ever wish you were deaf?

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No, I wouldn't want to be deaf.

I often wish I was dead, but not deaf.

I used to wish I was hard of hearing when i was a little girl. I had a picture book of a HOH girl who got hearing aids, and she could turn them off when things got too loud. I thought that was the best thing ever.

I don't anymore. Deaf culture is really cool and all, but I think I have enough challenges already.

Almost a decade ago, before I knew for sure that i was on the spectrum, before I understood much about sensory defensiveness and before I realized how I could manage sensory issues to some degree, I was deaf for a month. I'd had a cold or flu, ended up with double ear aches that the doctor said were just, "swimmer's ear" despite me telling them the pain was not in the outer ear at all. Two days later my eardrums burst.

Looking back, it was amazing. When they were nearly healed I realized that if it had been something permanent I could learn to adapt. The two big things I missed were verbal communication (messed up as mine was/is) and sounds like the wind and rain. But I also realized that I could learn to lipread as I already use lips for timing signals and I could learn ASL.

At first, I was amazed at how people treated me. They could not wrap their heads around the idea that I could not hear them & so did not, could not, would not adapt. Why, it was as if - in some social situations - those NT people had no Theory of Mind at all...

I've noticed that earplugs - even rudimentary ones made of tissue paper - help to damp down the shrill, strident noises that bother me so much. As the downside is that I can't then easily hear the things I want to hear, I've been wondering if it would be good to have a combination of some really comfy earplugs and a high-quality hearing aid. If it could be done well enough, it would be like having a volume control for my ears, which is something I've always wanted.