I'm constantly aware of myself when engaged in a social interaction. One might say I am too self-conscious, so I can't really concentrate on what is said and done, what the others are doing or talking about, because I'm too caught up in trying to analyze my own, and their, behaviour and calculate what to do next, how to do it, how the others will respond etc.
That's why I quickly become very strained and tired when or after hanging out with people, since I can't take it easy and "let it come naturally", I am always on my guard, considering and making presumptions.
But despite all this I have felt, ever since I started school, that I would like to have more contact with others and be able to act more relaxed around it.
Though somehow this is impossible, especially with people my age, because we seem like we're from different worlds sometimes(like I'm from "the wrong planet"
or maybe they are...)...we don't think or do the same, and the way I am differs so much from the way they are that it's sometimes lika an invisble wall is separating us.
I can have a really good time with others, and they can hugely enjoy my company as well, but when it comes to social life in school it's more of a struggle. Over the years I can at least say that my social capabilities, and also desire to be with others, have grown and become better. Well, but there are days when I feel I might give up trying to interact with my classmates completely, that the battle is too hard for me to fight, each day. Still, I believe the situation is brightening up, bit by bit 