why stop socializing just b/c u got Aspergers?

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Tuttle
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05 Aug 2012, 12:17 pm

You mentioned him being social in school. And him not being social now and him not being in school.

Was that the cutoff? Was he social until he graduated high school and then he stopped being social not long off?

Some of us are effectively "social because of convenience". When people are around we're social. When they're not, we're not. When there isn't school to make there be a social life, there isn't a social life.

Also asocial != antisocial.



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05 Aug 2012, 12:18 pm

Just because someone appears to have a "normal" life growing up doesn't mean they don't have AS. I appeared normal until I was 14, I wasn't diagnosed until I was 15. Especially if you're high functioning, you're intelligence helps you emulate normality, when really inside you just don't get it, and quite often in your teens is where it all catches up with you. I completely broke down when I was a teen and tbh after I was diagnosed I didn't want to socialise any more because I knew I was different and knew people were picking up on it. I was ashamed of it. It might not change some peoples perspective, attitude, and opinions on who they are but it definitely changed mine.



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05 Aug 2012, 12:48 pm

At school, people pretty much had no choice but to socialise. Whereas, they can now decide not to socialise.

Well, not so much choice or decide to.



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05 Aug 2012, 1:36 pm

Well, I've never been social. When I was younger I didn't know how and now I just don't care. I've seen through the NT world and now how ridiculous the social rules are and I don't want anything to do with it.



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05 Aug 2012, 1:48 pm

For many years I tried to force myself to socialize- but even if I didn't fail most of the time it was boring and, well, forced

then I learned that I am autistic and everything got a little clearer

but I stopped socializing a long time before I learned what exactly ASD is
if your brother didn't renounce social life even though he was already in college then either he is more persistent then me, or he's forcing it now



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05 Aug 2012, 2:17 pm

Heidi80 wrote:
Well, I've never been social. When I was younger I didn't know how and now I just don't care.


Same. I am only social due to interests.



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05 Aug 2012, 2:18 pm

My new pet peeve- People who use "antisocial" to describe us. Never thought I would replace people who don't know the difference between they're, their, and there but "antisocial" is pretty f'in annoying.



nrau
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05 Aug 2012, 2:25 pm

Rascal77s wrote:
My new pet peeve- People who use "antisocial" to describe us. Never thought I would replace people who don't know the difference between they're, their, and there but "antisocial" is pretty f'in annoying.


but, kind sir, most of autistic people are antisocial
due to their past experience



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05 Aug 2012, 2:45 pm

nrau wrote:
Rascal77s wrote:
My new pet peeve- People who use "antisocial" to describe us. Never thought I would replace people who don't know the difference between they're, their, and there but "antisocial" is pretty f'in annoying.


but, kind sir, most of autistic people are antisocial
due to their past experience


Where did you get that idea?



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05 Aug 2012, 2:55 pm

nrau wrote:
Rascal77s wrote:
My new pet peeve- People who use "antisocial" to describe us. Never thought I would replace people who don't know the difference between they're, their, and there but "antisocial" is pretty f'in annoying.


but, kind sir, most of autistic people are antisocial
due to their past experience

You're joking right?



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05 Aug 2012, 3:05 pm

<Cough> I think they are using "Anti-social" as in distant & not social, not as in "Sociopath" unless I read that wrong.
For me, its always been off & on. Had a circle of friends in Grade School, very few in HS ( NOt helped by Family constantly moving!), several friends & a fair amount of partying in college (after my first year, that is). It varied, but one thing remained constant, I only had friends I was introduced to or who approached me. I have *NEVER* been able to just walk up to someone at a party & start chatting or iniate a new friendship. Same with all (3) of my former girlfriends. (meaning I did occasionally do social things & made some mostly failed attempts at romance). I recently found that this is typical of those with HFA. I just cannot make friends at all anymore. Fortunately, I have most of my old friends on Facebook, but my only socializing these days is by mdem. This has been true since 1988 onward.
Because your brother was seemed able to socialize does not mean he was the one choosing to do it! This does NOT RULE OUT AS/HFA.

Sincerely,
Matthew



nrau
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05 Aug 2012, 3:11 pm

Wandering_Stranger wrote:
nrau wrote:
Rascal77s wrote:
My new pet peeve- People who use "antisocial" to describe us. Never thought I would replace people who don't know the difference between they're, their, and there but "antisocial" is pretty f'in annoying.


but, kind sir, most of autistic people are antisocial
due to their past experience


Where did you get that idea?


well, naturally, if individual x is rejected over and over again and can't find a common ground with other people he grows distanced and antisocial



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05 Aug 2012, 3:22 pm

nrau wrote:
Wandering_Stranger wrote:
nrau wrote:
Rascal77s wrote:
My new pet peeve- People who use "antisocial" to describe us. Never thought I would replace people who don't know the difference between they're, their, and there but "antisocial" is pretty f'in annoying.


but, kind sir, most of autistic people are antisocial
due to their past experience


Where did you get that idea?


well, naturally, if individual x is rejected over and over again and can't find a common ground with other people he grows distanced and antisocial


The correct term is asocial.

The proper psychological meaning of antisocial is doing things like starting fires, tearing down electric poles, and other things that work against society. That is what is meant by antisocial personality disorder, for example.



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05 Aug 2012, 3:26 pm

beneficii wrote:
nrau wrote:
Wandering_Stranger wrote:
nrau wrote:
Rascal77s wrote:
My new pet peeve- People who use "antisocial" to describe us. Never thought I would replace people who don't know the difference between they're, their, and there but "antisocial" is pretty f'in annoying.


but, kind sir, most of autistic people are antisocial
due to their past experience


Where did you get that idea?


well, naturally, if individual x is rejected over and over again and can't find a common ground with other people he grows distanced and antisocial


The correct term is asocial.

The proper psychological meaning of antisocial is doing things like starting fires, tearing down electric poles, and other things that work against society. That is what is meant by antisocial personality disorder, for example.


No, no, no. I meant that after some time the autistic people start hating normals. And that's expectable since these two types of people are so different, that it would be weird if they didn't feel at least some kind of mutual dislike-especially if autistics have personal reasons to hate NTs.
Of course, I don't know every single autistic person in the world. And I'm pretty sure that many force themselves not to be antisocial out of fear of being labeled "sociopath" or worse. But that doesn't change the fact that, logically speaking, there is nothing wrong with people on the spectrum being antisocial-it's to be expected.



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05 Aug 2012, 3:31 pm

nrau wrote:
Rascal77s wrote:
My new pet peeve- People who use "antisocial" to describe us. Never thought I would replace people who don't know the difference between they're, their, and there but "antisocial" is pretty f'in annoying.


but, kind sir, most of autistic people are antisocial
due to their past experience

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/asocial
Quote:
asocial (comparative more asocial, superlative most asocial)
1. not social
2. not sociable
3. (colloquial) (proscribed) antisocial

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Appendix: ... colloquial
Quote:
colloquial — Denotes words or expressions that likely arose via casual conversational language, and are likely to be used primarily in casual conversation rather than in more formal written works, speeches, and discourse.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-social_behaviour
Quote:
Anti-social behavior (with or without hyphen) is behaviour that lacks consideration for others and may cause damage to the society, whether intentionally or through negligence.

So, "antisocial"(used in casual conversational language) and "antisocial behaviour" are two very different things.
Casually, "antisocial" just means "not social", while "antisocial behaviour" means "lacks consideration for others and may cause damage to the society, whether intentionally or through negligence".

Disclaimer: I was also under the impression that people confused asocial and antisocial, but it seems antisocial (used casually, not formally) actually means asocial.


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AQ: 42/50 || SQ: 32/80 || IQ(RPM): 138 || IRI-empathytest(PT/EC/FS/PD): 10(-7)/16(-3)/19(+3)/19(+10) || Alexithymia: 148/185 || Aspie-quiz: AS 133/200, NT 56/200


Rascal77s
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05 Aug 2012, 4:52 pm

Blownmind wrote:
nrau wrote:
Rascal77s wrote:
My new pet peeve- People who use "antisocial" to describe us. Never thought I would replace people who don't know the difference between they're, their, and there but "antisocial" is pretty f'in annoying.


but, kind sir, most of autistic people are antisocial
due to their past experience

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/asocial
Quote:
asocial (comparative more asocial, superlative most asocial)
1. not social
2. not sociable
3. (colloquial) (proscribed) antisocial

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Appendix: ... colloquial
Quote:
colloquial — Denotes words or expressions that likely arose via casual conversational language, and are likely to be used primarily in casual conversation rather than in more formal written works, speeches, and discourse.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-social_behaviour
Quote:
Anti-social behavior (with or without hyphen) is behaviour that lacks consideration for others and may cause damage to the society, whether intentionally or through negligence.

So, "antisocial"(used in casual conversational language) and "antisocial behaviour" are two very different things.
Casually, "antisocial" just means "not social", while "antisocial behaviour" means "lacks consideration for others and may cause damage to the society, whether intentionally or through negligence".

Disclaimer: I was also under the impression that people confused asocial and antisocial, but it seems antisocial (used casually, not formally) actually means asocial.


Antisocial doesn't describe people who want to have relationships with other but are unable no matter how you define the word. There's a difference between having no desire to interact with people and not being able to because it is too difficult or painful. In my experience most people who have an ASD aren't against social interaction, they just suck at it and are often depressed by their inability to form relationships. We can debate the definition all day but whether formal or casual it's not accurate.