Explain the social problems

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Right. It isn't that simple. It is very complex, and made even harder to understand by the fact that each of us, though we exist within the spectrum, are unique in our Autism. Hey, it's hard for us to understand it at first even though we live it. It's even harder from what I've seen for anyone who doesn't have it. I know professionals who deal with Autistic kids daily who think they understand it, and do understand it better than most NT's, but do not understand it as well as they would like to think.



It can be both, but sometimes we have nothing to say just because we are already tired from processing so much, and much of that time, not doing so well at it. Eventually, I just don't want to deal with it anymore. Sometimes though, it's just that the topic isn't what I'm into. Start talking sports, and I'm looking for the door right away.

Pretty much. Yes. But we can, and do for the most part, learn to develop ways to process that allow us to appear to fit in well. Again though, that takes tremendous effort. Even after learning some skills, we can tire of using them to the point of "reverting" or forgetting to use them, or maybe we're just so tired we choose to turn it all off. Whatever the reason, at times even well-adapted adults can suddenly start responding in ways that might seem out of sorts for them if you didn't know they were Autistic.

Btbnnyy or other, would you like to answers this question? I dont think i have others after that.

I will, but only to say that there are probably as many answers to this as there are Autistics. It's different for each one of us. Though some may experience some of the same things, the complete picture of each is unique. The only true answers to this won't ever give you "one accurate answer." Autism's communicative difficulties are far too complex for a simple answer to this.

The best you can hope for is an example from many different Autistics. You're likely to get many different answers. From that, you can kind of paint a partial picture of what it's like, but need to keep in mind it's only partial. From that limited picture you'd have to imagine how far the spectrum actually spreads.

Conflicts can and do happen for me, and they're usually due to what in the end turns out to be a minor misunderstanding. I surmise a lot from what people say, and that often gets me into trouble due to the fact that my surmising is sometimes far from correct. Thus, I'll base responses on false presumptions, confusing the person I'm talking to. Sometimes that leads to conflicts. Sometimes it just wastes a lot of time, because he/she thinks we're talking about one thing, but I think we're talking about something else. The result is almost always confusion on both our parts.

Here's an example:

My wife is a bit Autistic herself.

I had to drive across town yesterday to pick up my son from school. There is construction on the road the school is on, and my wife and I were wondering how hard it would be to get to the building and pick him up. My wife said she would be driving by there earlier, and would call to let me know how it was before I left.

She texted me, "It's one way all the way to the school."

So I texted back, "Which way?"

She texted, "On the opposite side from the school."

I texted, "Yeah, but which way?"

"The right lane coming from the green."

"Right. But you said 'one way.' One way, which way?"

"I meant one LANE. Duh. There are flag men."

The actual conversation was several texts longer than that, with both of us totally confused the whole time. This kind of thing happens to me all the time. It's a pain in the arse.

BTW, just in case you might think, "Yeah, but that kind of thing happens to everyone," about my own, or any other examples you read, trust me there's a huge difference for us.

When this kind of thing happens only once in a while, it can be amusing. When it happens DAILY, several times a day, it's not funny. It's exhausting, constant annoyance. It wears on the psyche. It's but one of the many constants that cause non stop stress.

Example: a girl at work asked if I liked a pair of shoes she was trying on. I asked how many shoes she owned (because they would have been a good 9th pair of shoes but a poor 3rd pair of shoes - I have great taste). She got angry because she assumed I was implying she owned too many shoes. I have never spoken to her about shoes or anything personal so I have no information on that nor any reason to disparage her, and she knows that, but in the NT mind the assumed context outweighs the facts. They read 'between the lines' at times when in no conceivable way does it make sense to do so.

So, my social problem is chiefly in forgetting to manipulate the people who can't handle an honest relationship. I can tell the difference, so it's just hubris or laziness.

So asperger is something about not understanding how to respond right in social situations.

But as i see, you can say that about alot of disorders. My problem with this disorder is no one really explains what type of behaviour that is disturbed and in wich type of situations and if no one explains that properly i would never understand the diagnosis. :S

So i'm about to ask wich type of behaviour and situations that is disturbed, but i guess no one can explain that? :S

This is my last question. Then i'll forget about it.

Not really.

When you created this thread you asked specifically about the social issues, you didn't ask for a comprehensive list of autistic symptoms and there are many others.

The social issues arise in every single social situation, every single interaction with another human being.

I really hopes this helps (or else I've wasted a lot of time)

Okay, I will try where others might have failed. When two persons speak to each other there are the explicit words that are used and also non-verbal cues. Non-verbal cues include tone of voice, facial gestures etc. If the non-verbal cues are "wrong" then communication is impaired. For me, people understand me when I speak explicitly, but because my body-language is atypical (wrong?) the meaning isn't always obvious. Sometimes instead of asking for clarification, the person spoken to will out of politeness, ignore it.
It goes beyond feeling awkward. Some AS persons feel emotions atypically (wrongly?) and sense other's emotions incorrectly. This can also lead to miscommunication.

Conversations skills is not just about taking. Ideally there should be a give and take and ideas should flow from one another. For me, I have to think: okay, I will say a little, then I will let them speak etc. I have to work hard at this, otherwise you will never get in a word edgewise. Also I've noticed that an abrupt change of topics seems to be off-putting to some.

This stuff does not come naturally to AS persons, so it has to be a learned skill just as writing, math etc are. If you are NT it is obvious what people are saying and feeling. If you have AS then you have to work hard at learning it.

I really hope this helps answer your questions.

It's a good thing I wasn't there or I would have asked why she wanted to know. What really gets me here is that I don't understand your point of view or hers. Who cares how many shoes she has, how does that affect how they look--what am I missing here?

You should try to avoid people who can't handle an honest relationship, if possible.

She asked because girls like confirmation that they're wearing the right clothes. They also like flattery. If I cared about her it would be a fine line to judge but we were acquaintances and I've never hidden either my blunt honesty nor my fabulous taste, so I assumed she was hoping for honesty rather than flattery. I asked how many pairs she owned because they would have been a good 9th pair of shoes but a poor 3rd pair of shoes. I'm not sure how to explain this if you don't understand. It's a shoe thing.

^ This, OP, is exactly the kind of thought process that NTs don't have. Even gay ones.

("Either ... or" and "neither ... nor" but "never ... either ... nor"?)

^ This too.

Are you referring too what i wrote or what you just wrote?

What are you talking about? Seriously, I don't understand your post at all.

I thought you didn't understand the motives in the shoe scenario, no?

Correct: I did not not understand the shoe scenerio. So that could be because I'm a guy or because I have aspergers or both. So I am guessing you are trying to say that if I were NT I would understand?



I also don't understand how this relates to the shoe story.

So here you are talking about yourself having different or disfuncional (if you could say that?) body language, wich makes people misunderstanding or not understanding you.

I understand that, but thats not the whole problem. I dont understand the whole dont-know-how-to-interact-thing. Are you saying that whole part boils down to not understanding people (including the non-verbal), wich leads to inteacting the wrong way?? :S Should i understand your example this way.