Suicide among our group

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Joined: 4 Jun 2012
Age: 28
Gender: Female
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06 Jun 2012, 12:16 pm

I can see where all of you are coming from. I too have these urges every single day. More anger explodes out me thatvI try to attempt it knowing that it's not good so I just don't do it. I want to just because these see & hear these voices telling me too. I heard that when you have Asperger's you hear different things than different people. My main problem is how can you stop all this? I am never happy. Seems like nobody will never talk to me about it I feel ignored. I take plenty of meds. I just wonder if it's the thing they got me on or if it's something I have they haven't seen yet? I get anxious shy, & scared. I have really bad nightmares. Any ideas?

Sweetleaf
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06 Jun 2012, 12:20 pm

Dirtdigger wrote:

katwithhat wrote:

My kids are the only reason I am alive. Well, maybe them and the fact that I haven't taken enough pills to quite do the trick yet.

I know with such a violent temper I would have abused children if I any, because of the bullying I had to deal with and the school did very little to stop it. But, I do act totally different toward other children and have given them computer lessons or take a child some place upon the request of a parent. Last summer I helped a little girl get her pants leg out of the chain on her bike and suggest that she should roll up her pant legs so that don't happen again. It happened in front of my house.

My sexual orientation was determined at birth and it doesn't include humans with all the other disorders I have to deal with as an autistic adult. There are many Aspies and Autistic adults that puts a normal spin on this orientation, but I'm not one of them. However I have learned to live with it and just enjoy it.

Most of the time I'm happy as long as I can stay busy and work until I'm good and tired like I did today. It was a beautiful day to mow the yard, do some work on my backhoe loader and did some weeding. I get out, go for walks, do other things and you wouldn't believe how much that helps to reduce my depression. Yeah I know, I'm a female grease monkey. LOL

It will be interesting to see what our "all blow and no go" mayor is going to do. It's already in the middle of the week and haven't heard a word after he said he would get back with me early in the week. I decided they all can kiss my ass, I love living to much to do something as stupid as commit suicide or even thinking about it. I also thank you all for contributing.

That's one reason I don't want kids...I mean I would not intentionally abuse a child that's just sick but babies and very small children scream sometimes and screaming is a sudden loud noise which could easily send me into freak out mode and I would say the child probably would not be safe with me like that. So its better I don't put myself in that situation by having kids.

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mike_br
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Joined: 22 Apr 2012
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06 Jun 2012, 12:21 pm

Suicide is an ongoing topic on my mind, always.
I just don't think life is worth the trouble. Although I work, make money and all... the only time I'm slightly ok with life is when I'm alone, locked in my room. I think death to be the ultimate peace stage. No more existance.

Sadly, I have relatives, parents who I care and would suffer to much with me gone. I do fancy the idea that, once my parents are gone, I'll be finally free to follow.

xmh
Deinonychus

Joined: 25 Jun 2011
Age: 41
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06 Jun 2012, 5:04 pm

Quote:

I have relatives, parents who I care and would suffer to much with me gone. I do fancy the idea that, once my parents are gone, I'll be finally free to follow.

I will probably be in the same situation when my parents go.

Apple_in_my_Eye
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06 Jun 2012, 7:45 pm

Dirtdigger wrote:

How many of you has had feelings of worthlessness with suicide on your minds? Would love to hear from you.

It's been a part of my existence since adolescence. There are countless times where I've thought that being "sensitive" is really awful thing to be. Nobody values it; the sociopaths are the admired ones.

Lately (the last few years) I've been on antidepressants, and they do help a bit. They seem to make me care less about barbs or other various discrimination from people. It used to be that one weird look would ruin my whole day, but now I can forget about such stuff pretty quickly. It's a lot easier not to give a ****, now.

It took a HELL of a long time to find a drug that I could tolerate that worked, though.

Dirtdigger wrote:

]Mayor will also fall on deaf ears ignoring me. I can take "no" or even "maybe" for answer, but I have a lot of trouble with being ignored or laughed at for asking something bizarre in their minds, just because it isn't done in my crumby town full of heartless people.

Ugh, yeah. Sounds like a problem with people and their crazy, unwritten rules. What drives me nuts at times is watching someone else ask or do what I did and see them get treated completely differently. Nowadays, I have very low expectations of other humans (non-humans are so much better) and I basically live like a hermit.

Dirtdigger
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07 Jun 2012, 9:59 am

Apple_in_my_Eye wrote:

Dirtdigger wrote:

How many of you has had feelings of worthlessness with suicide on your minds? Would love to hear from you.

Dirtdigger wrote:

I haven't taken any meds like that for a long time as they really didn't do me any good except make me sleep really good. The problem is that people who own businesses and politicians are the worst offenders when it comes to people who seem different or ask a question that sounds silly to them although it isn't a silly question at all. These so-called normal hard hearted people doesn't have any empathy or sympathy. Unless they have walked in our shoes and feel the same things we feel, there is little chance of getting any place with them.

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nessa238
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07 Jun 2012, 3:49 pm

I have to compartmentalise my life to cope - so I have my normal life at home and then I have to go 'out there' amongst other people and I see it as something I just have to endure and get through as best I can so I can get back home as soon as possible where I can relax and be myself again.

If I were to judge myself solely on how I get treated 'out there' by the average person I'd have killed myself long ago as the respect and feeling they see me as an equal is rarely ever there but if I judge myself on how I am at home and interacting with friends I see myself as normal and ok. The danger comes when I let the 'out there' judgments take over my brain - that can make me suicidally depressed so I need my anti-depressants to artificially raise my serotonin levels to make me feel ok as it generally feels as if most people and society in general are on some kind of search and destroy mission as far as I'm concerned. As I seem unable to conform sufficiently a lot seem to hate me. That's what it feels like anyway - a constant battle for survival.

I've probably developed more hate for them over the years though due to the sheer unfairness of it all as I've done precisely NOTHING to them!

Descendant
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Joined: 4 Jun 2012
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07 Jun 2012, 4:18 pm

mike_br wrote:

I have the same feelings about it as you. I'm always thinking about suicide, at least once daily and I do kind of look at it as the ultimate solution and just remembering that tends to give me some peace of mind. I know that's not the right way to think about it, that most people would say suicide is a "permanent solution to a temporary problem" but I just can't help but find the finality of death as comforting.

But there is the complication of family and relatives and I'm happy to hear you say that you consider how it would affect them because even I sometimes think of suicide as selfish. As in the the case of my Aunt who left behind 2 very young daughters and split them apart. Or sons/daughters leaving their parents and siblings devastated and depressed about the loss of a loved one for the rest of their lives.

I have a dog who's like a son to me and I couldn't just suddenly remove myself from his life, or that of my mom who's personally told me that she wouldn't be able to go on living if I died. So my hands are tied in that regard, however like you I'm waiting for the day when they're no longer here and I'll be free to go even though I love them both more than anything and certainly don't want to see them go.

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