

I imagine that if I didn't have AS, I'd be hoping for neuroscience to discover a way to induce it.

To me, having a strong focus on a subject isn't healthy. I'm on job-seekers, but I'm finding it mighty hard getting the job I want to fit around my special enjoyment, because if I can't persue my special enjoyment, I'll be completely lost. My special interest is the weather, but I'm not fanatic about it enough to fulfill my life with, and anyway if I got a job I could just look the weather up on the internet in evenings, and then that's my special interest persued. But my special enjoyment is getting on buses - mostly my bus what I get every day to my volunteer job, because I like all the hus-drivers and I enjoy the bus route, (plus I have a free buspass), but if the job centre gave me a full time job in walking distance, I wouldn't have time to get the bus to my volunteer job (I like it there too, but I especially like getting the bus to there), and I can't exactly tell the job centre that because, again, they are worse than just NTs - they are NTs with authority, who especially won't understand my Aspergers difficulties and needs, and would just chuck me off benifits for making excuses. So - what good is there in having special enjoyments when you've got important responsibilites? And don't say I could be a bus-driver because I can't drive, and I'm too nervous to handle a big bus, and anyway I've told the job centre that if I did pass my test and gave myself experience, I would be a bus-driver, but they didn't take it seriously. So if I was NT I would have been in a job now, not caring about what buses I'm getting on.


Also - wouldn't it be heaven if you could just walk out and not be bothered by sirens, motorbikes, screaming kids, barking dogs, banging, and other ugly noises? Tell me - wouldn't it be just great? Tell me one advantage about sensory overload in the ears.

Anubuend, you're reading more into my comment than is there. Maybe a rewording would help?

If your AS is such that you are proud to have it, and you can view it as an asset more so than a liability, then it is more of a positive than a negative influence for you. Ergo, it's not a disability.

If you feel you are happy and functioning just fine with it, there is no disability. If you are NOT happy with it, and feel it is having more of a negative influence than positive, that's obviously a problem, and it IS a disability.

My statement isn't about MY opinion. It's about one's (anyone's) own opinion of THEMSELVES. The ONLY reason I will occasionally bring this up is because I am too often told that AS isn't a problem for me by others who don't see it as a problem for themselves. But it IS a problem for me, and no one should be judging me for saying so.

My real point is that we should be making up our own minds whether it's a real problem. Not relying on others to tell us whether it is or isn't, or should or shouldn't be.

Oh, okay.

Although, still. I have a pretty large number of impairments as a result of autism that make it extremely hard to function in really most areas. And I am more or less happy with myself the way I am. Both. That's the kind of view that didn't seem to fit what you were describing.

I'd probably notice my depression a lot more. I'd probably have more friends, but different friends, and I'd probably resent spending time with them due to still being depressed...but I wouldn't show it because I'd be better at hiding that sort of thing.

I also would not freak out in public around roads and loud noises. I would wear more uncomfortable, revealing clothes because I'd use male attention to validate myself more. Then I'd get depressed about not getting male attention, even in a miniskirt. Maybe I'd weigh less because I'd have more energy to work out, but I would still lack confidence.

Then I would eat ice cream and b***h to my female friend, whom I don't really like, on the phone. Then I would get my nails done. Then I would absolutely not play video games for hours or read a sci fi novel/endless Wikipedia pages. I would do whatever most women my age do. NT life would be sweet

Well, I wouldn't be replying to this thread for starters.
I'd have more luck with the opposite sex I'd imagine. I'd have more interests that are varied and pursued sort of equally (but of course I'd have favourites, NT have passions and all that.) I'd have different friends from a different "crowd" as it were, probably the cool geeks that are sort of in the middle and don't get bullied but are still not quite popular yet. And life would be very different in general, in a positive way I think.

Well if I didn't then I wouldn't be me - so I guess you'd have to ask whoever that person might have been.
I couldn't possibly answer because I am who I am, not who I might have/have not been.

Probably the best way I can put it is that if I were to say I'm totally happy with my AS, I wouldn't call it a disability. I'm not totally happy with it, because it does cause serious problems for me, therefore, for me, it's a disability.

Might not be the way I originally worded it, but probably should have been. I can't, and shouldn't tell you or anyone else whether it is or isn't a disability. If you asked, I might tell you how I feel about my own.

If someone says, "I have AS, and it doesn't bother me at all, in fact I love it," I won't argue whether they really have AS or not. I do believe it's perfectly possible to have AS, and for it not to be a problem for some people. I would say though, that if your THOUROUGHLY happy with it, and it's not causing any severe problems, that it doesn't amount to a true disability.

BUT, just because it isn't a true disability doesn't mean it doesn't cause ANY problems.

Just to be clear, when I say "True disability," I mean that the way most of society means it. A true disability, to me, means you are unable to manage your life without either physical or financial aid from others. If you can manage your life enough on your own so as not to be a burden to others, that, to me, is not disabled. But that doesn't mean you absolutely don't have other problems you could use some help with.

Anyway, whatever the case, I really try not to judge anybody but myself, and I try not to do that too much either.

I ain't always so great at it though.

MrXxx, I want to point out that whether or not you would call something a disability is not, then, dependent only on its severity. The life circumstances of the individual play a huge role in determining whether or not something causes any issues. The same person with the same AS traits could be, depending on life circumstances, completely disabled or capable of pursuing goals and contributing meaningfully to society without any more assistance than anyone else in their situation would get.

So, for me, I'm bad at socializing, but need it less; having spent a long time very deprived of contact and friends, I can say that that's one thing that kept me mostly sane, so it's good for me, even though in situations where would-be friends are more available, it's disabling and painful. Same two traits that, to my view, go hand in hand.