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I have a question for an Aspie, can you help me?

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Einsteinologist
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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09 Dec 2011, 4:03 am

TheygoMew wrote:

Some people confuse narcissism with autism because they read about autism and see "lack of empathy" as a criteria when autistics don't have a lack of care for others the same way narcissists and psychopaths do. Our lack of empathy is really lack of theory of mind.

If he had aspergers and he knew that he hurt you, you'd hear apologies. If he's a narcissist or psychopath, you'd hear no apologies or fake apologies. He would blame you then blame other events in his life.

... Narcissistic spouses can degrade you and make you appear to be the crazy one. You'll have little self esteem left.


This is what I was getting at, too; this is a very important distinction; as I have been in love with both an apie and a narcissist, I can tell you that that "lack of empathy" manifests completely differently.... the difference is that narcissists and psychopaths HAVE..... NO ...... CONSCIENCE...... aspies, on the other hand, are sensitive to the fact they may hurt you without meaning to. In my worst outbursts of anger, half my anger and hurt is from the fact that I know I'm being hurtful and don't know how to not be. Narcissists will TRY to be hurtful, to get their own way, and manipulate a situation, etc. Consequently, there you have the apology thing.... humility is a key. An aspie may appear to not want o apologize at first, if it was a meltdown, because he may want you to see it his way so he's more understood, but in the end, the heart is tender and pliable, and not intentionally mean. The last part of what I quoted is key: I have personally been made to feel like the crazy one, and it's a hell hole to dig out of!

Seek a pro, not a forum, my dear! I know it helps but don't stop here, for your own good!

~E.



gbollard
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09 Dec 2011, 2:35 pm

CantExplain wrote:
gbollard wrote:
Note: Meltdowns and Temper tantrums are NOT the same thing.

A temper tantrum usually results from someone attempting to use force/violence get something. For example, a child will chuck a tantrum until they are given a sweet. Some adults have tantrums too. The key with a tantrum being that the person having it is in control at all times. They can stop whenever they want to and will usually stop when they receive what they desire.

A meltdown is an entirely different beast altogether. A meltdown is an extreme and generally uncontrollable reaction to events, sensations, ideas or issues. Meltdowns will usually have an immediate trigger but result from longer term problems (bottled up by a person) over a longer period of time. A person in a meltdown state is less responsible for their actions and usually cannot stop until things run their course.


I don't think it is as clear as that. I had a famous meltdown but I accept full responsibility for what happened and I was never out of control. It was like an elemental force, but I kept my head the whole time.


So you're saying that you could have stopped any time you wanted but you decided to keep going just to annoy people around you?

How exactly is a choice to go on, like an "elemental force"?

I'm not saying that there's no responsibility at all but the controls are simply not there or "less there".

Did you have a reason for the meltdown?


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yourfriend
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10 Dec 2011, 1:58 am

gbollard wrote:
CantExplain wrote:
gbollard wrote:
Note: Meltdowns and Temper tantrums are NOT the same thing.

A temper tantrum usually results from someone attempting to use force/violence get something. For example, a child will chuck a tantrum until they are given a sweet. Some adults have tantrums too. The key with a tantrum being that the person having it is in control at all times. They can stop whenever they want to and will usually stop when they receive what they desire.

A meltdown is an entirely different beast altogether. A meltdown is an extreme and generally uncontrollable reaction to events, sensations, ideas or issues. Meltdowns will usually have an immediate trigger but result from longer term problems (bottled up by a person) over a longer period of time. A person in a meltdown state is less responsible for their actions and usually cannot stop until things run their course.


I don't think it is as clear as that. I had a famous meltdown but I accept full responsibility for what happened and I was never out of control. It was like an elemental force, but I kept my head the whole time.


So you're saying that you could have stopped any time you wanted but you decided to keep going just to annoy people around you?

How exactly is a choice to go on, like an "elemental force"?

I'm not saying that there's no responsibility at all but the controls are simply not there or "less there".

Did you have a reason for the meltdown?


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I always know when a meltdown is coming, I start to shake. I leave immediately and take a walk, or I will start hyperventilating, at times its too late, I don't get a chance to get out the door, I can get verbal, I don't attack the other person, verbally nor physically. I cry and try to fix whatever it is the other person is struggling with, its like I'm transferring their stress on to myself, its very weird. Almost like I'm trying to save someone else by going into hyper mode. I still need to take the Asperger Syndrome test. I will let all of you know how I do.


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