How do you deal with funerals?

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My family effectively has screened me out of enduring any. And been effective at it too, Have not attended one, not even my Sister's in 1979. Not sure if it was deliberate, but that one actually had a huge negative impact. It was the trigger for my "Great" depression in my Senior year of High School. Not grieving is WORSE than grieving. Speaking from bitter experience..
Why my family dos these things is anyone's guess, btw.

Sincerely,
Matthew

Matthew, hopefully this issue will never come up again in your life, but if it does, I think you should go anyway. Don't say anything to your family about it, just go. You might even be surprised to find they're glad you came.

Although I don't pretend to understand why people need funerals to grieve, we all deal with loss in different ways, and if this is how you grieve they have no right to deny you that. It's your family too.

I've never been to a funeral. My grandmother (my dad's side), who was over 90, passed away just this Tuesday after she had a heart attack. I didn't go to the funeral when my grandfather died when I was only eight or nine and it looks like I won't be going to hers, either. No one in my family seems to think it's "wrong" or is forcing me to go, and I'm afraid I will be very uncomfortable seeing my poor nanny's dead body even if they've made it up so she doesn't appear that way. I'm very afraid I may faint, freak out or even throw up seeing a dead human body. Why do we need to go to funerals to grieve or show respect to the deceased? And is it bad that I'm not really grieving, as in crying or being depressed, because nanny's death wasn't really much of a shock since she had been in frail health for a long time and was quite old, not like when my grandfather died when I was still a kid. (also had a heart attack while still in his 40's or 50's). I also worry about how much this is going to cost us because of all those stupid funeral kit ads on TV, that my dad will turn to addictive substances to cope with his loss, or something she left in her will will end up tearing our family apart (thanks a lot, Dr. MacGraw!)

I have been to a couple of them. I never cried and I have always been neutral there. I see no point in being sad or mourning over my great aunt ding or grandfather because they were both old and old people die. My great aunt still had her normal memory and brain so I think I can understand better why lot of people cried. She was sick when she died and I understand why her daughter be crying because it was her own mother but I didn't cry or see what the fuss was about because I was only 11 at the time.

Ten years later, my grandfather dies. I am in shock and I am not sad over it. I go anyway to the funeral and I got to see my brother graduate from high school and I got to visit my parents so it was a bonus. My grandfather had dementia I think or Alzheimer's and he was not the same grandfather I knew growing up so he was already gone when he died. I knew he was going to die anyway but I wasn't expecting it to happen that weekend so that was why I was in shock. Lot of people were surprised he died. Plus he was not feeling well either when he died. So everyone crying over him made no sense and my cousin explained to me three years later it was the memories they had and now he is gone. But he was gone even when he was still alive because his memory was gone and so was his normal brain. I mainly went just so I can see my family and see my brother graduate and I used the funeral to go. When I did go to his funeral, I have my Nintendo DS with me and I was playing it and I kept getting up to use the bathroom.

I have never cried at a funeral, I have always felt normal there like it was nothing.

One reason people go to funerals of distant relatives is because you get to see family you don't normally see, and they will be there because everybody goes to funerals. It's like going to weddings except you don't have to bring a gift. You also get free food, and in my family, booze.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

I went to some funerals (not in my family) and i couldn't stop laughing. (without intent)
I am wondering why should we cry when our beloved ones die. Because death is a part of life. Isn't death a release from all these suffering?

I cry in funerals. The last funeral I went to was my mum's friend's brother, and I went with my mum. I didn't hardly know him, but we went to support my mum's friend. Although I didn't really know him well, I started to cry when I saw his mum, who was so upset with the tragic death of her son that she stayed in her husband's arms crying the whole time, and it made me cry just looking at her. I also cried when my mum's friend gave her speech, and then her brother's favourite song played, which also made me cry again. Then when we went out to look at the flowers, I burst into tears again.

Yes, funnily enough, I get very sensitive at funerals. And, God forbid, if a relative of mine died, I would be crying non-stop at the funeral, I know I would.

I don't show up at funerals unless I have to.

When I have to, I try to look sad and not talk.

That's what everybody expects. Or at least, that's what they can be OK with.

What they can't be OK with, is someone with a delayed emotional response. Someone who's perfectly OK at the time of death, and at the funeral...

...and gets upset two weeks or two months or two years later.

That f*****g freaks them out. So I try to look upset when I'm supposed to be upset, and keep my upsetness to myself later.

Which I think is f****d up. Because it is f****d up. People should be able to just be people.

But, hey-- I'm the one with the disorder. Right?