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jedaustin
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27 Mar 2012, 11:38 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well I can't really think of any careers I would like...I mean I have thought of things like figuring out how to get licensed to maybe do labor type work in the MMJ industry in my state. But yeah a lot of it is just at this point in my life I am in no position to start a career I need experience and such and probably to try and get some help with all the psychological issues....so I can manage more than part time or seasonal work(if I even prove able to handle such work).


That is ok; you're really just starting out your career - you're only 22.
Had to look up MMJ.. Marijuana related?
Just think about what you really want to do with your life and don't just settle for whatever comes your way. Getting help should be part of your overall plan.
1. Get help for psychological issues
2. Pick a lucrative career.
3. Make a plan to work yourself into that carrer. At least come up with the first two steps and when you've achieved a step figure out the one after the next one.
If you're working within your plan you won't feel like life is pointless.

Sweetleaf wrote:
And many of them where not taking anything out on me, they just wanted to cause someone pain and I was a target. But yeah I see what you mean I guess.

When there is a specific cause I do my best to address it, but I also have Generalized Anxiety...so sometimes I get anxious for no reason in particular.

You can't usually know why people do what they do until you look closer at their life. A lot of times you'll see they had a domineering parent or other other factors that drive them to be despicable people; they can only feel better about themselves by demeaning others. It is sad really.

I'm sure if you think about it you know why you generally feel anxiety too. Just keep working on it.
Sweetleaf wrote:
I already know it would damage the people I care about and who care about me, which is why thinking about it makes me feel worse....because I can actually feel so bad, I don't even care about any of that because I'm too consumed by my own misery, which is not pleasent. But no offense taken, there would be no sense in that when you're trying to be helpful.


You have to dig yourself out of that misery; try to make some changes in your life just to change things up a bit. Its important that you actively do something to get out of that mindset.

Sweetleaf wrote:
How do you choose to feel happy or sad? I typically cannot control that......I mean I can make myself feel less sad if I feel sad, but I cannot really make myself 'happy' and if I am in a content mood, well I guess I could pretty easily make myself sad but I typically don't do that unless I'm feeling really numb and want to feel something.

Well that's not an easy question to answer.
I think it starts with taking responsibility for everything in your life including your own feelings and blaming no one else for anything in your life. That leads to a mindset that everything that is happening in your life is a result of a choice that you made or haven't made.
If you feel sad ask why you're choosing to be sad right then; don't deny it exists though... let yourself feel it for awhile but then move on.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well what is wrong with the friends and family members I do have that care? I don't exactly feel comfortable avoiding them and trying to find 'better' people. Other then that though I do my best to stay away from people who are negative towards me, though its not always an option for instance I live at my moms house and her boyfriend is great at random comments that bring me down.

Not saying anything is wrong with your current family/friends; just that you need more positive in your life to tip the balance to the positive. Having people that accept you as you in your life are does wonders for your happiness.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Like when I showed up after being gone a couple days...because my mom wanted me to babysit my brother. So I knocked on the door that he had locked for some reason during the day and first thin he said was 'well wheres you're key?' kind of rudely. So yeah I don't always have the option of not having to deal with him. Also I hate to say it but the only things I end up seeing in the future are pretty horrible, so I prefer not to focus too much on the future as some of that is quite unpleasant to think about.

You don't have the option of not dealing with some people but you do have the option of not letting it get to you. Your future is of your making you can have a great one.



Sweetleaf
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27 Mar 2012, 11:44 pm

jedaustin wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
If I could get over being so afraid of how the other person will react if I tell them they've offended me or really pissed me off, that may work. Not sure how to overcome that though. My cousin thinks I should openly be angry with people if they do something that offends me or whatever...I guess maybe trying to become more assertive might help.

I was afraid too.. because I almost always mis-interpreted people. Being 100% open and having the first assumption that I was mis-reading the situation helped... "are you saying that" (paraphrase what you thought they just said). My mindset about it is 'I refuse to give people that power over me'. People that don't matter to me really can't get a rise out of me. If I feel anxiety I keep going until it goes away.

yeah that is part of it, I am afraid of making an idiot of myself and bringing even more crap down upon myself, but yeah for me even if its someone that does not matter to me, they can still upset me. Not sure how to prevent it, maybe more confidence? not quite sure.


Sweetleaf wrote:
Oh with the anger I can feel that, but with the anxiety attacks and if a sudden loud noise or movement startles me and sets off my PTSD I typically have no warning signs. Other than if I am stressed or having a bad day I know its more likely so Its not so much of a shock when it does happen but it still sucks just the same. Also I can think about that after I've calmed down which can help me understand the situation...but if I'm in the midst of an anxiety attack I don't seem to have such rationalization abilities at all.

I don't have that but I get really annoyed by loud unexpected noises.
You might try purposefully desensitizing yourself to such things by having people randomly doing it when you're not expecting it on purpose (facing it).

Oh heavens no....that would be a good way to cause me to go into shut-down or freak out mode...and could even lead to something more severe like a mental breakdown. I mean even if I am expecting a loud noise I still jump and blink a lot, drop whatever I'm holding. Also I will have to look up the exact process but it can take hours for ones body to come out of 'survival' mode...and it also uses more energy which is bad because I already don't eat enough. So yeah if that happens once in a day then its hard on my mind and body for more than a few minutes....but repeatedly is even worse. I can understand why that might seem like it could help...but I'm going to have to pass on that one.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Of course there are some simple things like that which help...but yeah right now I am pretty stressed in general and just really hoping to either get the job I applied for or find another. I also want to go to this mental health place I found in my area that has diagnoses services and such for little or no cost. But other then that I'm just trying to make the best of things for the moment.

That sounds good; taking an active part in your well being is the key.
I think you'll be ok.


Indeed, and I certainly hope so...I mean I am ok right now but I hope things work out more or less in the long run.


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Sweetleaf
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27 Mar 2012, 11:59 pm

jedaustin wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Well I can't really think of any careers I would like...I mean I have thought of things like figuring out how to get licensed to maybe do labor type work in the MMJ industry in my state. But yeah a lot of it is just at this point in my life I am in no position to start a career I need experience and such and probably to try and get some help with all the psychological issues....so I can manage more than part time or seasonal work(if I even prove able to handle such work).


That is ok; you're really just starting out your career - you're only 22.
Had to look up MMJ.. Marijuana related?
Just think about what you really want to do with your life and don't just settle for whatever comes your way. Getting help should be part of your overall plan.
1. Get help for psychological issues
2. Pick a lucrative career.
3. Make a plan to work yourself into that carrer. At least come up with the first two steps and when you've achieved a step figure out the one after the next one.
If you're working within your plan you won't feel like life is pointless.

Well yes, medical marijuana...but that is just one idea, and that one comes with unneeded stress from the federal government always in the process of trying to shut down the MMJ industry. So I'm not sure about that, other then that it would be cool to have some sort of job related to music, but I am not sure how to get into that, maybe by looking for jobs at concert venues.

Sweetleaf wrote:
And many of them where not taking anything out on me, they just wanted to cause someone pain and I was a target. But yeah I see what you mean I guess.

When there is a specific cause I do my best to address it, but I also have Generalized Anxiety...so sometimes I get anxious for no reason in particular.

You can't usually know why people do what they do until you look closer at their life. A lot of times you'll see they had a domineering parent or other other factors that drive them to be despicable people; they can only feel better about themselves by demeaning others. It is sad really.

I'm sure if you think about it you know why you generally feel anxiety too. Just keep working on it.

Alright, I guess it is kind of sad...but yeah sometimes it feels like people who do that sort of thing are superior in some way(though I know that's probably not true.)...also I meant that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder...as in feeling anxious for no specific reason, and I am not immune to getting anxious about things in life as well.


Sweetleaf wrote:
I already know it would damage the people I care about and who care about me, which is why thinking about it makes me feel worse....because I can actually feel so bad, I don't even care about any of that because I'm too consumed by my own misery, which is not pleasent. But no offense taken, there would be no sense in that when you're trying to be helpful.


You have to dig yourself out of that misery; try to make some changes in your life just to change things up a bit. Its important that you actively do something to get out of that mindset.

Well yeah, and Its not quite that bad all the time....like right now I am trying to make positive changes of things where possible, like getting a job and other stuff. But yeah sometimes it gets so bad it seems literally impossible to get out of that mindset. so I try to avoid getting there in the first place, but it happens.

Sweetleaf wrote:
How do you choose to feel happy or sad? I typically cannot control that......I mean I can make myself feel less sad if I feel sad, but I cannot really make myself 'happy' and if I am in a content mood, well I guess I could pretty easily make myself sad but I typically don't do that unless I'm feeling really numb and want to feel something.

Well that's not an easy question to answer.
I think it starts with taking responsibility for everything in your life including your own feelings and blaming no one else for anything in your life. That leads to a mindset that everything that is happening in your life is a result of a choice that you made or haven't made.
If you feel sad ask why you're choosing to be sad right then; don't deny it exists though... let yourself feel it for awhile but then move on.

Well I can't very well blame it all on myself either...as that would be unfair to me, and I already beat myself up over my flaws enough. But I guess I kinda see what you mean...like I should try and feel like I have a bit more control and am not totally powerless, not a bad idea, still easier said than done but probably possible.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well what is wrong with the friends and family members I do have that care? I don't exactly feel comfortable avoiding them and trying to find 'better' people. Other then that though I do my best to stay away from people who are negative towards me, though its not always an option for instance I live at my moms house and her boyfriend is great at random comments that bring me down.

Not saying anything is wrong with your current family/friends; just that you need more positive in your life to tip the balance to the positive. Having people that accept you as you in your life are does wonders for your happiness.

Having people that accept me does make me feel a bit better, and if I am down about things or whatever sometimes they can help...but yeah I already have some people like that. I don't really know where I would find more people like that, but I certainly do my best not to push potential friends away or anything....but to me quality is more important than quantity.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Like when I showed up after being gone a couple days...because my mom wanted me to babysit my brother. So I knocked on the door that he had locked for some reason during the day and first thin he said was 'well wheres you're key?' kind of rudely. So yeah I don't always have the option of not having to deal with him. Also I hate to say it but the only things I end up seeing in the future are pretty horrible, so I prefer not to focus too much on the future as some of that is quite unpleasant to think about.

You don't have the option of not dealing with some people but you do have the option of not letting it get to you. Your future is of your making you can have a great one.


I tried very hard not to let it get to me...but I still ended up feeling hurt about it for the rest of the day. Because it was like I went out of my way to come and babysit that day not that I have an issue with it but the only reason I was there was because they had asked me to come...so it made me feel totally un-appreciated and stupid for having lost my key(again). But that's back to the whole issue of not being able to not have an emotional response to things as much as I wish I could do that. But I am working on having a more or less decent future....kind of there is a lot of obstacles but yeah I'm still here so I must be doing something right.


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jedaustin
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28 Mar 2012, 7:43 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well yes, medical marijuana...but that is just one idea, and that one comes with unneeded stress from the federal government always in the process of trying to shut down the MMJ industry. So I'm not sure about that, other then that it would be cool to have some sort of job related to music, but I am not sure how to get into that, maybe by looking for jobs at concert venues.

I'd stay away from the medical marijuana industry until the federal government comes around about it. Music on the other hand is an industry you could get into and make a career of. Many music jobs are even solitary so you don't have to deal with people issues so much.
You say concert venues is an option.. do those loud noises not set you off? That may be a clue to help you control your overload episodes; it may be as simple as always have a focus (I think that is what I have done since I was a child.. the side effect is I don't always hear people talking to me if I'm not focusing on them).

Sweetleaf wrote:
Alright, I guess it is kind of sad...but yeah sometimes it feels like people who do that sort of thing are superior in some way(though I know that's probably not true.)...also I meant that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder...as in feeling anxious for no specific reason, and I am not immune to getting anxious about things in life as well.

I don't see myself as superior to anyone. I may have certain strengths that other people have but it doesn't make me better. I realize that I still get anxious in unfamiliar situations.. start sweating and have trouble having a coherent thought (it's happened twice when I entered speech contests so far... I'll keep doing it until it doesn't happen anymore).

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well yeah, and Its not quite that bad all the time....like right now I am trying to make positive changes of things where possible, like getting a job and other stuff. But yeah sometimes it gets so bad it seems literally impossible to get out of that mindset. so I try to avoid getting there in the first place, but it happens.

Thats why you have to keep yourself from getting in that mindset to begin with. It's like being stuck in tar. Not letting things fester and not judging yourself and others helps a lot. For example try not to assume that peoples actions have anything to do with you at least at first until you can rule out everything else to avoid having destructive thoughts about yourself.
Try just being you (not the blow up you but you otherwise) and don't care so much about people's critism... but pay attention to the people that don't just accept you - they're to be avoided.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well I can't very well blame it all on myself either...as that would be unfair to me, and I already beat myself up over my flaws enough. But I guess I kinda see what you mean...like I should try and feel like I have a bit more control and am not totally powerless, not a bad idea, still easier said than done but probably possible.

It isn't about blame - blame is totally irrelevant if you're just focused on removing the problem. You have problems and they're your responsibility to solve because they're your problems. Focusing on who's fault it is wastes some of the energy you need to solve the problem... you only have so much energy so don't waste it :)
Sweetleaf wrote:
Having people that accept me does make me feel a bit better, and if I am down about things or whatever sometimes they can help...but yeah I already have some people like that. I don't really know where I would find more people like that, but I certainly do my best not to push potential friends away or anything....but to me quality is more important than quantity.

I found a lot of those people in Toastmasters. You're right.. quality is more important than quality. Hang out with those people more so you can just be you without fear of judgement.
Sweetleaf wrote:
I tried very hard not to let it get to me...but I still ended up feeling hurt about it for the rest of the day. Because it was like I went out of my way to come and babysit that day not that I have an issue with it but the only reason I was there was because they had asked me to come...so it made me feel totally un-appreciated and stupid for having lost my key(again). But that's back to the whole issue of not being able to not have an emotional response to things as much as I wish I could do that. But I am working on having a more or less decent future....kind of there is a lot of obstacles but yeah I'm still here so I must be doing something right.

Did you say anything to that affect to them (in a non angry way of course)? You still can. It sounds like you're letting it fester into more than it ever was. People are insensitive and selfish a lot of times; they're rude just because they have their own problems and when others come along they become the target of it.



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28 Mar 2012, 10:56 am

jedaustin wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Well yes, medical marijuana...but that is just one idea, and that one comes with unneeded stress from the federal government always in the process of trying to shut down the MMJ industry. So I'm not sure about that, other then that it would be cool to have some sort of job related to music, but I am not sure how to get into that, maybe by looking for jobs at concert venues.

I'd stay away from the medical marijuana industry until the federal government comes around about it. Music on the other hand is an industry you could get into and make a career of. Many music jobs are even solitary so you don't have to deal with people issues so much.
You say concert venues is an option.. do those loud noises not set you off? That may be a clue to help you control your overload episodes; it may be as simple as always have a focus (I think that is what I have done since I was a child.. the side effect is I don't always hear people talking to me if I'm not focusing on them).

Yeah that sucks not doing something because the federal government is...well I don't have a good opinion of them, But yeah music is something I like. Also I really don't kind concerts but there aren't really a lot of sudden loud noises just loud music. Also sudden loud noises set off PTSD issues I mean yeah I already had AS related sensory issues but now if something startles me and effects that it takes me like at least an hour to recover. I don't think any amount of focus could prevent that....but intrestingly enough I actually like concerts and loud music at them.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Alright, I guess it is kind of sad...but yeah sometimes it feels like people who do that sort of thing are superior in some way(though I know that's probably not true.)...also I meant that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder...as in feeling anxious for no specific reason, and I am not immune to getting anxious about things in life as well.

I don't see myself as superior to anyone. I may have certain strengths that other people have but it doesn't make me better. I realize that I still get anxious in unfamiliar situations.. start sweating and have trouble having a coherent thought (it's happened twice when I entered speech contests so far... I'll keep doing it until it doesn't happen anymore).

Me neither and I more meant I feel like if someones treating my like crap they must be superior to me...I mean I guess maybe I was made to feel stupid a lot in public school. I mean if I ever tried to stand up for myself I ended up just getting laughed at because I have social interaction issues especially if I'm upset in which case its very hard to get any words out let alone anything that makes sense and would actually cause someone to back off.


Sweetleaf wrote:
Well yeah, and Its not quite that bad all the time....like right now I am trying to make positive changes of things where possible, like getting a job and other stuff. But yeah sometimes it gets so bad it seems literally impossible to get out of that mindset. so I try to avoid getting there in the first place, but it happens.

Thats why you have to keep yourself from getting in that mindset to begin with. It's like being stuck in tar. Not letting things fester and not judging yourself and others helps a lot. For example try not to assume that peoples actions have anything to do with you at least at first until you can rule out everything else to avoid having destructive thoughts about yourself.
Try just being you (not the blow up you but you otherwise) and don't care so much about people's critism... but pay attention to the people that don't just accept you - they're to be avoided.

Well I try not to assume that, but I get so convinced of it even when people explain they aren't being judgemental...I still think they are. At least while I'm freaking out or having an anxiety attack there is no reasoning with me. But once I've calmed down some I can think about it more rationally and realise they weren't trying to criticize me or whatever its the calming down that's hard.

And if I knew how to make myself not care so much about people's critism I would, but even after somethings been said for instance that's typically not the end of it because I'm bound to start thinking about it when it starts re-playing in my mind...but maybe being more assertive about when people offend or anger me would help because then maybe I would express that to them and not internalize it as much

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well I can't very well blame it all on myself either...as that would be unfair to me, and I already beat myself up over my flaws enough. But I guess I kinda see what you mean...like I should try and feel like I have a bit more control and am not totally powerless, not a bad idea, still easier said than done but probably possible.

It isn't about blame - blame is totally irrelevant if you're just focused on removing the problem. You have problems and they're your responsibility to solve because they're your problems. Focusing on who's fault it is wastes some of the energy you need to solve the problem... you only have so much energy so don't waste it :)
Sweetleaf wrote:
Having people that accept me does make me feel a bit better, and if I am down about things or whatever sometimes they can help...but yeah I already have some people like that. I don't really know where I would find more people like that, but I certainly do my best not to push potential friends away or anything....but to me quality is more important than quantity.

I found a lot of those people in Toastmasters. You're right.. quality is more important than quality. Hang out with those people more so you can just be you without fear of judgement.

I agree there, I'm not going to waste my time on trying to find fault...I mean I already know many of the factors that contributed to things. I guess sometimes though I just want to have a break. I mean sometimes I feel its ok I have problems and its ok to not work on those 24/7 as that is exausting. But working on improving skills I have is a good idea and trying to solve problems.......I just don't want to push myself too hard because when I do that it blows up in my face.

As for hanging out with people I do......but people I know and can trust, otherwise I will be more worried about being judged and such, not that I want to live up to their expectations but its more worrying about people would want to cause me harm, manipulate or use me based on their judgement not so much the judgement itself.

Sweetleaf wrote:
I tried very hard not to let it get to me...but I still ended up feeling hurt about it for the rest of the day. Because it was like I went out of my way to come and babysit that day not that I have an issue with it but the only reason I was there was because they had asked me to come...so it made me feel totally un-appreciated and stupid for having lost my key(again). But that's back to the whole issue of not being able to not have an emotional response to things as much as I wish I could do that. But I am working on having a more or less decent future....kind of there is a lot of obstacles but yeah I'm still here so I must be doing something right.

Did you say anything to that affect to them (in a non angry way of course)? You still can. It sounds like you're letting it fester into more than it ever was. People are insensitive and selfish a lot of times; they're rude just because they have their own problems and when others come along they become the target of it.


No I didn't want any other not-nice comments from him....he's the type were if you try to confront him he'll deny he did anything wrong and then try and turn it around on you. So I just said 'I don't have it' in a blunt tone and walked away and went about my business. Also, I simply don't get along with the guy so I try to avoid him as much as possible.....But I'm over that little incident, it just took me longer than I would have liked.


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