"Using" People

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Joined: 7 Dec 2010
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24 Mar 2011, 11:22 pm

dunbots wrote:

Yensid wrote:

I agree with dunbots. That doesn't sound like ASPD. I don't know about histrionic, though. It sounds like the typical Aspie pattern of wanting friends, but getting too involved with special interests to pay attention to them. If anything, I would say it is avoidant personality disorder, but It's probably not a good idea to try to diagnose someone from such a brief description.

Well, making up stories, changing answers, and having a "zig zag" mind is quite histrionic. But you're right, it's hard to tell from so little information.

Also a tendency toward emotionally expressive language that lacks detail, saying things they expect will please others to get more attention, and so on.

Also a love of being the center of attention and sexually expressive/demonstrative behavior.

Verdandi
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24 Mar 2011, 11:24 pm

aspi-rant wrote:

i have been used by an "aspie" for nearly four years...

it turns out that i didn't recognize her extreme borderline (BPD) behavior until she left and started using the next sucker...

i tend to think that she might not have been aspie afterall.

People who have BPD tend to act more out of a fear of abandonment than, say, a Machiavellian desire to manipulate others to use them. If a person with borderline behaviors does everything she can to keep you as a friend it's mostly because she wants to keep you as a friend and doesn't know how to do it in a healthy manner.

That's not to say that people have no right to take care of themselves, but I don't think BPD leads to malice, just a kind of social ineptitude. Unfortunately, a kind of ineptitude that can be quite abusive to others.

ToughDiamond
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25 Mar 2011, 11:04 am

League_Girl wrote:

Quote:

What does using or "using" people mean. When we hire someone to do a task, we are using them.
ruveyn

It means being with someone for the sake of something like lets say someone has a swimming pool, you only go over to their house just so you can use it but yet when they aren't using it and don't want to swim in it, you leave instead because you couldn't swim. You come to their house and they say they don't want to swim, you leave, that is using them.

My pesky neighbor used to come to my house just so he play video games and I was starting to get so sick of it, I started to lock the controllers in my bedroom and make him do what I was doing. He never left my house right when he come over so maybe he wasn't using me.

Yeah I did tell him about it and he said he wasn't using me so that's when I started to lock them in my room. I was enabling it too and then I decided enough. It took me a while to pick up on it was why.

I also wonder if it's possible to not know you are using someone? I have been accused of it before.

If there is only one thing you enjoy doing with someone, are you using them for the sake of that? You would only want to be with them when you both do it.

I guess the key element is deception, actively disguising the true intentions. That would be using somebody good and proper. Anything else is likely to be just insensitivity. When I was 15, the only reason I invited a guy I knew to a recording session was that he had a tape recorder so we could do overdubs using my machine and his. He was furious by the end of the session, because all I'd done was to follow my own agenda. I hadn't tried to dupe him into expecting anything different, because I wasn't aware of anything like that, I just wanted to make the recording, and I had no idea about sharing in those days.

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25 Mar 2011, 4:15 pm

TTRSage wrote:

Aspies tend to be 500 percent genuine and sincere and generally would not even think of using people. That is purely an NT characteristic.

No, it is not purely an NT characteristic. I have been badly used by autistic people in the past. We do not have some kind of corner on ethical behavior. There's an autistic person I have known who used, manipulated, lied, etc. with the best of them, and yet was definitely autistic. She even used her status as autistic to claim to be far more truthful than she was. She drained people dry in ways that had to be seen to be believed.

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