Did your parents compare you to other kids?

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My parents have been good about not comparing me to others. My two older brothers messed up far worse than I did, and by the time I was an adolescent, I guess my parents were too tired to criticize.

my dad did this when i was growing up and still does this whenever he opens that big mouth of his to say something to push my buttons.
when I was younger, he would say "You'll never be a famous singer!"(this was b/c a wanted to be a singer someday and I was very talented at it too but he just couldn't see it) when auditions in Seattle for "American Idol" came around when I was about 17 this was followed by "We only thought of taking you there so you can get laughed at by the judges!"
So I wanted to go to college his excuse for this one "Wait until you have a job."
I wanted to have a family someday (still do) What did he say this time? "You can't! You're epileptic and autistic. You might die." this was eventually followed by him pressuring me into getting sterilized.
And it wasn't just him it was his current wife too. I remember when I objected to the possibility of living in a group home she said "You don't know that. They could all like American idol." (We don't all have the same interests) when I objected to living with a lesbian in a roommate situation (i was touched inappropriately by one who went to my middle school) she said "You could have a gay guy as your roommate (laughter)" I don't see how that's funny seeing as all I've known from being a christian was that being gay was a sin
My dad also has a history of belittling me saying my mentality is that of an 7 or 8 year old and that I need someone to check on me b/c "I can't take care of myself" (Good Lord in Heaven ppl! I pay my bills I pay my rent I'm good with money! I get up and get dressed when I need to go out, I cook my own food, wash my own clothes, do my own dishes and clean my own place when the housekeeper YOU hired FOR ME- because according to YOU my place was SO DIRTY!-isn't here, try to go places if the weather's nice, and when I had a volunteer job I went to that so I don't need a bloody guardian or to move into a freakin group home! I'M HAPPY HERE!! AND IF I HEAR ANYMORE OF IT I'LL PACK UP AND MOVE TO ARKANSAS AND LIVE THERE WITH MOM AND HER FAMILY!!-Sorry if I ranted, I just don't like my dad saying this kind of stuff. it makes me sick! )

Yes. My mom told me I should go to school because the other kids did, yet she wouldn't let me do all kinds of harmless junk because "If those kids jumped off a cliff would you too?" No of course not, now let me stay home, and draw, surf the web, or read a book. Learn a hell of a lot more from it than that hell hole. Can't concentrate in class when all these dorks are tryna socialize and the teachers too tired to even engage my interest.

To me it was mostly my father (along with other demanding uncles, aunts, and my grandmother). In the older days when I was younger, they did it a lot especially during high school when those years are crucial before going to college (preferably Ivy League). My dad would say, "Look at [Marla Jones*]! She has a 4.0 GPA and is a member of National Honor Society. I bet her parents are proud of her. I wish I was her dad!" And then he would talk on and on about how I was dishonoring the family name by not succeeding in school.

These days, it's better because my dad perceives me as more independent and I am less dependent on him, which lessens their leverage over me.

My granny would also compare me to my younger brother who is obviously an NT. He was popular and has had lots of GFs and now he is married with a daughter. Meanwhile, I am still co dependent and currently unemployed. She would talk about how much of an incompetent idiot I was. Of course being a passive person (not sure if it's necessarily connected to AS), I was never assertive, an initiator, or that focused on doing what I should be doing. My brother would also point out my weirdness, how nobody liked me, and how much of a "puzzy" I am for not talking girls I liked. I harbored that grudge against him for many years and somehow was frustrated about I was cheated out of a "normal life" because I was witnessing concrete proof of what normal life.

It took many years to get over this and I am still battling self esteem issues but somehow I was better because of it.

Mine never compared me to other kids.

No. They always tell me that life is not a race, and that I'll figure it out on my own time.

Oh, yeah. The memories. Still to this day occasionally.

Mine suffer from what I like to call; "Selective Understanding".

They'd try to make me feel like $#it when it was convenient for them... or their feeling are hurt from misunderstanding. Then I'd get "You're acting like so and so". Uh, no. Not acting like anyone. Too much shooting through my mind from over-stim to put that much thought into my tone of voice, body language, etc.

Sb used to say I am rubbish if I get grades less than A.
Now, rubbish has evolved into bastard, useless sxxx and the like.
Remember, this is Taiwan, extreme education at its extreme.

Sure, many times. For example - the first one that comes to my mind when I'm thinking about this - mother and gran used to compare me - always eating very, very little - to my two cousins who were always eating everything that was put on ther plates. Or when in 6th grade my school marks got worse, mother was really angry that "all the other kids were always worse than me and now they are better".

I have a cousin who's the same age as I am, so we pretty much grew up together. When we were in elementary and middle school, she made top marks, while I was barely passing. I caught up in high school, and the opposite is true now that we're in college, but when I was a kid, my mom would always say, "Why can't you get good grades like Jessica?" My cousin also makes friends easily because she's outgoing, so there's that, too. She goes home from school more often and spends more time with her family than I do. They go on outings and eat at restaurants. I don't like going out much, and my mom goes on about how we're not making any memories together.

I sort of did. If I ever saw other children who knew me at places like school fetes, I used to say hello and make small talk, then go back to my mum and cling to her, and she was all like, ''I wish you would go off with those girls you just saw!''
And once when I was about 15, I was with my family in a busy shopping mall, and a girl from my class came upto me, and I said a few words then went quiet. I think it was because my family were sitting there and I felt embarrassed to have a conversation with her (I think this was when my Social Phobia started, which is partly being afraid of speaking up in conversations with others out of the conversation might be listening). And so later that day my mum was like, ''you didn't seem that friendly to that girl who came upto you today. I could see she wanted to chat with you.'' Then there was another time when I was a teenager when I was sitting indoors one hot summer evening, annoying my mum, and she soon said, ''I wish you were out with friends, like others of your age are!''

All of these made me feel bad about myself, but I think all mums are like that with their children, especially when their children are hanging round their feet then they are likely to find something to criticise about.

I don't recall anytime that my parents compared to me any other kids when I was growing up. The only thing I heard sometimes was when Mom thought I might want to do something because the other kids were doing it---like going to the local pool or playing ball.

Mine used to do that with school friends and stuff, my mum would rave about my old best friend Sarah and go on about how polite and stuff she was, and would tell me I should be more like her. I was compared to my girl best friends all the time.

me too

Yes, all the time. My mother lamented that I wasn't like her friend's daughter, whom she called Cinderella because she liked to clean and smile and be a people-pleaser.

I also have a female cousin born the same day / year as I was, and both my parents used to rave about how incredible she was. They said it was hard to believe we were born the same day because my cousin was always so accomplished, sociable and outgoing.

Come to think of it, my mother commented again just yesterday that her friends' daughters don't have the same issues I do, and that they are more capable overall.

Often. They especially compared me to other kids who were more active, more ambitious, and more attractive than I.

Last edited by Fnord on 30 Aug 2019, 10:50 am, edited 1 time in total.