Do you find it hard to be nice?

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23 Oct 2011, 6:15 pm

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:

From what I can tell, your success comes down to location and the overall culture prevailing where you are at. Based on what I have seen, some places are nicer than others. If you are someplace where niceness is valued and the standard for interacting with society, your niceness will be accepted and valued by others. It will be reciprocated and the experience will be satisfactory. If you live someplace where people are tough and mean, your nice demeanor will be mistaken for weakness and you might not be respected and may be taken advantage of. You will feel as if being scrappy is the only way to stay afloat. Some places resemble WWF more than others and how can someone be nice in a place like that and survive?

Are you saying that your rough-and-tough, louder-is-better-neighborhood is responsible for your niceness being devalued and that's why your niceness gets taken advantage of?

Come on, now. There are constants in human civilization that pervade all cultures (At least in America).

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23 Oct 2011, 7:29 pm

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:

I agree with you.
That's why I'm only nice to people who are nice to me. I'm certainly not going to be nice to people who treat me bad and I don't take crap from anybody! I don't accept it if people think that they can walk all over me, but I have to admit that it's more pleasurable to be kind and friendly than to be bitchy. But the world doesn't work that way. Nastyness rules on this planet, what a shame. Just to be clear, I don´t mean this forum (Wrong planet) but the world we all live in.

Icyclan
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23 Oct 2011, 9:19 pm

swbluto wrote:

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:

...You're in for a rude awakening.

To answer your original question: it makes no difference whether I'm nice or not, I can't get along with people either way. Sooner or later things turn sour. I'm a very argumentative person and I will not budge in discussions where I'm in the right. NTs often don't seem to be able to seperate facts from opinions, and my uncompromising stance is what pushes people away from me. That's fine with me though, I'd rather be right than liked.

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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23 Oct 2011, 9:42 pm

swbluto wrote:

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:

That is exactly what I am saying. Social skills are relative to a population and vary from place to place.

One thing I notice about cities, people are friendlier and more willing to talk to people they don't know but there's other problems, like higher crime rates. Seems like it's a trade off.

swbluto
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23 Oct 2011, 9:46 pm

Icyclan wrote:

swbluto wrote:

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:

...You're in for a rude awakening.

Lol, and why's that? People are people pretty much no matter where you go. Sure, some cultures may be more friendly, nice or more "open" than others, but how you're treated depends an awful lot on you and going somewhere different really isn't going to change much.

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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23 Oct 2011, 10:29 pm

SWbluto, what you should do is travel and see for yourself.

Ganondox
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23 Oct 2011, 10:35 pm

I've lived in Brazil and the US, and I can say from first hand experience that the people in Brazil are A LOT friendlier than the people in the US. They are also obnoxiously social, and drink too much.

swbluto
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23 Oct 2011, 10:38 pm

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:

SWbluto, what you should do is travel and see for yourself.

Lol, I've lived in Missouri, Texas, California and Washington and in all four, there was a subtle but definite sense of alienation that became more apparent with time suggesting there are fundamental personality traits that influence ones interactions in a consistent way in most American cultures.

i.e., to put it more bluntly, someone who's a certain type of aspie is going to be ignored and/or walked over and/or manipulated everywhere regardless if they're "nice" or "mean" or whatever their personality traits may be. Someone who's a certain type of neurotypical will easily fit in no matter where they go, whether they be "nice" or "mean" or whatever their personality traits are.

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23 Oct 2011, 10:42 pm

swbluto wrote:

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:

SWbluto, what you should do is travel and see for yourself.

Lol, I've lived in Missouri, Texas, California and Washington and in all four, there was a subtle but definite sense of alienation that became more apparent with time suggesting there are fundamental personality traits that influence ones interactions in most cultures.

i.e., to put it more bluntly, someone who's a certain type of aspie is going to be ignored and/or walked over and/or manipulated everywhere regardless if they're "nice" or "mean" or whatever their personality traits may be. Someone who's a certain type of neurotypical will easily fit in no matter where they go, whether they be "nice" or "mean" or whatever their personality traits are.

Those are all in the US, the culture is pretty much the same throughout the US. After moving to Brazil I've flourished socially, probably because the people forced me to be social and I've learned a lot.

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24 Oct 2011, 9:35 am

Ganondox wrote:

I've lived in Brazil and the US, and I can say from first hand experience that the people in Brazil are A LOT friendlit er than the people in the US. They are also obnoxiously social, and drink too much.

I am fascinated by the USA but compared to Holland (where I come from) I perceive the USA as a tough and conservative society and I'm allergic to conservatism. Not exactly the ideal place for people who are a little different. But on the other hand, I have never been to America so what do I know.

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24 Oct 2011, 9:47 am

i don't find it hard to be nice but i know it's not always how i feel, i just think that my sense of fairness says not to do something to someone else that i wouldn't like done to me. I remember a lot of what happens to me in my life, i can remember an awful lot by anyones standards, how could i treat someone badly when i remember exactly what i felt like when it happened to me? All the times people havent been interested in what i have to say, all the times people have snapped at me, all the times ive been treated unfairly just reinforce the wrongness of not being nice/interested/patient with people. Ha, within reason, i still have hfa, i do try though and my i wouldn't like to ever stop trying.

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24 Oct 2011, 9:57 am

I find it hard to not be nice. Thus why I can never say no :roll:

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24 Oct 2011, 10:02 am

Simonono wrote:

I find it hard to not be nice. Thus why I can never say no :roll:

But what do you do when people if people don't treet you well? Do you stand up for yourself, do you get angry with them or what?

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24 Oct 2011, 10:04 am

I can't be nice to a total jerk, but I can be nice to someone who really deserves kindness.

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Vale
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24 Oct 2011, 10:29 am

I really like being nice. Maybe your just a bad person...

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24 Oct 2011, 10:33 am

“Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant with the weak and wrong. Sometime in your life, you will have been all of these.”
― Siddhārtha Gautama

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