Are NTs instinctively offended if you disagree with them?

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For me, it depends on a lot of factors. I'm pretty averse to arguments, so I tend to drop things if the other person is getting emotional. I also get bored pretty quickly, so I stop for that reason too. I'm also really, really slow at remembering things, so I'm at a bit of a disadvantage in a debate.

One thing that I I look at very closely is the type of arguments the other person is using. Some people just throw things at you without listening to you. Some people are incapable of following a logical argument. Some people cling to bad sources of information. Some people just use the same arguments, no matter how many times you refute them. If that's happening, it doesn't matter what you say. You are not going to have an effect.

True. I had to learn this as well. There are people who either lack the integrity or skills to engage in a rational discussion. It's not my job to repair them. Once I have sufficient evidence that someone is irrational, I won't push the point.

So really it just sounds like it depends on who you are disagreeing with and how you are disagreeing with them and wehat you are disagreeing about. No hard and fast rule to cover it all as it is very context-dependent.
A couple of things that I have found help, is to try to let their point be heard by saying "I can see/hear/feel where you are coming from on that", and then instead of saying "BUT I feel blah", you say "AND I feel blah". I read this amongst some NLP literature, and it is quite an interesting concept. It takes away that jarring gap between the two of you and kind of allows BOTH opinions to be present at the same time. Feels kind of weird to talk like that though, I still haven't quite gotten that to flow for me.

Yes. Unfortunately, this is the sort of thing that Aspies are often very bad at.



Another thing to try is to find some points that you can agree on. You can say "Well I agree about, ..., but I differ from you about ..." You can also admit that nothing is perfect, and point out weaknesses in your own argument, and say that despite the weaknesses, you find that the overall positive features overcome the negative ones.

The funny thing is that I am actually pretty good at negotiating things and coming up with good compromises, because I'm willing to look objectively at what the other person is saying. A lot of people lack this skill. It takes a lot out of me though, so I hate to do it.