Guys, you need to stop blaming your aspergers

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The vast majority of people with AS use it as an excuse for every failure in their life? What gives you that idea? Seems like pure speculation to me. From what I've seen posted by the majority of adults here, most people are accepting of their limitations but still continue to find ways of working around them.

I tend to agree with Z. There is definently an aspergers 'sub culture'.. I'd never heard the term 'aspie' before.. or the derogatry term 'NT'. Some people even define themselves as being an aspie.. they seem to wear it as a badge of honour. I don't see it as something to be ashamed of but I have been told off for reffering to autism as a 'disability'.. big no-no. I find it very interesting from an athropological point of view.. a group so different from every one else that they have distignuished themsleves as a minority group.. even though having aspergers is meant to lend an element of indiviuality and isolation; 'aspies' have still herded themselves in typical human style. It seems to be a very natural thing to do.

Hugo - I agree. I think far too many people here use AS as an excuse for human problems.

I tried to make a point of this by saying:

"I have 2 eyes on my face.. damn, it must be because of my AS".

Well ... growing up not knowing anything about AS or autism in general, I guess I found all kinds of other things to blame everything on, eh.? Thank goodness for getting drunk, being stupid, being too young to give a damn, and finding inspired ways to locate scapegoats to blame all my shortcomings on outside myself.

Actually, I was taught to take personal responsibility for my own actions, and not to allow other peoples' differences to cloud my judgement of them. I was also taught to "LOOK people in the EYE when you talk" if you want to be taken seriously. Loud noises and bright lights and sharing things with other people and bad smells and itchy things and the need to find my own way were part of life. Do I want to live a full life, loaded with challenges, mystery and intrigue or hide away in a cave and keep myself safe from my fears? I was not allowed the safety of 'my cave' when I was a kid, very often. I became an adult in a time when 'mental illness' (that's what everything that made coping difficult was called. People had mental or nervous breakdowns when life became more than they could handle) or personal difficulties was the LAST thing you wanted to blame things on. NOBODY wanted to have a 'mental' stigma associated with their behaviors.

In truth, when I found out about HFA/AS/PDD 4 years ago (I'm still studying), I was relieved to know that there was a reason for being a little different from the rest of the people I knew, but I never found my challenges to be weaknesses, rather I always viewed my differences as strengths. I have an advantage over those who are oblivious to their environment. Obviously I've led a charmed life in some ways and I'm rich (not money!) with diverse life experiences. The more I explored my autism and tried to re-analyze my past the more I realize that I would have never done many of the things I've done without a constant challenge to push my way through.

I've known lots of 'regular' people who are so bloody boring that I can't imagine why they have suvived ... to do what? ... to go where? ... to make which discoveries? ... to help who? I'll never be famous, but I will leave behind people who wonder about how I had so much drive, internal peace, and balance. ....... and most people will never know how much that garbage they had for lunch 3 hours ago offends my olfactory sense. That's MY problem, not theirs.

I see the premise of this thread as pure BS in my case. Of course, I'm biased.

While I am employed full time and have been for most of my life and plan on continuing to work I can not say that AS has not seriously effected my career. I see those around my that are promoted and honered for being able to relate to people and to work with others freely and even enjoy that work. I have gotten promotions and advanced but I have to force myself to work in groupes and with others I am seen as somthing as a loner. I try very hard to be understanding of others faults and weaknesses but I fail at this most of the time. Example I and others am tasked with a project. We work till our official time to go home and get close to finishing the project I try to get everyone to stay 30 mins. to an hour late and finish but no they have things to do. I stay an extra 2-3 hours and finish by myself knowing that if we wait till tommorrow that it will take those 2-3 hours just to get everyone back together again and get started.
The next morning the project is finished when everyone arrives thats good right? Wrong the boss is mad because I did everything myself and did not include the group the group thinks I am trying to exclude them and brown nose so although the project is finished everyone is pissed off and it takes the rest of the day to get everyone back together and start a new project.
I am not seeking credit I never brag to the boss that I had to stay and finish all by my self I never belittle anyone that can not stay and yet everyone gets pissed.
Meanwhile another group that takes twice as long to produce but every one gets along is consantly praised for their work.

(This is something else I wanted to say when I posted earlier, but didn't have the time to write it. Sorry for the long post, but I couldn't make it shorter and keep it clear, and I wanted to be understood. If its too long, skip the big middle paragraph)

I agree with your point that people should not just make excuses about why they failed. Or reason that the failure was due to a problem that they do have, when actually they didn't make the most of what they can do. I.e. blaming dyslexia for failing a test when you didn’t actually revise at all.

Plenty of people so far have rebuked you by saying that AS is a part of us. I agree. No one is “normal”. A hypothetical normal does exist and some people are much closer to it than others, but no-one is quite there. Most people do not get a fancy name for their abnormalities, because they are either not extreme enough or they are the only person different in quite that way. We Aspies get a name for our abnormalities both because there is enough of us, and also because we are extreme enough to make it worth while. The point being that our AS is a part of us just like someone who doesn’t have a fancy name for some of their personality trends. AS is a part of us exactly the same as our natural abilities are innate parts of us. Someone who is not good at Maths, who fails a Maths test would probably think to his/herself “oh well, I’m just not that gifted in Maths”. That person should still revise for that test, do what they can with their limited Maths ability. But the point remains that they are simply not that good at Maths, even though they can improve that with effort.

In the same way that AS encompasses lots of personality traits, it also normally grants us an aptitude in certain fields, and leaves us lacking in others. Unfortunately for us, the fields we are lacking in are often required to demonstrate our true abilities. That is to say that we are bad at communication. Someone already said this more concisely than I can so:

Kinda funny I thought the fact that HugoBlack has seen a pysychologist for 8
years would have explained his point of veiw and ended this thread.

The primary feature of AS that will cause problems in life is the neurological based
impairment in learning social skills.

Hmm I wonder what kinda of inntensive skills HugoBlack was learning from his
8 years at the pyschologist?

Sure if a person learn they have asperger at a young age and live in system or have
a family that has the money to get help they can over-come many social problems.

I love it when people tell me its my choice(and others people choice) to fail in life.
I have the best excuse in the world to fail. There is NO FREE WILL.

Another issue came up on aspie being over weight(in a past thread) Well I'm skinny and many
others said they were skinny. But thats not the point some of the same people
supporting HugoBlack now said that being over-weight is merely a choice or
a character flaw. Lets say their right people are over weight or social impaired by
a simple choice. One poster called it a like of "testicular fortitude". I guess a nicer
way to put is(since women are non-testicular) is the "lack of will power". If people
have free will and they have a "lack of will power" to solve issue in their lives
do you really think your words are going to give them that "will power"? Do you
honestily think your helping anyone?

i don't blame it.
it would be easier for me to function in the world though if i didn't have it. and i think there are three levels of AS people have, some people lean more twords the autistic side some are right in the middle, and some are on the outer fringes, who can easily function in sociaty. just grouping everyone together without knowing there situation seems a little dumb on you're part to me.

I have never blamed Asperger's Syndrome for My own failings. I did not even know about Asperger's Syndrome until I was diagnosed with it at age 41 in July 2004. I never blame even My Cerebral Palsy I was diagnosed with that at age 3. I have never used any diagnosis to fault My Life in any way shape or form.

I believe that the majority here would and have said just that. We all have some problems in Our lives, but what matters is how We use Our strengths and weakness to live Our lives in the end. That is what truly matters for Us all nothing more or less than that.

Some people here may have more to get over for what has happened in their lives that though is not their fault. We all have things that affect Our lives and We try in the best way to get over it and move on in Our lives.

All humans work that way people with AS or NT for that is what is call being Human in the end.

I just see AS as a label for the way my brain is. It's not something that controls me, it's just a label for how I am.

When I first knew about AS, I sort of misunderstood it and thought it was something that controlled me. Now it just seems like a label for the way your brain is. The label is something I need because most people aren't willing to make adjustments for me unless I have a label on me.

"OMG it's a hot day, why are you wearing cotton pants under the jeans?"

"Those jeans feel really uncomfortable for me"

"Stop being a p**** and get used it to"

"It doesn't matter how mentally tolerant I am to wearing jeans, it's not like I can program my brain to enjoy the feeling. I can't desensitize my nerves either"

"Then how come I can wear jeans with no cotton pants?'

"Because my nerves aren't the same as yours?"

"No, you're just a p****"

"I have Asperger's Syndrome. People who have AS are usually sensitive to things"

"Oh, sorry."

No pun intended. By "sensitive to things", I don't mean being sensitive to being called a p****. For some reason, even if you try to explain things without saying that you have AS, people just don't get it and dismiss what you say.