Unintentionally pissing people off and aspergers?

Post Reply New Topic

I unintentionally piss people off all the time but not because I say insulting things to them. I did used to when I was a child because my brain would make an observation and I would say it, not realising that I was saying anything wrong. However this resulted in getting told off a lot so I learnt to keep my observations to myself lol.

In my adult life I more or less piss people off with my continuous rambling about stuff they are not interested in.

I get told to shut up a lot lol.

I also get told off for not responding to people when they speak to me although sometimes I don't think that's all my fault and I don't do it intentionally to be rude or anything. It's just that sometimes people will say something that seems to be more of a statement and which to my mind doesn't require a response like:

"I'm going shopping next thursday"

To which I don't reply and so it goes like this:

"hello are you listening to me...hello, I spoke to you, are you deaf did you hear me"

"yes I heard you"

"well?"

"well what?"

"what did I just say then?"

"you are going shopping next thursday"

"and?"

"and what? That's all you said"

"yes but aren't you going to ask me what I'm going shopping for or where I am going?"

"ok then what are you going shopping for and where are you going..."

Geez lol.

To which i think (but don't say)...fascinating...can i get on with my art now lolololol

*ahem*

Sometimes however i over compensate and try to respond to everything everyone says in case I am being rude by not responding...that gets me the reputation of being an overly talkative person who has to always have the last word instead lol.

One day I will get the balance right lol.

I piss people off sometimes now. I don't talk much anymore. Back in high school and as a kid I pissed people off a lot and when I first started posting online, I seemed to piss off lot of people because I was an easy target for getting bullied and singled out because I was so naive and innocent and it pissed people off. Now it's less now.

I know people get annoyed when I don't get things so I just pretend to get it or don't keep questioning it and that way they think I get it. I do the same with my mother because she also gets pissed about it.

Oh and I mostly say "okay" to pretty much everything just so people know I had heard them.

I don't necessarily piss people off, but I'm unintentionally rude. It leads people to ignore me, which is actually fair: I'm also generally unintentionally ignoring them.

Sometimes I'm completely aware of it, though, but I do it anyway for FSM knows why. I'm a living contradiction.

Being that my ambition is to be a school teacher (and I currently work at a daycare), I try to be as polite and personable as I can. Still, sometimes there's a nagging feeling in the back of my head to speak my mind even when it's obviously not in my best interest to do so. Then again, who of us here hasn't had that urge?

Oh, a distant memory of yore arises, and I remembered: I had a youthful hatred for conformity! Then I became an anti-conformist in the "anti-popular crowd way", but then I laughed it off when I heard someone asked online "Do you conform to anti-conformity?" and realized that independence and rebelliousness were two distinct conceptual subcategories of "anti-conformity".


So, what if I was actually a stereotypical NT this entire time and I was just pretending to possess aspergers (because *I* believed that I had it at the time?)? How would an analysis of this entire situation play out?

Neurotypical Point of View
---------------------------

So, maybe I'm just an NT with rebellious characteristics, poor empathy and deficient intellective attributes (or maybe heavily mismatched intellective attributes, with extremely high in a few categories and relatively poor in other crucial areas such as memory)?

I'm thinking I was pretending to be someone with aspergers on the front page when replying to people's replies as, yeah, that was obviously sarcasm in the second post. I'm thinking I probably did so for humor. But, then torako came along, and I decided to highlight her as the archetypal asperger bully by playing the victim card, and that turned the crowd against her, and then after gaining the crowd's sympathy, I started coming up with come-backs in full vigor as I can usually piss people off when I want and now she thinks I'm "a fundamentally bad person". I might be, though I'm a bit curious how exactly.

But, btw, my first post wasn't out of humor, as I was quite serious about that. However, I suppose some parts might've had a jokey tone... unintentionally. I wonder if unintentionally having a jokey tone is also a symptom of aspergers?
-------------------

What if I actually possessed aspergers? How would a description of this thread play out?


Asperger's Point Of View
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, I spilled out my guts on the first post in a moment of distress having recently accidentally really pissed off another member on the boards.

I actually didn't really know the second post was sarcasm, because the guy was aspie and I didn't think aspies could use sarcasm? (If they can't understand sarcasm, then how could they *effectively* deploy it?) Or, even assuming I thought it was sarcastic, I still had the inkling that it wasn't.

Torako attacks me and I, like a typical aspie, cry foul.

I attempt making comebacks, but they're weak as heck because I'm not really "good at that" because aspies typically aren't, and torako stops responding because she doesn't find them interesting / "taunt-ful" enough to respond to.

And then the rest is history.

--------------

What's the deliberation? I don't know. Could an aspie actually make a description such as the above considering that I'm pretending to be an archetypal "NT" person and pretending being an archetypal "Aspie" person in describing the situation from each's point of view? Hah. Maybe I was just neurotypical all along and I was pretending to be someone with aspergers on the first post (Having genuinely convinced myself of it when I wrote it.)?

I think what really upsets foreman and managers at work is if you come across as a liberator of the working people. Management is all about opression so if you want to get along with managers you have to learn how to be unfair and to opress other people.

I really showed my aspieness with this last week. I was sitting in class, trying to finish my trig test, and of course I'm the last one working, as always. I was deep in thought trying to find the answer for this one problem and I could not get something reasonable, it didn't make any sense. Then the teacher walked by and started hovering over me. She took the test out of my hand, and, frustrated, I thought I politely informed her that I was not finished. She said to see me after class. I had no idea what it was about. I did not think I had done anything wrong. She then proceeded to teach the next lesson, and after I finished the last two problems. As I was getting ready to leave at the end of class, she had the nerve to tell me that I was being disrespectful. All I could think was that if I wanted to be disrespectful, I would have flat out said "I'm being disrespectful towards you". I mean seriously? I haven't been talked down to like that since the second grade. That one incident has still been bothering me. I can't believe she told me that.

I have a deep loathing for authority for various reasons. If this pissed off person is an authority figure--or they act like one-- then I'm pretty sure I'm winding them up on purpose. I can really let my aspie-ness out then because my naturally inquisitive mind takes over and I ask and rebut until the "piss off-ee" is red in the face.

This is usually not worth the trouble in the end. In retrospect, I went too far.... but in the moment it felt GREAT!

On the other hand, if the person is someone that I'm very clumsily trying to get to know, those same exasperating qualities still come out. Then I feel bad. I think.

As far as math class goes most normal teachers and students have accepted the fact a long time ago that when it comes to testing you either know the material or you do not know the material and if you do not know you should be honest enough to admit you do not know. But you try to invent a solution whether it is some higher form of pyramidnometry (tetragonometry) or some exotic form of calculus but in reality you are not being disrespectful because all mathmatic technology was in fact invented by autistic people like Isaac Newton who never had an a priori or complete knowledge of the subject because it had not been invented yet but rather had to resort to faking it to come up with a solution which is called cheating.

This topic is the main reason I first researched Asperger's.

I work as a supervisor at a grocery store and have been getting continually lectured on my condescending tone towards my subordinates. I honestly thought I was being fair and polite all the time. Of course, it doesn't help that the facial expression I use when "coaching" an under-performing worker, which I describe as a "neutral" expression, apparently looks more like a "death glare" (as one of my workers called it).

I am SO in the wrong job...

"If you ask what someone means when they say something, they get exasperated, and those who even stick around complain that you take everything so literally."

This exact phenomenon, asking someone what they mean when a person thinks he has just said what they mean, was pervasive as my son (unrecognized AS at that time) grew up. As a parent, it was very annoying to be challenged again and again as to the meaning of what was being said. Now, however, we recognize AS and are learning more about auditory processing. Our family's journey to discovery and appreciation of AS is documented in [i]"Wait, What Do You Mean?" Asperger's Tell and Show.[/i] The section on auditory processing, as quoted by Aspies, begins on page 155. See at [url=http://www.amazon.com]Amazon.com[/url], or at www.aspergerstellandshow.com

Actually it is the person in power who is literal. For example if a mechanic thinks that you deviated from the letter of the warranty contract he voids the warranty even if you did no damage to your car. So no wonder I ask the mechanic for clarification because I need to protect myself because I cannot afford to pay for expensive repairs. If the mechanic were more reasonable and laid back I would also be more reasonable and laid back.

A neurotypical person knows how to dance with people in power and is aware of the unwritten rules so he does not need additional clarification. For example if a NT person is too cheap to pay a mechanic to do oil changes in order to maintain the warranty he will find out which brand of oil the dealer uses and will buy the dealer oil filter. Of course this is totally illegal because a dealer cannot tell you which brand of oil to use but the NT does this anyway in order to dance with the dealer because out of pride he knows the mechanic will usually never question the qualifications of a do it yourselfer who uses the dealer reccomended oil, filters and cigarettes. (Yes motorcycle shops even sell private label branded beer and cigarettes).

Last week I was walking home from the train station and passed a neighbor's house. She was on her porch leaning out her door smoking a cigarette and said "Hello Cosmic". I was pulling a cart with some groceries behind me. I hadn't seen or spoken to her for a long while and so I joined her on her porch for a cigarette. We got to talking about her kids and mine and various other things. I told her how much it bothered me to have so much opposition from my family when it comes to keeping the house organized because I hate living in chaos. I said "Our front porch is a mess. Nobody puts anything where it belongs and there's crap all over the place." Then I looked around her porch and said "Just like your porch." It just came out. She didn't laugh or even smile. I guess I offended her but I was just telling the truth. She just kind of glared at me and pretty soon she gave me the bum's rush by saying, "Well, bye Cosmic." I would have laughed if the situation was reversed.

And we're supposed to be oversensitive. I see it all the time. It's okay for someone to make snarky comments because I'm "slow" but when I get a dig in, they get all offended. Pfffttt...

The thing is, it wasn't intended to be a dig, or better said, if it was a dig it was an unintentional dig. I wouldn't say something to intentionally hurt someone. It was the truth and it was an observation that her porch was a mess just like mine. She's really a very nice person and pretty straightforward most of the time. That's why her reaction shocked me. If she had been on my porch and after taking a look around said "Damn, your porch is a mess," I probably would have laughed and said "Yeah, tell me about it."


Nevertheless, it's true, I think that most Aspies have a way of ticking people off without meaning to and I'm sure there are some who do it just for kicks or out of shear meanness. Same is true of the "others". Which leads me to this: Why did I feel it was necessary to use a smiling smiley? First I was going to use an and then a but then I thought, no better stick with a smile, don't want to piss anyone off and have them think I'm being snarky.

My brother-in-law is still a little annoyed with me because two summers ago I asked him if he shaved his legs? I was serious. He was wearing shorts and I noticed his legs were hairless and I thought that was odd. I know some cyclists shave their legs so I didn't think it was such a far out question. He really got his feelings hurt and that's the last thing I intended. It's just so hard to know at times what you can say and what you can't.

I seriously LOL'd at that (Well, maybe not "seriously", but significantly anyways.). I think when it's "really obvious" that the person did something, and you ask if they did it, it's assumed you're making fun of them. When you're ridiculing someone over 'sensitive topics', like shaved hair and swimmers / lycras, and speedos and swimmers (Or anything intrinsic to the sub-culture but "embarrassing" in the general public's mind), some sensitive people can get hurt over it. Others who are less sensitive to it will laugh it off (Or come back with a retaliatory comment like "Yes, captain obvious."), it really just depends on the person. Most people, in my experience, tend to be "sensitive".