Which have it harder? Male Aspies or female Aspies?

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I don't think one is harder than the other. Every aspie will perceive their problems in their own way, some will relate them back to AS and some won't. Who has is "harder" is subjective. Some people think finding a significant other/relationship in life is one of the most important things, others don't. You can't measure who has more difficulties and it really wouldn't accomplish anything even if we could determine that.

Well, if Asperger's is affiliated in any way with the anorexia I went through a few years ago, I'd say females.

I'm female-bodied but gender-atypical (as in, I feel like I pretty much lack gender altogether). That aside, I agree with those who have said that the original question (i.e., who has it harder) is kind of meaningless and probably the wrong question to be asking if you want genuinely useful discussion/information.

For one thing, while I understand most of society that people on here are familiar with tends to think in terms of a male/female binary, personally for me the very notion of such a binary is so weird and nonsensical that I have to constantly remind myself that others think it's important when dealing with said others.

For another thing, if for the purposes of this discussion I just go ahead and divide people into male-identified and female-identified, I definitely think it depends on what variables you are talking about. I don't think either M or F folks on the spectrum has it harder overall than the other in any kind of quantifiable sense. Really different people are going to say different things based on what they value most.

All that said, from my perspective as someone who is generally identified as female I do think it's worth pointing out that lots and lots of people persist in upholding this "autism is a MALE condition" thing. When really I suspect girls are just way under-diagnosed. But in any case, I have seen this create huge problems in some forums, where basically any female who speaks up gets accused by some guy of "oppressing male autistics". Because, I guess, we're not "representative" enough for their liking. Or something. Seeing that happen repeatedly has led me to figure that if you're female AND autistic you're very likely to have a much harder time being taken seriously than if you were male.

But THAT said, I do think that due to various cultural factors, females on the spectrum probably have an easier time getting into long-term (heterosexual, at least) relationships than males. I don't have any real data to cite on that point, though, just observation.

I'm not sure which is worse. There are alot of variables.

I do have a theory about why the diagnosis stats are so slanted toward men. To use Dnd terms:

Frankly alot of the symtoms that aspies have are the exact things women excel at. Women try harder and excel more at personal relationships and hygiene. Other symptoms like clumbsyness can easily go unnoticed because no one expects us to be jocks.

I wouldn't be surprised if there number of each sex on the spectrum is actually the same, but being female nudges you enough toward 'normal behavior' that you never get evaluated. Me personally, I was labeled a tom boy despite my aversion to dirt and disinterest in sports. (although I did try wrestling. No running or flying objects ftw. It's a shame the boys like to drop you on your head.)

Well I couldn't write too much in the title, because it only allows you to write X amount of letters, but this thread is more of an opinion thread, not a fact thread. I'm just asking which do you think may have it in which areas. Like what I said about the grooming. Girls seem to have to be into hairstyles, fashion, make-up, weight, celebs, and shopping, in order to fit in with other girls (well, apparently it helps), whereas boys can get away with not having to keep up with all this in order to fit in. But boys might have it harder in other areas, for example relationships with girls or something.

I just thought it might be interesting to see what others have come up with, but there seems to be an offense to it.

I found this thread intriguing. I'm a male aspie, and I've sometimes wondered if I would have been happier as a girl. Strangely, it's for some of the same reasons the original poster said that aspie girls have things harder. I don't think I have an answer to the question, but I thought I would try to describe things from the other side.

One of the things I've sometimes envied about females is how close and deep their friendships seem to be. I see girls hugging each other, showing their emotions, and they seem to be talking about how they are really feeling. Boys don't seem to do that.

I hadn't considered that I may have it easier in terms of forming casual friendships. It's true that I can get into a conversation with a guy about ice hockey, and then any time I see him after that, we can just start up the conversation again with "Did you see the game last night?" I don't even have to remember his name (which is good, since I'm so bad with names). I just have to remember "This is the guy that I talk about hockey with," and nothing deeper is required.

But that's also the extent of the relationship's depth-- we share an interest, but we don't really know each other as people. I find that I have a great longing for a friendship in which I can share the things I really care deeply about, where I can truly be myself. And turning an acquaintance into a friendship with that sort of depth seems impossible. I don't expect every friendship to be that close, but it would be nice to have someone. I read in an article once that an aspie girl may have that one very close friend, while an aspie boy is more likely to have zero. Is that true?



It always seemed to me like girls had so many different options about how they wanted to look-- hairstyles, bright colors, jewelry-- there's a lot of room for individuality. Whereas with boys, no one really seems to care that much. Kind of like how at a formal occasion, the women wear every color in the rainbow, but the men wear black and white. It kind of makes me feel boring.

I hadn't really considered that if I were in your position, there would be times when I wouldn't _want_ people to care how I looked. Sure, it would be nice to hear compliments, but people can be very mean, too.

Overall, I think it's probably correct that girls have it tougher in some ways, while boys have it tougher in other ways.

I've met some autistic men (and, weirdly, one autistic woman who does this more intensely than anyone else I've ever met in my life) who seem to have some weird vendetta against all autistic women. They can get downright cruel and bullying about it. I remember when a couple of women were discussing specific issues they'd had, one guy really snidely went "Is this some kind of autistic woman thing?" but he really meant in the end that the autistic women weren't really autistic at all. It was so messed up. At this point I don't trust anyone who has a thing against autistic women, and I mean don't trust them about anything, because I've been burned too many times. And yes, these people were always talking about how women weren't "representative" and were somehow therefore oppressive to men (as if).

I've noticed that too. Men hug women, women hug women, but men don't hug men. God knows why. A gentle but quick hug doesn't harm anyone and doesn't mean they're gay.

See - these strange rules what humans have come up with which involve differences what men and women can and can't do - it gets all confusing. Most NTs seem to learn these rules automatically, from the age of about 5, but people with various NL conditions seem to lack these rules and that's where it's hard for everyone who lacks this ''natural knowledge'' - even some NTs struggle. (OK, I've gone a bit off-topic here)

women and girls on the spectrum deal with alot of sexual abuse, at least that is my experience, due to social cue problems and guys on the spectrum deal with alot of bullying and relationship, or lack there of, problems. I think it is kinda like compairing apples and oranges.
Becides we need unity, not something to divide us like compairing battle scars.

Jojo

NTs get into abusive relationships too. In fact, it's so common.

Women with developmental disabilities are more than twice as likely to be sexually abused than men with developmental disabilities. The numbers I saw included all DDs, but were around 83% of women with DDs, and 35-40% (I forget the exact percentage) of men.

I am not sure what the bullying stats are, but women on the spectrum experience bullying as well.



Of course they do, but this isn't meaningful data on its own. The question isn't a binary, it's "How likely is it for an NT to get into abusive relationships" vs. "How likely is it for an autistic person to get into abusive relationships," and the answer to that question is that autistic people are much more likely than NTs to get into abusive relationships.

Same goes to me. I could build friendships relatively easily, though they were more or less with eccentric people. Finding a mate seemed almost impossible to me just until recently (and I'm almost 38. No kidding.)

I believe finding mate is more connected with (messed up by AS) inner attributes regarding boys (lack of initiative and firmness in the first place), while girls are seductive just the way they are. And I mean it.

Oh I hope not!

I feel that I would have been a lot happier as a male.

I think male. Society has been set up in such a way that the males are the ones acting out for attention from others. This is generally done by being idiots and completely stupid dumb s**ts. Women may have issues on being judged by their own gender but males are judged by both genders more so. This is my experience though, results may vary.

not this again.