What is your difficulty in socializing?

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Okay normal I may have not noticed this but sense I discoved that I might have AS I have really been nit picking myself for the last couple weeks so maybe you guys can help me understand what I possible did wrong in this situation.

My friend was seeing a girl. He hasn't dated in 20 years or so. He seemed really excited about the girl and that was pretty much all he would talk about when I was around him. So I made a comment to him on facebook about how things were going with her. He responds to me telling me that I shouldn't be talking about that on his facebook because he is seeing more then one girl and he doesn't want it to cause a problem. I have been friends with this guy for like 5 years and this came out of left field. I really don't understand how I did anything wrong.

I also have issues reading hinting from people and body lauguage obviously.

Hehe, I have always understood the concept of kicking people under the table but I have never managed to gauge out of the situation WHY I got kicked. What was I supposed not to tell? Couldn't they tell me beforehand that I was not to tell? And I have once or twice actually asked this on the spot, as you might very well guess.
Looking back, seems like I have made a zilion of small but significant faux pas throughout my life and nobody bothered to tell me. They just let me go on embarassing myself. And, mind, whenever I am informed about what I have actually done, I don't go into denial or rage, I promptly apologise and usually do not repeat the same mistake again. But people seem to think that social skills are simply imprinted and each and every one. Don't they see the huge number of badly behaved, bullying society members? No, they just think them bold, outgoing and strangely attractive.

I suppose I would really understand my difficulty in socializing if I actually went out and socialized more :/ ...
Of course, eye contact is often a problem for me; does anyone else get the feeling that staring directly at someone's eyes is like looking into this creepy void? What really worries me is that I don't recall having this issue as a very young child.

Otherwise I'm just shy; the siblings say I'm repetitive ("I don't want to hear about cat genetics again!!") and take everything too literally But I can make perfectly normal conversation in public (as far as I know). At home, I just kind of loosen up, I guess..

No matter how much I talk I still get labeled and teased as being quiet. A big WHAT THE HELL?! goes through my mind everytime people get on me for this. And I think what makes me even angrier is that I would contribute to conversations more if I could relate to what they talk about but people NEVER talk about stuff that I can actually relate to. So what the hell can I say about that?

My main problems are:
The effort isn't worth the rewards.
I don't see social cues.
It seems mostly pointless.
I lack social intuition, so things that most people process intuitively I have to think through consciously.

There are other things, but those are the main ones.

No social phobia.

As a matter of fact I don't remember this too. But then I was labeled as shy and sensitive, therefore I think that poor eye contact was part of the whole package, I just didin't think about it. I guess that my parents and teachers didin't think about it too as with a timid, overly intellectual, poorly socializing kid you have a bunch of other more important problems.

What is your difficulty in socializing?

Less socializing leads to less difficulty.

Actually I do have a hard time reading social cues and knowing when to talk and all that but there is a bit of a confidence issue from years of being bullied and harrassed.

Oh god, where do I begin? LOL

I think my general problems with socializing are that I either say something that I thought would be a good contributer to the conversation but instead results in either making other people angry or it's something unintentionally funny that they end up teasing me about for months...or I'm forced to stand there dumbfounded because people are talking about something that my brain can't even conjure up a single thing to contribute.

My mind can be lazy with conversation sometimes. I know people are talking and judging me in the process but my mind would rather be focused on other things than trying to contribute to the conversation. Explains why I get called the quiet girl so much but come on, do I really have to be contributing THAT much when I'm in the presence of people talking? Do you see why I've come to hate the NT social system so much?

My biggest Aspie problem is socialising and although I have major difficulties concerning things such as interpreting nonverbal cues, knowing the right thing to say etc, I do sympathise with you completely on the being afraid thing. I try to overcompensate for being just plain weird by not putting any stress on the other person. So if I make a mistake like that, I won't dare point it out. I know exactly what you mean!

It would take me ages to list all my social problems, but I've become a lot lot better.

I'm just aloof. immature and still wear dorky underwares. also, i dont drive and dont own a iphone, dont go to church, and love collecting sportscards and fire agates

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1.

Why bother doing something you'll never be really that good at even at age 34! I just want to be left alone with my birds

They come to the wrong conclusions about me. They think I am fun, aloof, interesting, independent. Immediately they begin with the pressure to do things, go places, even when I've told them I prefer and need 80% of my time in this world free from commitment. Most of my casual relationships end up the same. They just shake their heads for awhile, get their feelings hurt, and finally just write me off as strange. People are a huge mystery to me. They terrify me and make me nervous. I was forced by a very social family to interact. I definitely engage but it is too intense. It is like whatever energy is surrounding me gets my full attention to the point it exhausts me. I need to be alone to be able to keep all I need to function inside me. There isn't room around me, it feels like pressure unless the person has a very strong sense of self....a completely self contained functioning unit that doesn't require me to exit. I can't be tied down to any buddy system...eating schedule, sleep schedule, entertainment schedule....they have to move around in this world doing their thing and ok with me being there or not. I have to do it this way or I won't be ok.

feel like a freak

About this little quote....
Most teenage girls do recognise any differences in another young person, because they are so judgemental and could easily take the piss if they wanted. Although no two people are the same, most teenage girls seem the same as eachother in some ways (not all, because it's impossible for people to be exactly the same as another in exactly the same way). But the majority of teenage girls seem to speak the same, like they say, ''I was, like,...'' a lot when they're talking, whereas people in their mid 20s and beyond develop their own way of communicating, and so don't capture other people's social differences, unless somebody shows strong ''weirdness'' right through them (which I don't).

It's very hard to explain things like this.

Well, girls tend to look up to celebrities and follow trends, trends, trends. They take these celebrities and models as the normal. Girls are also very, very obsessive. If they like something they will stalk for months and months until they decide its old, resulting in them knowing these people's hobbies and speech pattern, body language, etc. With these factors, what you get is that these teenage girls are able to pick out those that differs from the 'normal crowd'. They also gather and socialize in a fixed group. Therefore their speech pattern are mostly the same. Teenage girls also hate to be isolated. Trust me when I say some of them will do just about anything to get in a group.

On topic: I myself can't talk smoothly and find a good topic which the listener can follow. I also freeze up sometimes when I talk to someone. If the person I'm talking starts to get too close or ask for things I'm very uncomfortable with, I turn heels. This and that I avoid eye-contact. I would force myself to do so for maybe 3 seconds and my eyes would move and look at something else instead. Needless to say, I have very few friends.

1 -Small talk - Can't do it. Can't stand it. Unfortunately its the only thing that allows socialization to happen... no matter who what where and when any form of conversation may take place it will always include some small talk.

2- Lack of interest- I try to socialize only when i'm incredibly bored and completely out of things to do.

3- Combining 1 and 2 and add 2 decades of constant failure I've reached the point where socializing is merely something to 'act out' in order to function in a society based on socializing. I can definitely fake interest and slightly stumble through small talk IF I enter the socializing situation prepared to do just that... but the words coming out aren't true nor do they flow out of my brain naturally.. its all an act. I feel sorry for people around me that get to interact with me oftenly.. my poor coworkers never can figure out why I can be 'normal' in one conversation and be blanked out when i'm ambushed by a small-talk seeker unprepared.