how did you find out about eye-contact?

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bnky
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03 Mar 2012, 11:07 am

And yet, in the army, they don't want you to look at them when they shout at you nor when you answer them... Hmmm



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03 Mar 2012, 4:30 pm

More accurately, there was some kind of health visitor coming to check on my progress. Eye contact was not something I really did up to then. My dad told me that I would be taken in to care if I could not make eye contact with them.


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03 Mar 2012, 4:48 pm

Callista wrote:
It's ironic, looking back at it, because when I was forced to make eye contact, I understood much less of what they were saying--the opposite of what they intended.


I guess this is something what people hardly understand, because they and do make eye-contact and talk and move their hands all at the same time and can talk that way to more than one person.
Is this also a kind of "multi-tasking"?


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04 Mar 2012, 4:49 am

questor wrote:
Part of my problem is that I perceive it as confrontational and aggressive.

I percieve it this way too.
I learnt about eye contact on WP but learnt to look at peoples faces from my parents repeatedly asking me where I was looking while I was talking to them when I was younger.
People I know well I can look at their eyes without really noticing or processing what I see, people I dont know well it stresses me to look in thier eyes and I get distracted from what they are saying.



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04 Mar 2012, 10:44 am

I don't know - I've always had natural eye contact, and I never really knew that eye-contact was an Autism-related issue until I come on here, and because I am now too aware of eye contact, it doesn't come so natural any more because I'm thinking about it too much when I'm in a conversation. But when I'm not thinking about it, it comes naturally. (Well, I've always been told I have average eye contact).


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Pokelover14
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15 Mar 2012, 11:12 pm

Why wold I look at someone's eyes when there is a whole world to see. I dont mean to be mean to them but I would rather take note of psyical feature then eye color.



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16 Mar 2012, 1:32 am

When someone is talking to me I never tend to break eye contact, it seems to make them feel a little self concious and nervous though, I remember being told as a child that I should look at someone when they are talking / I am talking to them, so I just did what they said, just perhaps a little too much.



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16 Mar 2012, 4:02 am

I was 15 when I found out and I read that kids with AS will avoid eye contact and I noticed I never looked at people when I talked to them or when they talked to me. Sure I would look at them to see what they looked like or what they had on or how they had their hair but I think you know what I mean right when I said I never did eye contact.

I do remember being told as a child "Look at me" and they kept telling me that and I didn't know I had to keep my eyes glued at their faces. I also remember saying in my teens "I did look at you" but it wasn't often when they tell me that, just sometimes. It only happened when it was a serious discussion they were having with me.

Today I am better at it and it comes natural now. It became a habit. Only time I still have difficulty with it is when I am very nervous or shy.

edit: I was 12 when diagnosed and I also remember being told to look at them when they say my name or say a word because they were teaching me how to talk and I never connected the dots that I was supposed to be looking at people when they talk to me. Same as when I was older and teachers be talking to me about something and they tell me "Look at me" and I still didn't figure it out. I didn't really start figuring it out until I joined the autism groups online and people there were talking about eye contact and when I was 16 I used to look at other kids in my class and I would notice they were not looking at the teacher and sometimes they were but most of the time they be looking away or down at their paper or down at the floor and I couldn't understand why it was an aspie thing to not look at someone when they are talking if all these kids hardly ever looked at our teacher when they were talking. I am sure I was informed about eye contact in speech therapy and I just didn't get it because I don't remember being told about personal space. Mom told me they tried teaching it to me and I just didn't care. No I just didn't understand and I thought other people were strange. I had a wake up call at work when quests kept complaining about my "rude behavior" and it was making me upset so I finally started to listen. Sometimes I still have to remind myself to not stand so close to someone.



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27 May 2012, 10:23 am

One of the things that I actually find difficult about my new opportunity at assessment is that this psychologist has very bright eyes. The frames of his glasses are not too thick, but they are a little. I find really thick, dark frames are a challenge to deal with, because I feel like I can't see the person's face, only the frames. So, if someone's eyes seem glaringly bright to me, and then they have thick, dark frames, their frames and eyes stand out too much. It's even worse if the frames are those small rectangles, so that I see even more just dark lines. Those are bad even with someone who has dark eyes. Their face just looks wrong. It makes me very uncomfortable. But I hide it as best I can, so as not to offend.

A friend of mine has frames that are multicolored and have fancy, curly things on them. I told her they're neat, and I mean that. But I don't tell her that, on her face, they're very distracting. I'd like them better on a tabletop or something, just to look at by themselves. On people, I prefer thin frames of some neutral color, gold or silver colored wire rims, rimless mountings, or no glasses at all, so I can see the whole face and not just have their frames and eyes highlighted so much.

Also, if I'm used to seeing someone with no glasses, when they put them on, it's a hard adjustment for me. It's equally hard if I'm used to seeing them with glasses and then they take them off. I can get used to it, but they look weird to me in the meantime, and I don't like it. I know it's my problem, not theirs, so I try to keep quiet about it and not let on.

I hope none of this offends people here who wear glasses. It really is just my problem.


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ghoti
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27 May 2012, 10:44 am

Was in 6th grade and was scolded for not looking at the eyes. That teacher kept hounding me about it, but doing that freaked me out so much i couldn't do it.



b9
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27 May 2012, 10:56 am

Quote:
how did you find out about eye-contact?


in an automobile head on accident at 130 kph. our eyes contacted for a fleeting instant.

(not serious)



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27 May 2012, 11:15 am

I found out about my lack of eye contact in kindergarten when my teacher talked to my mum and mentioned that I don't look into people's eyes when they're talking to me. He also showed her videotapes that he took of the class reciting nursery rhymes and I wasn't looking into the camera when it was my turn.

My mum had a talk with me and told me that if I didn't look into people's eyes that she would punish me. Needless to say, after that I practiced looking into peoples eyes at home and did so from that point on.

I find that lately I've been regressing a bit and not looking into certain peoples eyes and if I do, I look into them for a certain amount of time and avert them quickly.



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27 May 2012, 12:32 pm

Yeah I had it drilled into me by my mum. I remember going through a time whe I was about 8 where my mum constantly told me off for not making eye contact. It made me so upset because I just forgot to do it. Eventually I forced myself into making eye contact but even now I have to think about it with every conversation I have otherwise I forget to do it.
My way of giving eye contact is looking into someone's eyes as long as I can before I feel uncomfortable which is about a second then I look away to recharge myself and repeat. I just find it really intimidating to look into people's eyes, it feels like they're staring into my soul and I don't like that.



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27 May 2012, 12:40 pm

The psychologist who diagnosed me as having Asperger's in my late teens. I guess through public speaking/acting, or life, I had tried to copy what others did and look in their eyes, but I never realized it. She pointed out that my gaze seemed either too piercing or fleeting, to the point where she did not know if I understood the information she was communicating. I never realized it before, but when she asked, I said that I guess I never knew how to make eye contact properly. That was the first time I realized how important eye contact was to other people.



Katatonia
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27 May 2012, 12:45 pm

I honestly don't have a problem at looking people in the eyes, that can't even tell if I'm lying or not.



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27 May 2012, 1:04 pm

I just thought of this silly thing: What if you had to listen directly at people's ears every time you talked to them? :lol:


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