Aspergers thoughts of harming and murder

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OCD can cause intrusive thoughts of horrible violence that the person totally doesn't identify with/want to act on/any of that (which can then lead to them doing rituals to make the thoughts go away), that''s the only sort of tenuous link I could see between such thoughts and autism. But at the same time what's being described doesn't fit that pattern. When I had OCD-fueled violent imagery in my head, it made me feel sick, not like something I even slightly admired, wanted, identified with, whatever. And then I'd have to do a repetitive motion to make it go away. But this sounds quite different.

IIRC, the Complete Guide mentions that AS people may be more likely to respond violently to certain situations. They don't recognize the value of informing others about bullying or intimidation and may take matters into their own hands. Ive certainly done that and been violent with men who I felt crossed the line with me. But I always felt that was a result of bullying in my youth leaving me with a tight trigger, especially for being touched. And it may well be a combination. But with age it's mellowed significantly.

But then, there were several aspects of my personality that I felt had come from bullying. Which reminds me of Mike Burry's experience. He's the AS guy who has been featured in the news recently for making a lot of money during the mortgage meltdown. He had lost one eye in childhood and mistakenly attributed his AS symptoms to the fallout from adjusting to partial blindness and having to wear a false eye as a kid. When I starting thinking about my AS characteristics, I realized that they predated the bullying by many years. i'd made the same mistake that he did.

Oh I've been violent before. Just never.. sadistic.

I hate people dying, and I hate death all together (same goes with animals and insects!) But today I had such a bad day that I felt like murdering people, and I'm scared in case my thoughts get worse and worse until I actually do it. But maybe I just felt like this a lot today because I was having a bad day. I think everybody gets thoughts like that with people when having a really bad day.
I'm going through a lot of stress a the moment (family problems), and I've become more anxious about getting a paid job than ever, because I'm 21 and still haven't had a paid job, and the older I'm getting the more unconfident I'm feeling towards starting a job, and it's causing me enormous panic attacks, palpitations, tiredness, and migraines. It's even starting to give me frequent nausea - which I don't normally suffer with. So hopefully all these angry thoughts of hate and murder could just be something to do with my state of mind, and nothing personal. Plus I get really anxious in busy crowded places, and I hate crowds. Today I kept getting in the way where ever I went, and I was innocently standing outside a shop when 2 men from the shop came towards me, pushing a load of lined-up shopping trolleys towards me and needing to put them EXACTLY where I was standing. I almost stormed away screaming, ''I'M ALWAYS IN THE f*****g WAY!! !! !!'' but I didn't. I just had to bite my tongue and calmly walk out of the way, trying not to lose my cool. Then I went to wait in the bus-station, where I can be out of people's way, and I sat down and waited for the time to come when my bus arrives. But then I was turfed out of where I was sitting by 2 older women, because they wanted to sit there, so feeling a bit embarrassed of having to then stand up in front of everybody looking at me, I calmly walked to a bigger space where nobody was standing, and then when I got on the bus I sat on the back seat, where nobody can see me. What made it worse was I had the driver who I hated the most. Ohhh, just nothing GOOD comes out of a bad day when you're frustrated! Nothing comes along to cheer you up!

So no wonder I felt I could have beat up some people today! I just hope I don't actually do it. I have a fear of mental hospitals, and I think I would kill myself if I was carted off to one because of lashing out in the street. Serves people right for frustrating me!

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Well to be honest I think a lot about harming myself....mostly suicidal thoughts, and there are people in my life I really wish I could go back and at least cause extreme injury to. And I watch gory horror movies to get a good laugh its more entertaining if its at least semi-realistic. But yeah I guess I have never really veiwed myself as a violent person as I do not think harming people without good reason is ever a good thing.

I believe my thoughts in this direction are linked more toward my mood disorder. Possibly OCD though... I don't know.

Up until I was about 8 I used to tell my brother I wanted to kill myself or him at least two or three times a year, just for minor offenses by him.

I have thought about harming and murdering people at various points in my life but I don't think that it is related to having autism.

I'm not sure that violence has anything to do with autism.

But anywho, I used to be kinda violent in thought as I used to want to hurt people all the time. However, that was because I had a bad childhood and had a lot of crap to figure out.

I am now adamantly against murder and violence unless absolutely necessary. I hate the idea of hurting others and for a time I actually feared the very idea that I had hurt someone which caused great withdrawal from the social world. Now, I still fear it but I'm not as... crazy about it. I just try to live as peacefully and as helpfully as possible.

And due to this, I'm a very happy person.

We might hold grudges more than normal people do.
I still remember misunderstandings I've had as early as preschool, and still daydream about running into those people again and hurting them. But a lot of those misunderstandings I probably could've avoided if I'd just opened my mouth, but a lot of the times I was too dumbfounded as to why I was being yelled at, I simply remained silent and plotted revenge.

I started fantasizing about raping girls when I hit puberty, I fantasized about shooting up my high-school & after I graduated I fantasized about hurting docs who had misdiagnosed me . I'm not quite sure why I had those fantasies; I'm a borderline asexual & I'm too much of a wuss to even punch someone with all my force in self-defense. I think those fantasies were an OCD thing(I have very bad OCD issues all my life). I may of had those fantasies because I was very frustrated about things in my life & the fantasies became obsessive thoughts. I have NOT had those fantasies at all sense I was about 19. I feel in love with a girl then & became so obsessed with her that those fantasies completely disappeared

Violence has got nothing to do with Autism. On the news I hear of a murder every week, and Autism is never mentioned in the case.
Did anyone hear of that 60-year-old woman in Tenerife who had her head randomly cut off in the shop? I bet that man who murdered her wasn't Autistic nor on drugs, since he was just known as ''a maniac who was let out of prison''.

I don't think my anger will take me as far as that. I think it's just sometimes we feel like doing these things when we're angry, but not realistically.

I used to fantise about taking one of my father's shotguns to school and going on a rampage and killing all my bullies and teachers who bullied me. This was YEARS before Colombine.

I think a lot of us have had that fantasy at some point. The difference between us and psychopaths though is that if we were serious about it and then questioned we would find it hard to deny that we'd go out killing people. We may not be highly emotionally affective but when the emotions are strong enough we can't really switch them off like a psychopath can.