What's the point of saying hi; what happens if you don't?

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Skurvey
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23 Nov 2015, 10:49 pm

Saying G'day (Hi in Australian) is a pretty essential part of greeting. As is discussing the weather. They are part of the Ancient Law of Greeting. There are three main ancient laws that are common throughout the world; the Law of Hospitality, the Law of Courtesy and the Law of Greeting. All are very closely linked. The Law of Greeting establishes relationship between the two parties - are you a friend or an enemy. What are your intentions, are you going to pose a threat to me etc. etc. In the ancient world there would have been various questions, which had specific answers which worked like a sort of code to determine intent. For example it could be very dangerous to go up to a stranger and give them a king hit before you determined if they were an expert in self defence - your attack would justify them defending themselves (mortally). (Sorry special interest!! !)

Of course these ancient laws are somewhat faded in the modern world, but they are still there as a guide for social behaviour. The actual practice varies culturally. Interestingly, these ancient laws are the basis for billion+ dollar industries. They are that essential to human existence.


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24 Nov 2015, 10:26 am

esoterica181 wrote:
I'm interested in developing a thick social armor, that is if I had any idea what it was.
You have a really keen eye for regional customs. If I'm in the mood to say hi, I say it; if I'm not, I don't. I worry about not saying hi sometimes, but saying it when I don't want to makes me feel sick.


A thick social armor is mostly teaching yourself to follow the trifling behavioral customs, so that at a glance you look normal.

Which, in turn, mostly serves to keep people from noticing you too much or asking questions (of you, themselves, or anyone else).

Its only real purpose is to help you blend right in at a casual glance, and to keep people at a couple arms' length and the hell out of your heart, soul, mind, and business.

Sort of ironic that, in parts of the South, the way to look normal to keep people backed the hell off is to speak to them in passing like they were beloved friends, but... When in Rome...

Anyone can be a good observer of local customs. All you need is a seat, a notebook, something to do while you sit there (I took up smoking-- I recommend something else), and time. Time is the difficult component. I had a lot of time when I was younger, and even back in '06 when we moved to AR. I only had a kid or two. Time out the wazoo. Time gets harder as we get older.


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24 Nov 2015, 10:33 pm

I believe saying hi isnt about trying to not be creepy or doing it because others want you to. It's an act of "doing good". When people do something good for another and not expect anything in return, it makes you feel good.


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esoterica181
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12 Dec 2015, 2:06 pm

I'm the person who doesn't say Hi or Good Morning to my neighbors. I understand it sets me apart. One person has trouble with this and will ask me questions like "How are you?" to which I'll tell him directly that I need space. My neighbors happen to be mostly single, middle aged men residing in a building with very thin walls. Physically there is only very thin material separating us. I use emotional distance to protect myself.

I don't have a social armor. I imagine it is very useful but I hate pretending to be somebody I'm not. I spend all day by myself feeling this way and I don't get a lot done. I highly value authenticity and I believe I am authentic and it's hard for me to go out and share it with people. I hate when people ask "How are you?" because it is challenging my authenticity to speak which would say "I am feeling downright miserable" and it is so hard for me to say that to even my closest friends let alone a stranger.

That is why I don't say Hi to my neighbors.



Berzerker777
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12 Dec 2015, 3:48 pm

You don't have to say hi unless you want to talk to someone. I usually don't because I'm invested in whatever I'm doing at the moment.


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12 Dec 2015, 8:47 pm

TalusJumper wrote:
Saying 'hi' (in passing) isn't a problem for me; however, saying the person's name is. My thoughts are too slow and by the time I think of their name, they have moved on. :roll:

Wow...I can never remember names. I have to do all sorts of things to make the leap to remember someone's name.
And, like you, the rare times I do remember, it's too late. But, there are just a few people I know their names right off the bat.

As for saying 'hi', I think, for me, it depends on the situation. How lost in thought I am, how much I have to be in 'listening' mode vs. 'Imparting Information' mode, etc.


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catalina
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12 Dec 2015, 9:05 pm

if people don´t say me hi, i feel ignored.



zkydz
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12 Dec 2015, 9:17 pm

catalina wrote:
if people don´t say me hi, i feel ignored.

That happens to me as well, but when they do say hi, I kinda resent it because then I have to engage. Damned if they do and damned if they don't.


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esoterica181
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13 Dec 2015, 6:13 pm

I hate it when people greet me in retail and I think people confuse greeting for courtesy sometimes. They assume if they don't greet someone then they are not being courteous no matter how the other person behaves. For example, if I walk into a store and head straight to the merchandise, I don't want somebody to ask me a queston like is there something I can help you find? I find it a nuisance and I don't believe it's the person's fault or ignorance for asking. I believe they think they are doing their job. It affects the business because without training their employees to read body language they end up losing customers like me who don't play by the rules.
Some places such as Nordstrom's do a better job of training their employees on how to read body language. I'll spend more money to shop there any day.



esoterica181
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13 Dec 2015, 6:16 pm

Do you feel ignored because you say hi and they don't say hi back? Or because they don't say hi at all? I want to understand.