John, I just read 'Look Me in the Eye' as well as your brother's book and thoroughly enjoyed both. I will be ordering your new one soon. Though your brother's thought processes seem foreign to me, yours are very familiar. In fact, your LIFE seems very familiar. Mine followed many of the same paths. My father was probably an Aspie, he certainly had gifts, he was a card-counter who never lost a game of poker that I saw, and a superb pianist. He could in fact play almost anything. I guess parent wise, I was considerably more fortunate.
But my life was still miserable until I dropped out of school and joined a band. By the age of 20 I was on the road and I stayed out there for the better part of 20 years. The biggest difference is, though I'm also a good sound tech and I'm now doing sound for a concert company started by the local mayor, my real talent is playing lead guitar. I've even built a guitar, but it's a fairly normal Tele, with no lights or bombs. I'm also into working on cars, but right now I'm fixated on Fox Mustangs, I have two and am looking at another one.
I found out the same thing you did, musicians are more tolerant. Many are misfits themselves, and they are a lot less interested in your social skills and more into what you can do. If you can perform, you are in. I've noticed other groups that are more open-minded, like bikers for instance. I used to ride my Harley to Sturgis every year and never had any trouble getting along with people. Bike riders in general tend to be tolerant except for that whole stupid Japs vs Harleys thing.
I am 55 and have just been diagnosed. Until now I thought of myself as a failure, because everyone thought I was so smart and talented when I was young, and some have said I was lazy and failed to live up to my potential. Now I realize that without knowing what my social problems were all about I still managed to avoid getting trapped in the circle jerk of a career where progress is all about networking and social brown-nosing. I'm sure I would have found it as distressing and unsatisfying as you did. I am now working happily at the local library with a batch of other misfits, and I am content that considering everything I have not done so poorly for myself after all.