Why Do Some Aspies Hate Small Talk?

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A good relationship with co-workers means work will be done faster due to better cooperation.

At least, that's the premise of it. Not socializing with my co-workers always held me back in my jobs.

Its pretty pointless, I mean if I don't have anything to say and nothing intresting is being said by anyone else I see no reason to talk. What's wrong with just being quiet until you think of something intresting to say? No sense in talking about useless things just to be talking.

They're not doing it just to be talking. The whole point is to show friendliness. They're not really communicating anything by what they're saying, but by saying anything at all.

I still don't like it myself.

I don't mind small talk, but my problem is that I can never think of anything pointful* to say.

*I know it's not a word, but I'm tired, and it's the opposite of "pointless", so it's good enough for me.

Last edited by dunbots on 21 Jan 2011, 2:47 am, edited 2 times in total.

I don't like small talk because it is gossipy alot of the time.

Because it's how you make friends. Not the only way, but the easiest and most common way. It's not discussion, it's, as has already been said, signalling to the other person that you're friendly and approachable, which is how you make friends. Aspies don't like it because they like all of their discussion to be substantial and meaningful, which is the result of social isolation from having impaired social skills (people instinctively look for happiness elsewhere when they are unable to attain it somewhere else).

I do not mind small talk in small doses, but continuos mindless conversations are unendurable.

Screw co workers they are lame haha.

Small talk is actually just showing someone you're friendly by talking to them. It's not having an actual conversation.

Example. train is delayed so two bored people make a few comments. Small talk. I'm actually good at this when in the mood.

Not small talk: Two friends have a discussion over coffee. Talking about the news/ some people they know/ their job/ etc.

I dunno maybe I'll dub it 'coffee talk.' Because it's not the same as small talk.

I tried to make similar points earlier, I think these are a bit clearer.

It's painfully boring and it takes time away from more interesting things.
I only do it because I know other people see it as a sign of friendliness.

I'm older now and can mimic it fairly well. If the other party instigates small talk I can seem perfectly normal and knock it around. Voice modulation and all. If the other party says nothing, I'm content with that and won't attempt to engage them unless something is required.

Sometimes extreme small talkers can still stun me a little. My dentist is an extreme case. A wildly social back slapper who wants to chew the fat with me every time. His open eyed glare and laser like focus on my every word is unsettling. I don't understand him at all but I tolerate him because I realize he's probably just running some software he doesnt fully understand and can't control. He's the opposite of me and that he exists at all is worth a chuckle.

I'm not good at small talk, especially when it comes to dealing with my own peer group. I can do it, but it's difficult for me. I like having a good meaningful conversation instead.

My best way of answering is to quote a verse I wrote back in the 1980s, about 25 years before I even knew what AS was:

Hello again, it's nice today
And you hope the clouds will stay away
And that's as deep as you want to go
Why is it always so?
If only you knew me
We could share the weight of fear
Why does everybody say
The sentences nobody wants to hear?

Because when someone asks you a question, you're supposed to make the shortest summary of the answer ever.I'm not good at summarizing my feelings ..Then, you have to ask a question yourself, preferably about something totally unrelated.It's like trying to browse through the person's life, but if their life is a library, you're just looking at the titles, not reading any book.First of all i am drawn to important subjects, i don't create bonds by superficial interactions, second, i find it insulting. I mean, if someone asks me how my kid is doing and i answer he has the flue, they will ask something else, then move subjects. If someone tells me their child has the flue, i will take an interest in it and want to ask about symptomes and such. If i can control myself, i will remember that the mother only wants to be asked if she can sleep at night or if the poor kid is egotistically keeping her awake. Then i won't blurt out something stupid like "oh and huh does he have a fever then? " because i am stiffling something about antibiotics and their use etc, but all i can think about is medical stuff. I am very bad at picking the next "casual" question.

Wow, that's really nice.