Japanese Asperger's - do you have any insights?

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Joined: 4 Aug 2015
Age: 28
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19 Aug 2015, 10:57 am

beneficii wrote:

4.) Try methods that allow you to attain a high degree of proficiency in Japanese before going, such as Antimoon and AJATT.

Of course, if you can do an exchange program, where like you go to school in Japan and/or live with a Japanese family, that can be helpful and if you want to learn Japanese you should take any such opportunity, but if you're just going over to teach English I'd recommend having knowledge in place BEFORE you go.

True story: I remember coming across a white American woman who lived in Tokyo nearly 10 years ago. She said that she had lived in Japan for 15 years, taught English, talked about how only having a bachelor's degree greatly disadvantaged her in her job, complained a lot about life in Japan, said she wouldn't be able to find a job back in the States because all she can do is eikaiwa, and said she knew very little Japanese and "didn't have time" to take classes or to do anything else to increase her ability in Japanese. Let's just say, I vowed not to end up like this woman. IMO, if you're just going to end up like this, you might as well forget about living in Japan.

Of course, Japan is not perfect, but you can try being smart about it and avoid some common traps.

Thank you very much for the post.
Reading it gets me fired up and eager to learn Japanese even more! :ninja:

troubador127
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07 Sep 2016, 2:22 am

Tawaki wrote:

I have an Aspie friend who was born in America, but his parents are Japanese nationals.

America is billion time easier....he gave up his Japanese citizenship because he felt Japan had nothing to offer him.

He is the oldest born. Picture having uber helicopter parents. He was expected excel at sports, school work, after school clubs, and there WERE expectations. Like you better be in the right kind of after school club. His parents really didn't care if he couldn't deal. You buck up to save face. You better eat your meltdowns and not humiliate the family in front of the teachers or strangers. You better be one with the group, even when is like acid on an open wound. The group is EVERYTHING in Japan.
So no one is going to cater "cater to your issues", and they do not tell you EVER what you did wrong. (like the previous post said above). Where an American co worker might call you an s**t head and a tard, in Japan it is all very polite and you get marginalized to the side lines. Nothing is ever direct.

In America, no one really cares if you are married or dating. They sure the hell do in Japan, and as a first born son you better get married. And it better be to the "right" girl. And her family can't be an embarrassment to you father's boss (WTH, right?)
And your boss, your dad's boss and a zillion co workers WILL be invited. You have no say.

Finding a serious relationship is a nightmare (marriage). Love isn't enough, and you better bring a lot to the table. A Japanese man might whore around with foreign women, but a son would never ever bring one home to mom and dad as a wife. Especially a first born son. I know there are blogs about mixed Japanese marriages, almost all are Japanese women and foreign men. The pressure on the males to conform, fit in and produce that golden boy grandchild is insane.

He said Americans have a surface love affair with Japan. You maybe get a good 20% of the culture when you teach English for a few years. Expats have told me you will never really fit in, even if you can fluently read, write and speak Japanese. Everything is at a polite arms length, and in direct. A foreigner can do a cultural f**k up, and they might tell you why. They tell you why because you aren't one of them. When my Japanese friend f***s up, it is beyond the pale, because as a Japanese person you are just suppose to pull this stuff out of the thin air and know it. Period.

So as an Aspie Japanese male, living in Japan is very difficult. He said American has a greater tolerance for weird/not the status quo compared to Japan.

His father is an international business man, so the family has status and money. It may be different for the dude whose father is a factory rat for Honda.

ETA: sorry for the screw up on the quote. My phone will not let me edit it correctly.

As an aspie wife in Japan, you are right. My husband only got approval to marry me because 1) he is 34 and not getting any younger. 2) he is a bus driver, so not great pay. His friends and family all thought he would never get married. I told my husband I have Aspergers but he still acts like most of what I do is because I am young (20's) and am from a different culture. Idk what he is going to do when he figures out I will always be this childlike.

Despite graduating from the number one ranked public university in the world, I am only intelligent in regards to book-smarts. I can't apply anything to real life. In my 2 years of working in Japan, I can't even hold down an eikaiwa job because I find the socializing aspects of it very difficult. I began having panic attacks at my last job and so, yeah... I am freelance tutoring and am taking JLPT N3 in December. I might have to take a conbini job or something for a while and then just tutor and translate freelance as my Japanese improves.

I can tutor as long as it is 1-1 and there is no boss around to manipulate my teaching style and lesson flow. I fooled myself into thinking I could teach ESL to groups, and to kids too. Whoops. I am so awkward around children...

People have a better chance of surviving Japan with a degree in business, software/app development, etc. If it is a 4 year degree or higher, teaching ESL can still be a backup possibility. I do recommend learning Japanese beforehand as well, as much as possible.

Being married to a Japanese man is difficult sometimes. My ability to even do basic tasks like cooking and cleaning every day is low. It has gotten better, but even doing that at a level he finds acceptable stresses me out. I have stopped going outside unless I absolutely need to. If I start a new job, I fear another nervous breakdown.

The fact that I am incapable of the simplest tasks makes me feel utterly worthless. I was doing well in America, but I am married now, so I need to keep trying. In America, I was fine with being Aspie, but here, it makes me hate being me.

palmtoka
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20 Nov 2016, 12:51 pm

That's how it had been in Japan for long and the time IS changing. -.-

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beneficii
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20 Nov 2016, 6:36 pm

I've been learning Japanese and came across some videos about Asperger's syndrome, and they featured women with the condition (Japanese language only):

This woman was into reading English books at age 4 and has a photographic memory. She grew up in the Kansai region, which has a different dialect from the Japanese spoken in Tokyo, but even though everyone around her spoke with a Kansai accent, she spoke with the standard Tokyo accent. This was from watching, say, the news. She was often excluded because of her accent:

This woman has PDD-NOS and loves to play the piano:

This woman has both ADHD and Asperger's syndrome, and is 片づけられない女性 (a woman who cannot clean):

^ This woman I probably identify with the most, and there are a lot of similarities to my experience here in the States. Of course, being a woman in Japan, there can be a lot of stigma around her inability to clean, inability to keep her things organized, lack of understanding what's going on around her, narrow interests, sensory issues, hyperactivity and poor impulse control, and poor eye-hand coordination. She was really into studying fossils, dinosaurs, geography, human anatomy, and other things.

Sorry they're Japanese language only, but if anyone here is a native speaker or is learning or otherwise interested, they may find these videos valuable. Being a learner myself, I found them helpful.

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AnaHitori
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20 Nov 2016, 7:13 pm

I want to live in Japan someday, so I do wonder about this...

I haven't ever been to Japan, so I don't know what it would be like, but talking with Japanese people online who have Asperger's or suspect they do, it seems that they are concerned about not fitting in or coming off as strange, particularly among peers at school. Same as in America, I guess.

But Japan apparently isn't very understanding of people who are different. There is a pressure to belong to a group. Japanese people often don't state things outright; they just imply things. (I've gotten really confused about that! One of my Japanese friends finally explained clearly what she meant by something she said earlier, and said that Japanese is a vague language and I should try to keep that in mind. Yeah, no kidding...) So I think that would be very tough for aspies. I've had several misunderstandings that way.

I doubt many people in Japan know what Asperger's syndrome is. I always have to explain it a little if I mention having Asperger's. Then they might still seem confused or misunderstand.

There seem to be a lot of unspoken social rules in Japan about how one should act in a certain situation. I'm a bit concerned about messing something up and embarrassing myself. >.< I get pretty nervous talking to Japanese people, and not just because my Japanese isn't very good. I feel like I am being judged closely. I don't know; maybe it's just paranoia. O.o

And the problem with Japan being group-oriented is that individuality is somewhat supressed, because of all the expectations for how to behave around others. Aspies are very unique individuals and might feel that they can't express themselves fully in Japan, particularly if they come from a different country that is more individualistic.

beneficii wrote:

I've been learning Japanese and came across some videos about Asperger's syndrome, and they featured women with the condition (Japanese language only):

This woman has PDD-NOS and loves to play the piano:

This woman has both ADHD and Asperger's syndrome, and is 片づけられない女性 (a woman who cannot clean):

^ This woman I probably identify with the most, and there are a lot of similarities to my experience here in the States. Of course, being a woman in Japan, there can be a lot of stigma around her inability to clean, inability to keep her things organized, lack of understanding what's going on around her, narrow interests, sensory issues, and poor eye-hand coordination. She was really into studying fossils, dinosaurs, geography, human anatomy, and other things.

Sorry they're Japanese language only, but if anyone here is a native speaker or is learning or otherwise interested, they may find these videos valuable. Being a learner myself, I found them helpful.

Thanks for posting those! ^^

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palmtoka
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21 Nov 2016, 7:57 am

wasted wrote:

They don't.
Japanese culture does not accept those who are different. It values conformity, perfection, obedience and strict etiquette. You have to read signs and know what people want without them speaking and behave perfectly in every different situation.
Aspergers is considered a mental illness and such a person either receives disability pension or is locked up.
Nobody would hire a person with Aspergers or consider marrying one.

I would say thats still the case in many areas of Japan, more so in rural areas than in cities.
With that said, I also feel the tide has been gradually shifting to the good as the media in Japan, as beneficii suggests on the YouTube videos she posted in the previous comment, having been successfully provoking awareness for ASD/ADHD and other developmental disorders.

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Sen Chi
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11 May 2017, 10:27 pm

Dantac wrote:

^ what Kiseki said is very true and it was my experience while living in Japan for a little while.

same here.
unfortunately I have pretty crippling chronic fatigue on top of this so I'm stuck here until my visa expires in a couple months.
hopefully I can work out something elsewhere soon.
living here is miserable.

one thing that I haven't seen mentioned yet on this post is that- once you get outside of central Tokyo, everyone, or at least a damn good percentage of people you pass by just stare at you. they stare directly at your face... like you're an alien or an animal they've never seen before.
no apologies, salutations, smiles, waves, nothing. they just stare at your face and walk away like it was acceptable.

(it should be noted I've spent most of my time in and around Tokyo so I can't speak to other areas of Japan but it's been a pretty horrible and debilitating experience entirely. I only leave my home to go get food 1-2x a week or go to a nearby park late at night while most people are already at home or exhausted from their day as well)

BrokenPieces
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12 May 2017, 7:18 am

Sen Chi wrote:

Dantac wrote:

^ what Kiseki said is very true and it was my experience while living in Japan for a little while.

I'm curious as to how a culture can be so unaccepting of difference but have so many subcultures. Are these only acceptable to subcultures?

I read that in Japan, you will often see things that are a mix of modern and traditional, so I'm confused about these things are acceptable when they're radically different.

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12 May 2017, 9:28 pm

My son has HFA and lives in Japan. He loves it. He loves all the social rules. He won a scholarship to University in Japan. He is fluent in Japanese, Chinese, Korean and French. He loves language. He is studying law and wants to be human rights lawyer specializing in disability. With his photographic memory and analytical skills, I almost pity anyone who has to face him in a court room. Almost but not quite :lol:
We first took him to Japan when he was 12 because he was studying Japanese. It was like a homecoming for him. He just knew he needed to live there one day. We went several more times before he moved there for Uni. He just fits in Japan in a way he never did here in Australia.
He immerses himself in Japanese culture. Loves Enka music which is a type of music from the post war era. Some Enka singers are still performing and he goes to as many concerts as he can. The average age of the concert goers is about 70 and he is the only caucasian there but the people are always lovely to him. He gets invited to peoples homes so he can see and listen to their record collections
Last time we went to visit him, we lost him in a crowd. Even though he was there in plain sight we just didn't see him. He really, really blends in. We walked right past him. It freaked us out a bit. He is like a cameleon in Japan. The best thing about him being there is he is so happy and comfortable. He has friends for the first time in his life. They go out together to Karaoke nights and to movies together. No-one ever wanted to be his friend here. I'm glad he found his home. Sad it's so far away but it's where he needs to be.

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