My diagnosis of Autism came in just the last month, I am 22. My deficits and delays as a baby/child were actually not overlooked, just merely accepted and not researched. I am so thankful for all of the children who get detected early on now, but quite sad that in my case I wasn't, and the huge impact that had/has on my life today. From the start, my parents knew there was something seriously wrong with me, but in a innocent manner they decided to just 'love me as I was' and accepted the fact that I was not normal. They never looked into it like they should have and when I did see therapists, psychologists, and doctors, from age 2 and on, I think the problem was partly due to my lack of communication which they interpreted as being 'shy' and therefore could never agree on a specific diagnosis.
From my earliest memories at age 2 1/2, I felt as if I were in a different world than everybody else. I could see their bodies, and hear their voices in a distant sense, but I felt unable to reach them. And they unable to reach me. My eternal feelings of isolation and frustration come directly from knowing these people were there and not being able to communicate with them, although the desire to be 'included in life' didn't come until I was about 7 and started to talk. My teachers were not very nice nor very patient with me and I often got in trouble for things that were beyond my control. Such as being called 'stubborn' for not interacting with the other children, and being called 'defiant' when I could not use words or gestures to ask for what I wanted. My only real connection to the world was through my sense of touch, which I employed with my feet mainly.
The other diagnoses started at 2 with a Dx of RAD, when I was neither in a neglectful environment nor not attached to my parents. The rest of them came at random; Schizophrenia, Depression, General Anxiety, ADHD, OCD, PTSD w/psychosis, Bipolar, and a very strong suspicion of some sort of personality disorder, among others. So while I do have PTSD from a number of unrelated things, my final and true diagnosis is Autism. The amount of healing and self-love I have gained in just the past few weeks is enormous, just finally knowing why my life was the way it was and why I was the way I was. Everyone keeps telling me they are sorry for having missed it for so long, or in the case of my father feeling guilty, but I guess it is never too late to begin healing and working on my issues that are now known. I can't say I'm happy about being diagnosed so late, but I finally know the people in my life weren't ignoring me as I once thought, but instead they just didn't know which direction to go in.
18 Apr 2011, 8:21 pm
