sweetpraline wrote:
When you were growing up did your parents compare you to other kids. This question is especially for aspies who parents don't know about or understand AS or Autism.
When I was growing up my parents, espeically my father, was always comparing me to other kids. Whether it was a neighbor's kid, cousin, or sibling. My parents would say, "Sweetpraline, why can't you be more like Sally Sue, she's more popular than you." It's not just popularity. I got compared to other kids based on grades and other things.
When I became a teenager I got into an argument with my father because I had finally got sick and tired of him comparing me to other kids. I told my father, "I'm tired of you comparing me to other kids. I can't be like any of those other kids. All I can do is be me. You talk so highly about everybody else's kid but your own. You talk about them like they are better than me."
Well my father told me "Well you being you is not good enough. And if you want to know the truth, those other kids are better than you."
When he told me that, I was so mad. I stormed out of the house and slammed the door so hard. Because if I had stayed there, I would have done something to that man. It took me about 5 or 6 hours before I cooled down enough to go home. And after that I didn't speak to him for over 2 months. We would just pass each other in the house and wouldn't say a word to one another.
So if any of you have had problems with your parents comparing you to other kids, please share your experience.
To me it was mostly my father (along with other demanding uncles, aunts, and my grandmother). In the older days when I was younger, they did it a lot especially during high school when those years are crucial before going to college (preferably Ivy League). My dad would say, "Look at [Marla Jones*]! She has a 4.0 GPA and is a member of National Honor Society. I bet her parents are proud of her. I wish I was her dad!" And then he would talk on and on about how I was dishonoring the family name by not succeeding in school.
These days, it's better because my dad perceives me as more independent and I am less dependent on him, which lessens their leverage over me.
My granny would also compare me to my younger brother who is obviously an NT. He was popular and has had lots of GFs and now he is married with a daughter. Meanwhile, I am still co dependent and currently unemployed. She would talk about how much of an incompetent idiot I was. Of course being a passive person (not sure if it's necessarily connected to AS), I was never assertive, an initiator, or that focused on doing what I should be doing. My brother would also point out my weirdness, how nobody liked me, and how much of a "puzzy" I am for not talking girls I liked. I harbored that grudge against him for many years and somehow was frustrated about I was cheated out of a "normal life" because I was witnessing concrete proof of what normal life.
It took many years to get over this and I am still battling self esteem issues but somehow I was better because of it.